Holiday Survival Guide
Disrupted schedules, traveling with little ones, the crash and burn from all the excitement -- Holidays can easily be a recipe for tears and tantrums. How can parents manage life during the holidays to maximize the joy and minimize the tears? Here, our top ten tips for creating a season of meaning and wonderful memories for yourself and your kids.
1. Keep to your usual schedule as much as possible. Kids need the security of familiar routines. They’re stressed by unfamiliar events and what feels to them like chaotic unpredictability. Do what you can to keep them on schedule and be patient when they get hyped-up or irritable.
2. Give kids plenty of warning about travel and upcoming events so they feel less pushed around and taken by surprise. At the beginning of the holidays, you might use a calendar to show them what will happen each day. (“Then the day before Christmas we leave for Grandma’s, where you’ll get to play with all the cousins.”) Many kids love to make a little book, where each page represents a new day and they draw a picture of what will be happening. Sit down for a snuggle every morning and describe the day ahead.
3. Plan no more than one event per day. If you’re taking the kids to the Christmas pageant in the afternoon, don’t expect them to sit still for dinner at Grandma’s that night. If you’re visiting your inlaws, don’t plan the morning with the cousins and the afternoon at Aunt Betty’s. Kids need downtime, just to chill out, snuggle, and do whatever relaxes them. If they don’t get it, they can’t really be blamed for melting down when the over-stimulation gets to them.
4. Have age-appropriate expectations and plan accordingly. A four year old can’t be expected to sit quietly while you enjoy dinner at the home of your best friend from high school, for instance. If you’re doing a lot of visiting with adults, be sure the kids have something to occupy them. If they can read, buy them a new book for the occasion, one they can’t wait to get into. If they’re too young to stay absorbed in a book, bring a video tape. Be sure your schedule includes visits to the playground or other opportunities for the kids to get some fresh air and physical activity.
If you’re flying with kids, be sure to arrive early enough that they get to “run” a bit in the airport hallway after sitting still in the car and before sitting still on the plane. Special secret for painless flights: Bring small wrapped “presents” – books, treats, chapstick, puzzles, simple crafts – for each child. Kids can look forward to getting one as soon as they’ve buckled their seat belts, and several more whenever you need a distraction mid-flight. Be sure to bring bottles, sugar-free lollipops or something else to suck on during take-off and landing.
5. Coach your kids about the social behavior you expect. Role play with them in the car before you arrive, or make a game of it before you go. “What do you say when Aunt Susie gives you a present?” “What if you don’t like the present?” “What do you when Uncle Norman wants to hug you hello?” “What if you don’t like the dinner that’s served?” “When you want to leave the table, how do you ask?” “What will you do if the cousins start arguing?”
6. Watch your kids’ food intake in the midst of too many treats and hyped-up schedules. Many tantrums originate from hunger. And all parents recognize the sugar high that sends kids bouncing off walls and then crashing into tears. If necessary, speak with your parents in advance about limiting treats. And carry small protein-rich snacks with you so your child doesn’t have a melt-down while the adults are negotiating where to go to dinner.
7. Give kids the traditions they love, which offer an experience of security and wonder. Focus on traditions that connect your family, such as telling your holiday story around the fire (or a table-full of candles), stringing popcorn for your tree, playing dreidel, or singing holiday songs togethe r. Be sure to include a tradition that gives your child the opportunity to feel good as a giver (buying and wrapping a book to donate, making a present for Grandma).
8. Don’t torture yourself and your kids by dragging them with you when you go shopping. You might be able to create a positive experience for yourself without them, but that’s almost impossible to do with them in tow. Trade off with a friend to watch all the kids while the other shops. (Too stressful to have all those kids underfoot? This is a great opportunity to launch a holiday tradition by watching Miracle on 34th Street!) Or limit yourself to buying online. Better yet, forgo most presents and make cookies with your kids instead for anyone you want to gift.
9. If you go on vacation, be sure it recharges and reconnects your family.
Some of us look forward to the kids’ school vacations as a chance to leave town in search of warm weather or winter sports. That can give you plenty of chances for family connection, especially if you forgo organized evenings in favor of family board games. What you want to avoid, of course, is racing around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy trip, and returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get cranky and stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do less, rather than more.
10. The most important tip, as always in parenting, is to manage yourself so you can stay calm. Remember that the holidays are stressful for kids, and your kids depend on you not only to regulate their environment, but also to help them regulate their moods.
If you’re out of balance, you won’t be able to help your kids stay on an even keel. In fact, if you’re anxious about everything you have to get done, your children will almost certainly begin to act out.
Your kids don’t need a magazine-spread holiday. They need you, in a good mood, living the spirit of the season and spreading love and good cheer. Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong, and be sure your own expectations of the season are reasonable. (What makes you think your difficult relative will suddenly be less difficult this year?!) Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Make sure you nurture yourself and stay in balance. The minute your mood veers from loving to frenzied, STOP. Hug your children and regroup. And at New Years, pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on a job well done, not just in December, but all year long.
Dr. Laura Markham copywrite - https://yps1.worldsecuresystems.com/
Happy Holidays from ChildSharing.com
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Children’s Emotional Needs During Divorce and Beyond
Children’s Emotional Needs During Divorce and Beyond
Written By Rosalind Sedacca —
When parents are caught up in the drama of divorce it is easy for them to forget the innate emotional and security needs of their innocent children. The following are a list of questions and comments that remind parents about the most fundamental needs of every child in order to experience psychological well-being.
They are provided by Dr. Paul Wanio, one of the contributors to my new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? These concepts are particularly significant for your consideration when your family is experiencing the challenges and upheavals connected to divorce or separation. With this in mind, Dr. Wanio suggests you not only consider these questions, but actually take the time to answer them for yourself.
1) How can I help my child to develop a sense of security and trust in him/herself, in people, in the world, and in getting his/her needs met?
A child needs to feel loved and a sense of belonging. They need to feel important … to know that someone is there to help … that their needs will be …
recognized … that there are a set of standards to live by — as well as values like kindness, courage, honesty, generosity and justice.
2) How can I caringly protect my child from excessive conflicts and frustrations at home?
Children cannot handle as much as adults. A child must have a feeling of safety and protection at home … know that someone is in charge who will not allow overwhelming emotions or situations to occur … will set limits with fairness … will listen compassionately … and explain confusing situations to alleviate any fears.
3) How can I help my child not to feel guilty or ashamed about mistakes, accidents or failures?
Children need to learn from their mistakes, not feel put down or be punished for them. They need to believe in themselves … to know that it is okay to make a mistake … and that you still love them and believe in their potential. Especially now, they need to know that your divorce is not their fault.
4) How can I assist my child to feel a sense of self-esteem and encouragement?
Children need to feel that their self-worth does not merely depend upon accomplishments, but upon who they are as individuals and because they are your children. They need to feel accepted by you even if you or others do not always approve of their behavior. At this time, knowing that they are loved by both parents is especially important. Putting down the other parent is like putting down a part of your child since he/she is a part of that parent. Avoid disparaging remarks about the other parent even if you are angry.
5) How can I encourage independence and a feeling of competency in my child?
In general, children need a sense of their very own achievement, even if it means possibly being wrong or different. They need to handle some things on their own or with minimal assistance, to be given choices [even if limited] and to feel some sense of being trusted and capable. During the time of divorce, your child may become more vulnerable and regress to an earlier stage of development. Do not demean your child for this, but understand that he/she may need to feel more “like a little kid” than “Mommy’s/Daddy’s big boy/girl.” If handled with compassion, this should be a temporary situation. If long-lasting, it may represent undue emotional stress.
6) How can I discipline my child without having him/her develop a negative self-image?
Simply put: Limit your child’s behavior, but not your child’s thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are not “bad,” though behavior may be inappropriate. Seek to influence thoughts, to understand and accept feelings and to improve behavior. True discipline is not thought of as punishment, but a lesson to teach your child about Life.
7) How can I help my child to feel good about him/herself, being male or female, secure when away from me and curious about life?
Children need to develop a sense of identity, to begin to answer the question, “Who am I?,” and to find satisfaction in being oneself. The more loved, understood and trusted they feel, the more secure they will be in their self-discovery. Your example and relationship with your child will have a very powerful influence in this regard.
* * *
Dr. Wanio is a psychotherapist in private practice in Lake Worth and Boca Raton, FL. He can be reached at DrPaulWanio@aol.com. He is also a contributor to the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT. To learn more, go to http://howdoitellthekids.com. For additional articles on child-centered divorce, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com
Written By Rosalind Sedacca —
When parents are caught up in the drama of divorce it is easy for them to forget the innate emotional and security needs of their innocent children. The following are a list of questions and comments that remind parents about the most fundamental needs of every child in order to experience psychological well-being.
They are provided by Dr. Paul Wanio, one of the contributors to my new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? These concepts are particularly significant for your consideration when your family is experiencing the challenges and upheavals connected to divorce or separation. With this in mind, Dr. Wanio suggests you not only consider these questions, but actually take the time to answer them for yourself.
1) How can I help my child to develop a sense of security and trust in him/herself, in people, in the world, and in getting his/her needs met?
A child needs to feel loved and a sense of belonging. They need to feel important … to know that someone is there to help … that their needs will be …
recognized … that there are a set of standards to live by — as well as values like kindness, courage, honesty, generosity and justice.
2) How can I caringly protect my child from excessive conflicts and frustrations at home?
Children cannot handle as much as adults. A child must have a feeling of safety and protection at home … know that someone is in charge who will not allow overwhelming emotions or situations to occur … will set limits with fairness … will listen compassionately … and explain confusing situations to alleviate any fears.
3) How can I help my child not to feel guilty or ashamed about mistakes, accidents or failures?
Children need to learn from their mistakes, not feel put down or be punished for them. They need to believe in themselves … to know that it is okay to make a mistake … and that you still love them and believe in their potential. Especially now, they need to know that your divorce is not their fault.
4) How can I assist my child to feel a sense of self-esteem and encouragement?
Children need to feel that their self-worth does not merely depend upon accomplishments, but upon who they are as individuals and because they are your children. They need to feel accepted by you even if you or others do not always approve of their behavior. At this time, knowing that they are loved by both parents is especially important. Putting down the other parent is like putting down a part of your child since he/she is a part of that parent. Avoid disparaging remarks about the other parent even if you are angry.
5) How can I encourage independence and a feeling of competency in my child?
In general, children need a sense of their very own achievement, even if it means possibly being wrong or different. They need to handle some things on their own or with minimal assistance, to be given choices [even if limited] and to feel some sense of being trusted and capable. During the time of divorce, your child may become more vulnerable and regress to an earlier stage of development. Do not demean your child for this, but understand that he/she may need to feel more “like a little kid” than “Mommy’s/Daddy’s big boy/girl.” If handled with compassion, this should be a temporary situation. If long-lasting, it may represent undue emotional stress.
6) How can I discipline my child without having him/her develop a negative self-image?
Simply put: Limit your child’s behavior, but not your child’s thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are not “bad,” though behavior may be inappropriate. Seek to influence thoughts, to understand and accept feelings and to improve behavior. True discipline is not thought of as punishment, but a lesson to teach your child about Life.
7) How can I help my child to feel good about him/herself, being male or female, secure when away from me and curious about life?
Children need to develop a sense of identity, to begin to answer the question, “Who am I?,” and to find satisfaction in being oneself. The more loved, understood and trusted they feel, the more secure they will be in their self-discovery. Your example and relationship with your child will have a very powerful influence in this regard.
* * *
Dr. Wanio is a psychotherapist in private practice in Lake Worth and Boca Raton, FL. He can be reached at DrPaulWanio@aol.com. He is also a contributor to the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT. To learn more, go to http://howdoitellthekids.com. For additional articles on child-centered divorce, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com
Monday, November 16, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
EMUSIC is a SCAM
TO ALL INTERESTED PARTIES EMUSIC.com is a scam and horrible - they did not cancel our account and continued to bill us - BEWARE - my son signed up and they did not honor his cancellation - billed for MONTHS DO NOT USE THIS COMPANY
Monday, November 9, 2009
Parenting Teens
Parents of older teens can best help their children reach maturity by becoming a facilitator and encourager, not a financial benefactor.
Parents of older teens need to encourage and facilitate their teen in becoming more mature. If they have no money to reach their goals in life, then it’s best to help them find a job, not give them money.
It’s important for parents to understand that at this age a child’s future can be short-circuited by handing them everything on a silver platter, thereby making it appear that life on their own will be a breeze. Most of all, teens need to learn and take responsibility for the real costs and the real effort required to live away from mom and dad, not be fooled by the ease offered by an overindulgent parent.
Experts from Mark Gregston - Parenting Today's Teens -
www.ChildSharing.com
Parents of older teens need to encourage and facilitate their teen in becoming more mature. If they have no money to reach their goals in life, then it’s best to help them find a job, not give them money.
It’s important for parents to understand that at this age a child’s future can be short-circuited by handing them everything on a silver platter, thereby making it appear that life on their own will be a breeze. Most of all, teens need to learn and take responsibility for the real costs and the real effort required to live away from mom and dad, not be fooled by the ease offered by an overindulgent parent.
Experts from Mark Gregston - Parenting Today's Teens -
www.ChildSharing.com
How to Raise an Intelligent, Creative Child
Raise Great Kids
How to Raise an Intelligent, Creative Child
by: DrLauraMarkham@AhaParenting.com
We all want our kids to reach their full intellectual and creative potential, to love learning, to enjoy reading. And there's no question that doing well academically gives kids huge advantages for the rest of their lives. Here's how to raise a child who's intellectually curious, creative, and excited about learning on every level -- for the long haul.
How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Managing anxiety in order to tackle a big project, managing anger in order to work through a marital conflict, managing fear in order to apply for a job -- the ability of a human being to manage his or her emotions in a healthy way will determine the quality of his life in a much more fundamental way than his IQ. In fact, psychologists have come to call this ability EQ, or Emotional Intelligence Quotient. How to raise a child with a high EQ, which, you'll be happy to find, also means happier and better behaved.
How to Raise a Socially Intelligent Child
Your child lives in a complicated social world. This has always been true for children: all parents can remember their own tears or rage at the cruelty of another child; all parents can remember wanting desperately to be accepted and approved of by other kids. Things are even more complicated for children now, as media has introduced children to the world of adult mores before they are emotionally ready. Our children do not know, just instinctively, how to build good relationships with other children in such a culture of shifting rules. If children have good relationships at home they have a healthy head start, but they still need your help in learning to navigate a complex social world.
How to Raise a Child of Character
Parents often ask how to raise a child with good character and values, in the context of a culture that seems to reward the opposite. The simplest answer is that children learn what they live, so if you live your values, your kids are likely to as well. It's also true that talking explicitly about our values helps kids to develop them, especially in the face of teachings from the media or their peers that might go against what you believe. And there are definitely ways that you can encourage your child to be thoughtful, generous, responsible, and courageous -- in short, a person of character.
Posting courtesy of Dr. Laura Markham - ahaParenting.com
ChildSharing.com - Online Parenting Classes for Families Raising Children Between Two Homes
How to Raise an Intelligent, Creative Child
by: DrLauraMarkham@AhaParenting.com
We all want our kids to reach their full intellectual and creative potential, to love learning, to enjoy reading. And there's no question that doing well academically gives kids huge advantages for the rest of their lives. Here's how to raise a child who's intellectually curious, creative, and excited about learning on every level -- for the long haul.
How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Managing anxiety in order to tackle a big project, managing anger in order to work through a marital conflict, managing fear in order to apply for a job -- the ability of a human being to manage his or her emotions in a healthy way will determine the quality of his life in a much more fundamental way than his IQ. In fact, psychologists have come to call this ability EQ, or Emotional Intelligence Quotient. How to raise a child with a high EQ, which, you'll be happy to find, also means happier and better behaved.
How to Raise a Socially Intelligent Child
Your child lives in a complicated social world. This has always been true for children: all parents can remember their own tears or rage at the cruelty of another child; all parents can remember wanting desperately to be accepted and approved of by other kids. Things are even more complicated for children now, as media has introduced children to the world of adult mores before they are emotionally ready. Our children do not know, just instinctively, how to build good relationships with other children in such a culture of shifting rules. If children have good relationships at home they have a healthy head start, but they still need your help in learning to navigate a complex social world.
How to Raise a Child of Character
Parents often ask how to raise a child with good character and values, in the context of a culture that seems to reward the opposite. The simplest answer is that children learn what they live, so if you live your values, your kids are likely to as well. It's also true that talking explicitly about our values helps kids to develop them, especially in the face of teachings from the media or their peers that might go against what you believe. And there are definitely ways that you can encourage your child to be thoughtful, generous, responsible, and courageous -- in short, a person of character.
Posting courtesy of Dr. Laura Markham - ahaParenting.com
ChildSharing.com - Online Parenting Classes for Families Raising Children Between Two Homes
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Joint Custody
Joint Custody
Many states require that the parents share joint custody because it is usually in the best interest of a minor child. When the parents share joint custody they must work together and share in the right and responsibility to decide health, education, religious, and daily welfare issues. With joint custody, the children often spend half their time with their mother and half with their father.
When both parents share the custody of their minor children, the court will calculate child support payments differently then if only one parent has custody. The theory is that each parent is responsible for the child’s expenses when the child is in their physical custody, and since physical custody is shared, those expenses are also shared. But if one parent earns substantially more income than the other, the court may order child support payments. For example, if the child lives with one parent in a tiny apartment for part of the time and then lives with the other parent in a mansion for the rest of the time, the court may order that the wealthier parent contribute child support to allow the child to have a similar standard of living with both parents.
Many states require that the parents share joint custody because it is usually in the best interest of a minor child. When the parents share joint custody they must work together and share in the right and responsibility to decide health, education, religious, and daily welfare issues. With joint custody, the children often spend half their time with their mother and half with their father.
When both parents share the custody of their minor children, the court will calculate child support payments differently then if only one parent has custody. The theory is that each parent is responsible for the child’s expenses when the child is in their physical custody, and since physical custody is shared, those expenses are also shared. But if one parent earns substantially more income than the other, the court may order child support payments. For example, if the child lives with one parent in a tiny apartment for part of the time and then lives with the other parent in a mansion for the rest of the time, the court may order that the wealthier parent contribute child support to allow the child to have a similar standard of living with both parents.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Home from Conference
Busy last week in Michigan and a great conference which I attended. Now I must be back to busines @ hand (homeland) and continue on my quest:ChildSharing.com
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
More on Divorce
The Child Advocate
Divorce Effects on Children
Home What'sNew Subjects Contents Feedback Search
An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents
Sara Eleoff
The Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine
November 2003
Initial Reactions of Children to Divorce [3]
· Divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level; many children are inadequately prepared for the impending divorce by their parents. A study in 1980 found that less than 10% of children had support from adults other than relatives during the acute phase of the divorce.
· The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of: a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family (many children do not realize their parents’ marriage is troubled), loss of the non-custodial parent, a feeling of intense anger as the disruption of the family, and strong feelings of powerlessness.
· Unlike bereavement or other stressful events, it is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change, usual and customary support systems tend to dissolve, though the ignorance or unwillingness of adults to actively seek out this support for children.
Developmental Considerations in the Response of Children [3]
· A major focus of the scholarly literature on divorce is the grouping of common reactions of children by age groups.
· Preschool (ages 3-5): These children are likely to exhibit a regression of the most recent developmental milestone achieved. Additionally, sleep disturbances and an exacerbated fear of separation from the custodial parent are common. There is usually a great deal of yearning for the non-custodial parent.
· Early latency (ages 6½-8): These children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. There is a noted preoccupation with fantasies that distinguishes the reactions of this age group. Children have replacement fantasies, or fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce.
· Late latency (ages 8-11): Anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the predominate emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, these children experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. There is a greater tendency to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent and these children are very susceptible to attempting to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs.
· Adolescence (ages 12-18): Adolescents are prone to responding to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issues surrounding divorce and will often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships. However, this age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show compassion for their parents without neglecting their own needs.
Effects of Divorce on the Parent-Child Relationship
· Diminished parenting: In the wake of a divorce, most custodial mothers exhibit varying degrees of disorganization, anger, decreased expectations for appropriate social behavior of their children, and a reduction of the ability of parents to separate the child’s needs and actions from those of the adult. While diminished parenting is usually an expected short-term consequence of divorce; there is a serious potential for these changes to become chronic if a custodial parent does not reconstitute the relationship with the child or becomes involved in a new relationship which overwhelms the relationship with the child. [4]
· The overburdened child phenomena: approximately 15% of children interviewed at the 10 year follow-up point in a 15 year study showed significant effects from taking on the role of holding a custodial parent together psychologically. In a change that goes deeper than a simple reversal of the care-taker role, the child oftentimes becomes responsible for staving off depression and other threats to parent’s psychological functioning, at the cost of their own needs. [3]
The Impact of Paternal Involvement on Post-Divorce Children [2]
· When the divorce rate began to rise exponentially in the 1970s, it was thought that absence of paternal contact was a critical factor in the poor adaptation of some children to divorce. Several studies, including the National Survey of Children, have shown that paternal participation has a negligible effect, if any, on the well being of children (academics, behavioral problems, distress, and delinquency). However, it is important to note that there are several limiting factors in these studies (low overall level of paternal contact with children) and that the principle conclusion derived should be that increased paternal contact does not correlate to increases in positive outcomes.
Long-term Outcomes
· 10 and 15 year longitudinal studies show that divorce is not to be considered as an acute stress/crisis in the lives of children but rather, it is an event that can have long term consequences on psychosocial functional of children, adolescents, and young adults. The long-term outcomes of well-adjusted or poorly adjusted children draw heavily on the child’s post-divorce quality of life and on the post-divorce or remarried parent-child relationships.
· The most frequent delayed onset negative consequences center around anxieties and fear of the child that s/he will repeat the failed marital or love relationship that the child observed during the divorce. [4]
· Wallerstein’s ‘sleeper effect’ is a piquant example of the far-reaching effects of one such long-term consequence. Up to 66% of the women between 19-23 that were interviewed during 10 years post-divorce had a resurgence of anxiety, fear, guilt, and anger that they had suppressed for many years. These feelings tended to resurface when the adolescent and young adult women were attempting to make major life decisions (such as marriage). [3]
Conclusions
· Divorce and its ensuing ramifications can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well being and subsequent development of children and adolescents.
· The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.
· There is a significant need for child mental health professionals, along with other child specialists, to be cognizant of the broad spectrum of possible fall-out from a divorce and then to provide sufficient support for children of divorced parents in all the necessary psychosocial aspects of the child’s life.
References
1. Hetherington EM. Furstenberg FF. Sounding the Alarm. Readings: A Journal of Review and Commentary in Mental Health. 6: 4-8, 1989.
2. Furstenberg FF. Morgan SP. Allison PD. Paternal Participation and Children’s Well-Being After Marital Dissolution. American Sociological Review. 52: 695-701, 1987.
3. Wallerstein, JS. Corbin SB. The Child and the Vicissitudes of Divorce.
4. Wallerstein, JS. Children After Divorce: Wounds That Don’t Heal. The Psychiatric Times: Medicine and Behavior. 8: 8-11, 1989.
Back to the Divorce and Children page
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Copyright © 2001-2008 The Child Advocate All rights reserved.
Revised: January 20, 2008 .
Divorce Effects on Children
Home What'sNew Subjects Contents Feedback Search
An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents
Sara Eleoff
The Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine
November 2003
Initial Reactions of Children to Divorce [3]
· Divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level; many children are inadequately prepared for the impending divorce by their parents. A study in 1980 found that less than 10% of children had support from adults other than relatives during the acute phase of the divorce.
· The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of: a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family (many children do not realize their parents’ marriage is troubled), loss of the non-custodial parent, a feeling of intense anger as the disruption of the family, and strong feelings of powerlessness.
· Unlike bereavement or other stressful events, it is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change, usual and customary support systems tend to dissolve, though the ignorance or unwillingness of adults to actively seek out this support for children.
Developmental Considerations in the Response of Children [3]
· A major focus of the scholarly literature on divorce is the grouping of common reactions of children by age groups.
· Preschool (ages 3-5): These children are likely to exhibit a regression of the most recent developmental milestone achieved. Additionally, sleep disturbances and an exacerbated fear of separation from the custodial parent are common. There is usually a great deal of yearning for the non-custodial parent.
· Early latency (ages 6½-8): These children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. There is a noted preoccupation with fantasies that distinguishes the reactions of this age group. Children have replacement fantasies, or fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce.
· Late latency (ages 8-11): Anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the predominate emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, these children experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. There is a greater tendency to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent and these children are very susceptible to attempting to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs.
· Adolescence (ages 12-18): Adolescents are prone to responding to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issues surrounding divorce and will often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships. However, this age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show compassion for their parents without neglecting their own needs.
Effects of Divorce on the Parent-Child Relationship
· Diminished parenting: In the wake of a divorce, most custodial mothers exhibit varying degrees of disorganization, anger, decreased expectations for appropriate social behavior of their children, and a reduction of the ability of parents to separate the child’s needs and actions from those of the adult. While diminished parenting is usually an expected short-term consequence of divorce; there is a serious potential for these changes to become chronic if a custodial parent does not reconstitute the relationship with the child or becomes involved in a new relationship which overwhelms the relationship with the child. [4]
· The overburdened child phenomena: approximately 15% of children interviewed at the 10 year follow-up point in a 15 year study showed significant effects from taking on the role of holding a custodial parent together psychologically. In a change that goes deeper than a simple reversal of the care-taker role, the child oftentimes becomes responsible for staving off depression and other threats to parent’s psychological functioning, at the cost of their own needs. [3]
The Impact of Paternal Involvement on Post-Divorce Children [2]
· When the divorce rate began to rise exponentially in the 1970s, it was thought that absence of paternal contact was a critical factor in the poor adaptation of some children to divorce. Several studies, including the National Survey of Children, have shown that paternal participation has a negligible effect, if any, on the well being of children (academics, behavioral problems, distress, and delinquency). However, it is important to note that there are several limiting factors in these studies (low overall level of paternal contact with children) and that the principle conclusion derived should be that increased paternal contact does not correlate to increases in positive outcomes.
Long-term Outcomes
· 10 and 15 year longitudinal studies show that divorce is not to be considered as an acute stress/crisis in the lives of children but rather, it is an event that can have long term consequences on psychosocial functional of children, adolescents, and young adults. The long-term outcomes of well-adjusted or poorly adjusted children draw heavily on the child’s post-divorce quality of life and on the post-divorce or remarried parent-child relationships.
· The most frequent delayed onset negative consequences center around anxieties and fear of the child that s/he will repeat the failed marital or love relationship that the child observed during the divorce. [4]
· Wallerstein’s ‘sleeper effect’ is a piquant example of the far-reaching effects of one such long-term consequence. Up to 66% of the women between 19-23 that were interviewed during 10 years post-divorce had a resurgence of anxiety, fear, guilt, and anger that they had suppressed for many years. These feelings tended to resurface when the adolescent and young adult women were attempting to make major life decisions (such as marriage). [3]
Conclusions
· Divorce and its ensuing ramifications can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well being and subsequent development of children and adolescents.
· The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.
· There is a significant need for child mental health professionals, along with other child specialists, to be cognizant of the broad spectrum of possible fall-out from a divorce and then to provide sufficient support for children of divorced parents in all the necessary psychosocial aspects of the child’s life.
References
1. Hetherington EM. Furstenberg FF. Sounding the Alarm. Readings: A Journal of Review and Commentary in Mental Health. 6: 4-8, 1989.
2. Furstenberg FF. Morgan SP. Allison PD. Paternal Participation and Children’s Well-Being After Marital Dissolution. American Sociological Review. 52: 695-701, 1987.
3. Wallerstein, JS. Corbin SB. The Child and the Vicissitudes of Divorce.
4. Wallerstein, JS. Children After Divorce: Wounds That Don’t Heal. The Psychiatric Times: Medicine and Behavior. 8: 8-11, 1989.
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Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Mark Gregston on parenting Today's Teens
Teenagers are stepping over the line when they speak disrespectfully or take your stuff without asking.
Another word for the proverbial “line” not to cross is “boundaries.” Defining your boundaries will help an immature child learn how to respond and relate to others. For instance, “We will talk with respect to one another,” or, “We will respect each other’s property.”
But does your teenager know what your boundaries are? I advocate writing down your boundaries and posting them front and center so they are clear, including the associated consequences for stepping over the line, so he also knows the penalty for immature behavior.
Doing so will bring peace to your home and help your teen learn the right way to behave in every relationship.
from "Parenting Today's Teens Radio"
Another word for the proverbial “line” not to cross is “boundaries.” Defining your boundaries will help an immature child learn how to respond and relate to others. For instance, “We will talk with respect to one another,” or, “We will respect each other’s property.”
But does your teenager know what your boundaries are? I advocate writing down your boundaries and posting them front and center so they are clear, including the associated consequences for stepping over the line, so he also knows the penalty for immature behavior.
Doing so will bring peace to your home and help your teen learn the right way to behave in every relationship.
from "Parenting Today's Teens Radio"
End of Month
It is the close of September and business is steady. Know October will be a good month for US here @ ChildSharing
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
ChildSharing Secures New Relationship with Multiple Counties in Washington State
Online Classes and a Host of Resource Tools Assist Washington Family Courts in Offering Online Education for Families Raising Children Between Two Homes.
ChildSharing, Inc. has announced its new relationship with six counties in Washington State today. Klickitat, Skamania, Grant, Ferry, Pend Oreille, Stevens Counties within the State of Washington have all responded to our online co-parenting program as a viable option to their current offering. This relationship will enable ChildSharing, Inc. the ability to offer certified parenting classes throughout these counties. This provides parents greater flexibility and options when selecting a class to suit their needs.
Griff Hopkins, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Development Planners, says “The need for cost-effective educational co-parenting programs in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and families new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
ChildSharing.com provides interactive educational classes, resource articles as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge they need as they transition into their new lives.
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Michelle Muncy in the Marketing office at: 805.550.3663 or michelle@ChildSharing.com.
###
ChildSharing, Inc. has announced its new relationship with six counties in Washington State today. Klickitat, Skamania, Grant, Ferry, Pend Oreille, Stevens Counties within the State of Washington have all responded to our online co-parenting program as a viable option to their current offering. This relationship will enable ChildSharing, Inc. the ability to offer certified parenting classes throughout these counties. This provides parents greater flexibility and options when selecting a class to suit their needs.
Griff Hopkins, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Development Planners, says “The need for cost-effective educational co-parenting programs in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and families new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
ChildSharing.com provides interactive educational classes, resource articles as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge they need as they transition into their new lives.
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Michelle Muncy in the Marketing office at: 805.550.3663 or michelle@ChildSharing.com.
###
Tuesday Sept 29
We are staying busy and great that we can be of benefical to co-parents that need our service.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday
Busy day here. Working on posting ad's with Craiglist and several newpapers. Great way to start off week
Friday, September 25, 2009
Learning more and more each day about co-parenting. As a single parent and what I have instilled with my children I think I have done a good job "sharing" their future with their dad. I am also a step-parent (11yr old) and learned so much about not interferring with "his" parents interactions. Thank you ChildSharing.com
Adultery: Does It Make Any Difference?
Title: Adultery: Does It Make Any Difference?
Author: Dianna J. Gould-Saltman, Esq.
Date: Winter, 1998
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. As we watched the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal unfold in Washington, and as we got the sound bites of the Starr report hot off the presses (or the computer screens), that age-old question arises for family law attorneys: does adultery even matter in family law? We don't know the answer in the 40 other states, but in California, the answer is maybe, but not necessarily in ways you think.
WHAT DOES NO FAULT DIVORCE REALLY MEAN?
Most people are aware that California is a "no fault" divorce state, that is, one is not required to prove that one's spouse has done something "wrong" in order to obtain a divorce. the only two grounds from which to choose to dissolve a marriage here in California is (a). irreconcilable differences have arisen which have caused a complete break down of the marriage; or (b) incurable insanity. While many are tempted to plead the latter (ie. He must have been CRAZY to think he wouldn't get caught!"), it's much more technical than that and most people choose a. Some other states, and California prior to 1970 required "proof" of "fault" (eg. Cruelty, abandonment, adultery, etc.). The result of being the party "at fault" can, in some states, affect the allocation of marital property or the amount or duration of spousal support (alimony). In a "no fault" state, marital infidelity is irrelevant to obtaining a divorce or to the division of property.
Additionally, while California once permitted people to sue for alienation of affection, criminal conversion (spouse stealing), seduction of a person over the age of legal consent and breach of promise to marry, they were done away with some time ago.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN
If an extramarital relationship has carried over after the parties separate, many people wonder whether the fact that the "new girlfriend" or "new boyfriend" is around is reason enough to restrict child custody or visitation. Aside from the anger and embarrassment of the cuckolded spouse, I am frequently asked whether that doesn't confuse the children ("This is contrary to everything we've raised the children to value and believe") and whether, if the new "significant other" spends the night, isn't that teaching the children that sex without marriage is OK, when the parents have always told the children it isn't. The answer is , under the law, the court must make custody orders consistent with the best interests of the children and, unless evidence contradicts the assumption, it is assumed that the children need frequent and continuing contact with each parent. Actually having sex in front of the children is never condoned and shows a gross lack of good judgment. Short of that, while such relationships might be an affront to the dignity of the offended spouse, it is unlikely to have a significant impact on a child custody order.
SO WHERE MIGHT "ADULTEROUS BEHAVIOR" COME INTO PLAY IN FAMILY LAW?
Misappropriation: During marriage each spouse is charged with the duty to manage marital assets (including income) in a way which hopefully benefits, and, at a minimum, does not harm, the family. If one spouse takes money away from the family for a purpose contrary to the family, that is called a misappropriation. Spending community money on a girlfriend or boyfriend, especially expensive gifts, paying for rent or mortgage, or vacations can be deemed a misappropriation for which the "injured" party is entitled to reimbursement for one half of the funds spent, possibly with interest, from the date of the misappropriation.
Interspousal tort. Under non-criminal law, an intentional, unlawful and harmful or offensive contact by one person with the person of another may be considered "battery", for which damages (money) may be assessed. Should an extramarital affair result in the offending party contracting, and giving to the "innocent" party a sexually transmitted disease, that may constitute civil "battery". Such an action might need to be prosecuted in a separate civil action apart from the divorce case, but the two cases can be consolidated upon appropriate motion to the court.
Supported Spouse. Where one spouse is paying spousal support to the other, if the supported spouse thereafter "cohabits" with a member of the opposite sex, there is a rebuttable presumption that the supported person has a decreased need for spousal support. The supported spouse then has the burden of proving continued need. This does NOT, however, affect child support. cohabitation has been defined in cases over the years as being something more than roommates, probably requiring romantic involvement, but not necessarily sexual relations. The income of the new boyfriend or girlfriend or even a new spouse of the payor is irrelevant.
CONCLUSION
Infidelity most affects divorce in the negotiation process. Rarely does infidelity fail to elicit a strong, negative emotional response from the "wronged" spouse. In turn, the party who is engaged in the affair may respond out of guilt, become defensive or turn blame onto the other party again, all strong, negative emotional responses. Strong negative emotions are among the things which make divorces more acrimonious, protracted and painful.
The law will be applied neutrally and there may be little legal detriment to adultery. All actions, however have their consequences, whether around a negotiating table, in a court of law, or on the Senate floor.
**Originally published in the Gould-Saltman Family Law Forum (Winter, 1998). Reprinted with permission.
DIANNA J. GOULD-SALTMAN IS A PARTNER IN THE GOULD-SALTMAN LAW OFFICES, LLP, A FIRM DEDICATED TO THE HIGHEST QUALITY FAMILY LAW MEDIATION AND REPRESENTATION. SHE MAY BE REACHED AT 323-939-8400.
Author: Dianna J. Gould-Saltman, Esq.
Date: Winter, 1998
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. As we watched the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal unfold in Washington, and as we got the sound bites of the Starr report hot off the presses (or the computer screens), that age-old question arises for family law attorneys: does adultery even matter in family law? We don't know the answer in the 40 other states, but in California, the answer is maybe, but not necessarily in ways you think.
WHAT DOES NO FAULT DIVORCE REALLY MEAN?
Most people are aware that California is a "no fault" divorce state, that is, one is not required to prove that one's spouse has done something "wrong" in order to obtain a divorce. the only two grounds from which to choose to dissolve a marriage here in California is (a). irreconcilable differences have arisen which have caused a complete break down of the marriage; or (b) incurable insanity. While many are tempted to plead the latter (ie. He must have been CRAZY to think he wouldn't get caught!"), it's much more technical than that and most people choose a. Some other states, and California prior to 1970 required "proof" of "fault" (eg. Cruelty, abandonment, adultery, etc.). The result of being the party "at fault" can, in some states, affect the allocation of marital property or the amount or duration of spousal support (alimony). In a "no fault" state, marital infidelity is irrelevant to obtaining a divorce or to the division of property.
Additionally, while California once permitted people to sue for alienation of affection, criminal conversion (spouse stealing), seduction of a person over the age of legal consent and breach of promise to marry, they were done away with some time ago.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN
If an extramarital relationship has carried over after the parties separate, many people wonder whether the fact that the "new girlfriend" or "new boyfriend" is around is reason enough to restrict child custody or visitation. Aside from the anger and embarrassment of the cuckolded spouse, I am frequently asked whether that doesn't confuse the children ("This is contrary to everything we've raised the children to value and believe") and whether, if the new "significant other" spends the night, isn't that teaching the children that sex without marriage is OK, when the parents have always told the children it isn't. The answer is , under the law, the court must make custody orders consistent with the best interests of the children and, unless evidence contradicts the assumption, it is assumed that the children need frequent and continuing contact with each parent. Actually having sex in front of the children is never condoned and shows a gross lack of good judgment. Short of that, while such relationships might be an affront to the dignity of the offended spouse, it is unlikely to have a significant impact on a child custody order.
SO WHERE MIGHT "ADULTEROUS BEHAVIOR" COME INTO PLAY IN FAMILY LAW?
Misappropriation: During marriage each spouse is charged with the duty to manage marital assets (including income) in a way which hopefully benefits, and, at a minimum, does not harm, the family. If one spouse takes money away from the family for a purpose contrary to the family, that is called a misappropriation. Spending community money on a girlfriend or boyfriend, especially expensive gifts, paying for rent or mortgage, or vacations can be deemed a misappropriation for which the "injured" party is entitled to reimbursement for one half of the funds spent, possibly with interest, from the date of the misappropriation.
Interspousal tort. Under non-criminal law, an intentional, unlawful and harmful or offensive contact by one person with the person of another may be considered "battery", for which damages (money) may be assessed. Should an extramarital affair result in the offending party contracting, and giving to the "innocent" party a sexually transmitted disease, that may constitute civil "battery". Such an action might need to be prosecuted in a separate civil action apart from the divorce case, but the two cases can be consolidated upon appropriate motion to the court.
Supported Spouse. Where one spouse is paying spousal support to the other, if the supported spouse thereafter "cohabits" with a member of the opposite sex, there is a rebuttable presumption that the supported person has a decreased need for spousal support. The supported spouse then has the burden of proving continued need. This does NOT, however, affect child support. cohabitation has been defined in cases over the years as being something more than roommates, probably requiring romantic involvement, but not necessarily sexual relations. The income of the new boyfriend or girlfriend or even a new spouse of the payor is irrelevant.
CONCLUSION
Infidelity most affects divorce in the negotiation process. Rarely does infidelity fail to elicit a strong, negative emotional response from the "wronged" spouse. In turn, the party who is engaged in the affair may respond out of guilt, become defensive or turn blame onto the other party again, all strong, negative emotional responses. Strong negative emotions are among the things which make divorces more acrimonious, protracted and painful.
The law will be applied neutrally and there may be little legal detriment to adultery. All actions, however have their consequences, whether around a negotiating table, in a court of law, or on the Senate floor.
**Originally published in the Gould-Saltman Family Law Forum (Winter, 1998). Reprinted with permission.
DIANNA J. GOULD-SALTMAN IS A PARTNER IN THE GOULD-SALTMAN LAW OFFICES, LLP, A FIRM DEDICATED TO THE HIGHEST QUALITY FAMILY LAW MEDIATION AND REPRESENTATION. SHE MAY BE REACHED AT 323-939-8400.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
In California, justice takes a day off
The state's chief justice says shutting down the courts one day a month will be a burden -- and a test of our ability to deal with fiscal crisis.
* Related
*
Discuss Ronald M. George's Sept. 14 Op-Ed article.
By Ronald M. George
September 14, 2009Starting Sept. 16, the largest court system in the nation will be closing the doors of courthouses across the state one day each month. On Wednesday, an estimated 3 million cases will be delayed, 150 jury trials interrupted and 250 child custody cases unheard. Jails will be more crowded as arraignment and release dates are postponed; attorneys and their clients will be inconvenienced, as will jurors; and the public will experience longer lines, more delays and more crowded courtrooms.
Wednesday is the first of 10 monthly statewide closure days (uniformly the third Wednesday of each month) authorized by the Judicial Council, the constitutionally created body that administers California's court system. As in many other states, the council was created in the 1920s, an outgrowth of the Progressive movement, which sought to make government more efficient, more effective and more accountable. The mission of the council today remains largely unchanged: to ensure the consistent, impartial and accessible administration of justice in the state.
Why then is the council, a body created to protect and increase access to justice in California, allowing our courts to close for even one day a month?
California's economic crisis has affected government at all levels and in nearly every area of service, as well as every aspect of private life and business. For seven months, Californians have endured the effects of mandatory furloughs for many state workers, first two days a month and now three. But courts are not state agencies. And courthouses -- known earlier in our history as "temples of justice" -- are not just office buildings; they are the repository of our fundamental commitment to justice for all. The unintended yet inevitable symbolism of "Closed" signs on institutions that embody our democratic ideals is yet another tragic indicator of the severity of California's economic crisis.
The Judicial Council, with express authorization from the Legislature and the governor, made the difficult decision to close courts one day a month to avoid even more damaging consequences of reductions in the judicial branch's budget. This course of action was taken with great reluctance at an emergency public meeting in July, after substantial input from local courts and after months of examining alternatives. In the end, court closures proved to be the only rational option available to address budget realities while protecting skilled employees from massive layoffs, maintaining a consistent level of court services for litigants and their lawyers, and preserving equal access to justice. Indeed, the Superior Court of Los Angeles County had already concluded that closures were inevitable and in July became the first court in the state to implement monthly closures.
At the emergency meeting, I pledged to reduce my own salary to share in the sacrifice we are asking of the majority of the 21,000 men and women who work in the California judicial branch. I also encouraged my judicial colleagues across the state -- more than 1,600 trial judges and an additional 111 appellate justices -- to join me in voluntarily waiving their salaries for one day a month or donating a portion of their salaries to support court operations. I am gratified to report that a very high percentage of the judges in the state have pledged to either participate in the waiver or to make private donations to their respective courts. As The Times recently reported, that figure is exceptionally high in Los Angeles, where 423 of the 430 judges are participating in voluntary pay reductions.
At this critical juncture in our state's history, even as the judicial branch is forced to close courts one day a month, the state court system itself remains stronger and better able to deliver on the promise of equal justice under law because of the many changes we have made in the last several years. In the years I have served as California's chief justice and chairman of the Judicial Council, the judicial branch has undergone the most significant structural reforms in our state's history.
The court reforms of recent years rival those of the Progressive era and will exceed them in the benefits they provide to the public. Legislation in 1997 that allowed for statewide funding of the trial courts addressed historic inequities in the quality of justice dispensed among California's 58 counties. In 1998, California voters approved an amendment to the state Constitution to permit the unification of the 220 Superior and Municipal courts into 58 trial courts -- one in each county. Unification has allowed greater flexibility in the use of judicial and staff resources, eliminated duplicative services and led to the creation of additional services for the public, such as collaborative justice courts, domestic violence courts, drug courts and complex litigation courts. Finally, the Trial Court Facilities Act of 2002 called for the transfer of responsibility for court facilities from the counties to the state. This allowed the judicial branch for the first time to assume responsibility for the buildings in which judges and court staff work and the public is served, and to do so economically and effectively. To date, 503 (more than 90%) of our court structures have been transferred to the state's ownership under judicial branch management.
These historic changes and the growing responsibilities of the council have been a means to an end. They have strengthened the judiciary as a coequal and independent branch of government and secured the system of checks and balances essential to a robust democracy. They have addressed budget inequities among trial courts around the state. They have improved our branch's accountability to our sister branches of government for the financial appropriations provided to the courts. And ultimately they have enhanced equal access to justice and provided a greater degree of accountability.
One irony of the current crisis is that it restricts court services at a time when the need for them is increasing. The economic downturn has produced a sharp spike in civil filings, especially in the areas of contract and unlawful detainer, which includes evictions. This increase has more than offset a small decline in criminal filings. What this means to judges and court staff is that we are asking them to do more with less. What this means for all Californians is that we must provide adequate resources for courts to resolve disputes in an orderly manner, or suffer the consequences of being unable to meet the public's needs.
When I served as a trial judge in Los Angeles during the 1970s and '80s, California was still in its age of abundance. Today we are in a far more challenging time. The fiscal crisis in our state will have profound effects on many aspects of public service, including the courts, in the next fiscal year and for several years to come. I am committed to protecting the public from the full impact of further reductions in court services, and from any decline in the high quality of justice that so many have worked so long to achieve.
My hope is that as we are tested by this crisis, all of us -- state government officers, justices and judges, court employees and Californians everywhere -- will join together in meeting these challenges. How we proceed will tell us a great deal about the prospects for our state in the years ahead.
Ronald M. George is chief justice of California and chairman of the state Judicial Council.
Copyright © 2009, The Los Angeles Times
* Related
*
Discuss Ronald M. George's Sept. 14 Op-Ed article.
By Ronald M. George
September 14, 2009Starting Sept. 16, the largest court system in the nation will be closing the doors of courthouses across the state one day each month. On Wednesday, an estimated 3 million cases will be delayed, 150 jury trials interrupted and 250 child custody cases unheard. Jails will be more crowded as arraignment and release dates are postponed; attorneys and their clients will be inconvenienced, as will jurors; and the public will experience longer lines, more delays and more crowded courtrooms.
Wednesday is the first of 10 monthly statewide closure days (uniformly the third Wednesday of each month) authorized by the Judicial Council, the constitutionally created body that administers California's court system. As in many other states, the council was created in the 1920s, an outgrowth of the Progressive movement, which sought to make government more efficient, more effective and more accountable. The mission of the council today remains largely unchanged: to ensure the consistent, impartial and accessible administration of justice in the state.
Why then is the council, a body created to protect and increase access to justice in California, allowing our courts to close for even one day a month?
California's economic crisis has affected government at all levels and in nearly every area of service, as well as every aspect of private life and business. For seven months, Californians have endured the effects of mandatory furloughs for many state workers, first two days a month and now three. But courts are not state agencies. And courthouses -- known earlier in our history as "temples of justice" -- are not just office buildings; they are the repository of our fundamental commitment to justice for all. The unintended yet inevitable symbolism of "Closed" signs on institutions that embody our democratic ideals is yet another tragic indicator of the severity of California's economic crisis.
The Judicial Council, with express authorization from the Legislature and the governor, made the difficult decision to close courts one day a month to avoid even more damaging consequences of reductions in the judicial branch's budget. This course of action was taken with great reluctance at an emergency public meeting in July, after substantial input from local courts and after months of examining alternatives. In the end, court closures proved to be the only rational option available to address budget realities while protecting skilled employees from massive layoffs, maintaining a consistent level of court services for litigants and their lawyers, and preserving equal access to justice. Indeed, the Superior Court of Los Angeles County had already concluded that closures were inevitable and in July became the first court in the state to implement monthly closures.
At the emergency meeting, I pledged to reduce my own salary to share in the sacrifice we are asking of the majority of the 21,000 men and women who work in the California judicial branch. I also encouraged my judicial colleagues across the state -- more than 1,600 trial judges and an additional 111 appellate justices -- to join me in voluntarily waiving their salaries for one day a month or donating a portion of their salaries to support court operations. I am gratified to report that a very high percentage of the judges in the state have pledged to either participate in the waiver or to make private donations to their respective courts. As The Times recently reported, that figure is exceptionally high in Los Angeles, where 423 of the 430 judges are participating in voluntary pay reductions.
At this critical juncture in our state's history, even as the judicial branch is forced to close courts one day a month, the state court system itself remains stronger and better able to deliver on the promise of equal justice under law because of the many changes we have made in the last several years. In the years I have served as California's chief justice and chairman of the Judicial Council, the judicial branch has undergone the most significant structural reforms in our state's history.
The court reforms of recent years rival those of the Progressive era and will exceed them in the benefits they provide to the public. Legislation in 1997 that allowed for statewide funding of the trial courts addressed historic inequities in the quality of justice dispensed among California's 58 counties. In 1998, California voters approved an amendment to the state Constitution to permit the unification of the 220 Superior and Municipal courts into 58 trial courts -- one in each county. Unification has allowed greater flexibility in the use of judicial and staff resources, eliminated duplicative services and led to the creation of additional services for the public, such as collaborative justice courts, domestic violence courts, drug courts and complex litigation courts. Finally, the Trial Court Facilities Act of 2002 called for the transfer of responsibility for court facilities from the counties to the state. This allowed the judicial branch for the first time to assume responsibility for the buildings in which judges and court staff work and the public is served, and to do so economically and effectively. To date, 503 (more than 90%) of our court structures have been transferred to the state's ownership under judicial branch management.
These historic changes and the growing responsibilities of the council have been a means to an end. They have strengthened the judiciary as a coequal and independent branch of government and secured the system of checks and balances essential to a robust democracy. They have addressed budget inequities among trial courts around the state. They have improved our branch's accountability to our sister branches of government for the financial appropriations provided to the courts. And ultimately they have enhanced equal access to justice and provided a greater degree of accountability.
One irony of the current crisis is that it restricts court services at a time when the need for them is increasing. The economic downturn has produced a sharp spike in civil filings, especially in the areas of contract and unlawful detainer, which includes evictions. This increase has more than offset a small decline in criminal filings. What this means to judges and court staff is that we are asking them to do more with less. What this means for all Californians is that we must provide adequate resources for courts to resolve disputes in an orderly manner, or suffer the consequences of being unable to meet the public's needs.
When I served as a trial judge in Los Angeles during the 1970s and '80s, California was still in its age of abundance. Today we are in a far more challenging time. The fiscal crisis in our state will have profound effects on many aspects of public service, including the courts, in the next fiscal year and for several years to come. I am committed to protecting the public from the full impact of further reductions in court services, and from any decline in the high quality of justice that so many have worked so long to achieve.
My hope is that as we are tested by this crisis, all of us -- state government officers, justices and judges, court employees and Californians everywhere -- will join together in meeting these challenges. How we proceed will tell us a great deal about the prospects for our state in the years ahead.
Ronald M. George is chief justice of California and chairman of the state Judicial Council.
Copyright © 2009, The Los Angeles Times
Friday, September 11, 2009
Surviving Arsenic Hour - by Dr. Laura Markham
Surviving Arsenic Hour
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
Friday, August 14, 2009
Preparing Your Child for the New School Year
Preparing Your Child for the New School Year
The last weeks of summer are already upon us, and the new school year is right around the corner. Whether you can’t wait till your kids are back in school or dread the more regimented days ahead, there’s one thing you can count on: Back to School is always a big transition.
Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means coping with a new teacher, more academic demands and a changing social circle. Start preparing now to make those first weeks easier for your kids – and yourself! Here’s how:
Make sure your child is familiar with the school. If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year. (“Now that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground, and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.” “Now that you’ll be in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.” “Now that you’ll be in middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself. We’ll need to practice crossing Main Street.” )
But if this is her first year at this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there. Even if there is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by taking a trip to the school. If you can get access to the playground, that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school. If not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the slide or climbing structure.
If the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out. If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot. You may not get much further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like, and introduce her to the front office staff. Either way, the more your child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.
2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities. Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come to school for an orientation session before school begins. If the school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school starts. Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that helps her students settle into the school year.
3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher. All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in the classroom. Until they do, they are not ready to learn. Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students emotionally at the start of the school year. Obviously, if you can arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do so. But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows even a teacher he’s never met.
Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms. (“When you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads stories to the kids, she might read your favorite book if we bring it to school.”) If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly (“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”) If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her.
Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day, and to pick out a shiny red apple for her. Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your child will feel a fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably. Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with her.
If you notice in the first week of school that your child doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to immediately contact her. Just explain that your child was excited before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet. You’re hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him so he connects with her and feels at home. Virtually all teachers understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during that first week if you make a nice request. My own daughter cried every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to school in the morning.
4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the other kids, they’ll feel more at ease. If you’re new in town, make a special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood. Often schools are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts. Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease last minute jitters.
5. Practice saying goodbye. If your child is beginning school for the first time and has not had previous daycare or preschool experience, his or her biggest challenge will be saying goodbye to you. Explain that all children go to school to learn, which is a child’s job just like parents work at jobs. Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”
You might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you, such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while you’re apart and give back upon your return. Most kids like to have a picture of the family in their backpacks. Be sure to use the suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to successfully let you go.
6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher. Find out how long you will be able to stay. If you suspect that your child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day. Maybe every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and distract her.
Once you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at school. But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how fun the day will be: “Every morning you will pick a book for me to read to you. When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams together. We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to work. You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and have lunch. Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear what you built in the block corner that day.”
7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school. One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade. Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan & Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.
Get your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art. If you know other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to mention that he will see or play with them. Share your own stories about things you loved about school.
Encourage her questions by asking what she thinks school will be like. Emphasize the things you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every conversation with “and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.
8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you, be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like a big kid. Explain that every day after school you will have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack together.
9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts. Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months. But kids need 9 1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age. (Teens need a minimum of 9.5; toddlers usually do best with 11). Getting them back on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm to be up at 7am for school takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.
Imposing an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in that morning and with the night-before-school jitters. In that situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate. So keep an eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also good for their reading skills.
10. Wake up your child’s brain. You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math problems. On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot during the summer. If your child has been reading through the summer months, congratulations! If not, this is the time to start. Visit the library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy. Introduce the idea that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour every day.
And if your child has assignments to complete, don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was supposed to write a book report. Get summer work out of the way at least a week before school starts so he can relax for the rest of vacation!
11. Let your child choose his own school supplies, whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.
12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day to give your child a comfortable mental movie:
“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class. We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her. She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower. Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go. There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class. You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids. And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”
Be alert for signs that your child is worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new classroom soon.
13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school so you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute crises. Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and a healthy breakfast. Plan to arrive at school early so you have time for meaningful goodbyes. And don’t forget that “first day of school” photo before you leave home!
14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her at the end of the day. Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and then hand her off to her teacher. Don’t leave her adrift without a new attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry. Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long. If your child continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the teacher. Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.
15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school. Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may panic him altogether. If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t worry. You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all day and be a big boy. Your return signals that it’s safe to be his babyself again, take it as a compliment.
This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts. Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums. Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.
Copyright © 2009, Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved.
www.ChildSharing.com - Online Co Parenting Classes
The last weeks of summer are already upon us, and the new school year is right around the corner. Whether you can’t wait till your kids are back in school or dread the more regimented days ahead, there’s one thing you can count on: Back to School is always a big transition.
Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means coping with a new teacher, more academic demands and a changing social circle. Start preparing now to make those first weeks easier for your kids – and yourself! Here’s how:
Make sure your child is familiar with the school. If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year. (“Now that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground, and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.” “Now that you’ll be in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.” “Now that you’ll be in middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself. We’ll need to practice crossing Main Street.” )
But if this is her first year at this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there. Even if there is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by taking a trip to the school. If you can get access to the playground, that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school. If not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the slide or climbing structure.
If the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out. If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot. You may not get much further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like, and introduce her to the front office staff. Either way, the more your child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.
2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities. Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come to school for an orientation session before school begins. If the school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school starts. Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that helps her students settle into the school year.
3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher. All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in the classroom. Until they do, they are not ready to learn. Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students emotionally at the start of the school year. Obviously, if you can arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do so. But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows even a teacher he’s never met.
Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms. (“When you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads stories to the kids, she might read your favorite book if we bring it to school.”) If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly (“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”) If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her.
Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day, and to pick out a shiny red apple for her. Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your child will feel a fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably. Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with her.
If you notice in the first week of school that your child doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to immediately contact her. Just explain that your child was excited before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet. You’re hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him so he connects with her and feels at home. Virtually all teachers understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during that first week if you make a nice request. My own daughter cried every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to school in the morning.
4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the other kids, they’ll feel more at ease. If you’re new in town, make a special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood. Often schools are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts. Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease last minute jitters.
5. Practice saying goodbye. If your child is beginning school for the first time and has not had previous daycare or preschool experience, his or her biggest challenge will be saying goodbye to you. Explain that all children go to school to learn, which is a child’s job just like parents work at jobs. Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”
You might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you, such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while you’re apart and give back upon your return. Most kids like to have a picture of the family in their backpacks. Be sure to use the suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to successfully let you go.
6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher. Find out how long you will be able to stay. If you suspect that your child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day. Maybe every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and distract her.
Once you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at school. But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how fun the day will be: “Every morning you will pick a book for me to read to you. When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams together. We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to work. You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and have lunch. Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear what you built in the block corner that day.”
7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school. One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade. Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan & Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.
Get your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art. If you know other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to mention that he will see or play with them. Share your own stories about things you loved about school.
Encourage her questions by asking what she thinks school will be like. Emphasize the things you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every conversation with “and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.
8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you, be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like a big kid. Explain that every day after school you will have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack together.
9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts. Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months. But kids need 9 1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age. (Teens need a minimum of 9.5; toddlers usually do best with 11). Getting them back on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm to be up at 7am for school takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.
Imposing an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in that morning and with the night-before-school jitters. In that situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate. So keep an eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also good for their reading skills.
10. Wake up your child’s brain. You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math problems. On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot during the summer. If your child has been reading through the summer months, congratulations! If not, this is the time to start. Visit the library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy. Introduce the idea that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour every day.
And if your child has assignments to complete, don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was supposed to write a book report. Get summer work out of the way at least a week before school starts so he can relax for the rest of vacation!
11. Let your child choose his own school supplies, whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.
12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day to give your child a comfortable mental movie:
“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class. We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her. She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower. Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go. There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class. You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids. And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”
Be alert for signs that your child is worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new classroom soon.
13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school so you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute crises. Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and a healthy breakfast. Plan to arrive at school early so you have time for meaningful goodbyes. And don’t forget that “first day of school” photo before you leave home!
14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her at the end of the day. Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and then hand her off to her teacher. Don’t leave her adrift without a new attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry. Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long. If your child continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the teacher. Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.
15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school. Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may panic him altogether. If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t worry. You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all day and be a big boy. Your return signals that it’s safe to be his babyself again, take it as a compliment.
This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts. Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums. Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.
Copyright © 2009, Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved.
www.ChildSharing.com - Online Co Parenting Classes
Monday, August 3, 2009
California Family Law Blog
I found this and it has some interesting and relevant information: http://www.californiafamilylawblog.com/
Posted On: July 1, 2009 by Scott Sagaria
San Jose Divorce Attorney Discusses How the Recession Changes Face of Divorce in California
San Jose Divorce Attorney Discusses How the Recession Changes Face of Divorce in California
As the economic downturn continues to damage housing values, force job losses and cuts in services, one thing that has not changed is that couples are still divorcing, child support is still being sought, and property is still being divided. What has changed is how those divorces are proceeding, in terms of financial awards and assets.
One of the largest assets in any divorce is typically the house. That asset used to have, particularly in California, equity which could be used to either buy the other party out or sold and divided equally between the parties. Frequently, we are now seeing that the houses not only have no equity, but that the parties owe substantially more than the house is worth, and often, the parties are behind on payments, or will be when the two-income household is no longer in existence. This poses a dilemma for family courts, parties and attorneys – how do we get divide a negative asset? Every couple has to decide for themselves, but options include a short sale, returning the property to the bank, or allowing the party who can make the mortgage to assume responsibility for the property.
Other issues being affected by the recession include child and spousal support. As one or both party loses their jobs, the need for support increases, but often the income that maintained the standard of living during marriage is no longer available to the parties. This lack of income can force families to make hard decisions about where to live, where to send children to school, and how to get buy on substantially less income.
The recession has also pummeled many people’s retirements, leaving many spouses wondering what happened to the financial nest egg. Fortunately, many 401(k) type accounts can be divided in kind, so that as the financial markets change and begin to recover, so too will the 401(k).
Here at Sagaria Law, we offer a full range of family law and legal services including divorce, paternity, adoption, child custody and visitation matters, child support, spousal support, alimony, juvenile dependency, domestic violence, division of property, grandparent visitation and custody, etc. We have seven Northern California locations including San Jose, San Francisco, Redwood City, Fremont, Salinas, Roseville and Sacramento. We offer a free thirty minute consultation, either in person at any of our offices, or over the phone. Call our offices today and we can connect you with an attorney immediately or we can schedule your free consultation with one of our family law attorneys: (408) 279-2288 or (800) 941-6730 or visit www.sagarialaw.com
www.ChildSharing.com
Posted On: July 1, 2009 by Scott Sagaria
San Jose Divorce Attorney Discusses How the Recession Changes Face of Divorce in California
San Jose Divorce Attorney Discusses How the Recession Changes Face of Divorce in California
As the economic downturn continues to damage housing values, force job losses and cuts in services, one thing that has not changed is that couples are still divorcing, child support is still being sought, and property is still being divided. What has changed is how those divorces are proceeding, in terms of financial awards and assets.
One of the largest assets in any divorce is typically the house. That asset used to have, particularly in California, equity which could be used to either buy the other party out or sold and divided equally between the parties. Frequently, we are now seeing that the houses not only have no equity, but that the parties owe substantially more than the house is worth, and often, the parties are behind on payments, or will be when the two-income household is no longer in existence. This poses a dilemma for family courts, parties and attorneys – how do we get divide a negative asset? Every couple has to decide for themselves, but options include a short sale, returning the property to the bank, or allowing the party who can make the mortgage to assume responsibility for the property.
Other issues being affected by the recession include child and spousal support. As one or both party loses their jobs, the need for support increases, but often the income that maintained the standard of living during marriage is no longer available to the parties. This lack of income can force families to make hard decisions about where to live, where to send children to school, and how to get buy on substantially less income.
The recession has also pummeled many people’s retirements, leaving many spouses wondering what happened to the financial nest egg. Fortunately, many 401(k) type accounts can be divided in kind, so that as the financial markets change and begin to recover, so too will the 401(k).
Here at Sagaria Law, we offer a full range of family law and legal services including divorce, paternity, adoption, child custody and visitation matters, child support, spousal support, alimony, juvenile dependency, domestic violence, division of property, grandparent visitation and custody, etc. We have seven Northern California locations including San Jose, San Francisco, Redwood City, Fremont, Salinas, Roseville and Sacramento. We offer a free thirty minute consultation, either in person at any of our offices, or over the phone. Call our offices today and we can connect you with an attorney immediately or we can schedule your free consultation with one of our family law attorneys: (408) 279-2288 or (800) 941-6730 or visit www.sagarialaw.com
www.ChildSharing.com
Friday, July 3, 2009
Jon and Kate plus Eight: Out of the marriage and into the bird nest?
By: Mike Mastracci
The world looks on as Jon and Kate travel down the path to divorce. Those eight angels deserve stability along with the right and expectations to have two parents raise them. Both Jon and Kate Glosselin have indicated that they plan to take turns leaving the family home, a practice known in the divorce circles as “bird nesting” or simply “nesting.” This shared parenting practice has only recently started to gain broad acceptance, but with Jon and Kate in the lime-light it will likely emerge as a viable alternative to many tradition “visitation” arrangements.
The “research” is all over the map as to what is in the “best interests” of children caught in the middle of separation and divorce. Research clearly demonstrates that how a couple divorces is more telling than the divorce itself. It is always in the children’s best interests to have parents who can put their anger, bitterness and selfishness aside and demonstrate by their words and actions that they love their children more than they may dislike their ex. Nesting provides such an opportunity. Generally speaking, the best schedule to follow is whatever works best for the kids and not necessarily what is most convenient for mom or dad.
For the very wealthy, as well as for the economically challenged, nesting can work well for everyone. The children did not ask for the divorce so why should they have to change houses, make new friends, lose old friends, change schools and go back and forth like a family Frisbee? When the family has money, each parent can have a new “freedom pad” for their own single life when they do not have the kids. When that parent does not have them, the other one will be back at the former marital home, “the nest,” with the children and exercising their parenting time. For the economically challenged, their “freedom pad” might be back to mom’s basement or on a trusted friend’s couch for a few days a week.
For the Glosselin family it would be nearly impossible to design a more traditional child access schedule such as every other weekend and a night or two during the week for the non-custodial parent. For anyone who has watched the show, the potential difficulties are all too obvious and such chaos would not likely be in anyone’s best interests. For varied reasons, some people don’t care for Jon, and for others, Kate is no great catch. But, give credit where credit is due.
Jon and Kate claim that they bought their dream house for the kids. It looks like they meant it.
Mike Mastracci is a nationally recognized family law attorney and is the author of the newly released and highly praised book, Stop Fighting Over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations. He maintains a very popular family law Blog: www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com For more information visit www.StopFightingOverTheKids.com
Posted by: ChildSharing.com
The world looks on as Jon and Kate travel down the path to divorce. Those eight angels deserve stability along with the right and expectations to have two parents raise them. Both Jon and Kate Glosselin have indicated that they plan to take turns leaving the family home, a practice known in the divorce circles as “bird nesting” or simply “nesting.” This shared parenting practice has only recently started to gain broad acceptance, but with Jon and Kate in the lime-light it will likely emerge as a viable alternative to many tradition “visitation” arrangements.
The “research” is all over the map as to what is in the “best interests” of children caught in the middle of separation and divorce. Research clearly demonstrates that how a couple divorces is more telling than the divorce itself. It is always in the children’s best interests to have parents who can put their anger, bitterness and selfishness aside and demonstrate by their words and actions that they love their children more than they may dislike their ex. Nesting provides such an opportunity. Generally speaking, the best schedule to follow is whatever works best for the kids and not necessarily what is most convenient for mom or dad.
For the very wealthy, as well as for the economically challenged, nesting can work well for everyone. The children did not ask for the divorce so why should they have to change houses, make new friends, lose old friends, change schools and go back and forth like a family Frisbee? When the family has money, each parent can have a new “freedom pad” for their own single life when they do not have the kids. When that parent does not have them, the other one will be back at the former marital home, “the nest,” with the children and exercising their parenting time. For the economically challenged, their “freedom pad” might be back to mom’s basement or on a trusted friend’s couch for a few days a week.
For the Glosselin family it would be nearly impossible to design a more traditional child access schedule such as every other weekend and a night or two during the week for the non-custodial parent. For anyone who has watched the show, the potential difficulties are all too obvious and such chaos would not likely be in anyone’s best interests. For varied reasons, some people don’t care for Jon, and for others, Kate is no great catch. But, give credit where credit is due.
Jon and Kate claim that they bought their dream house for the kids. It looks like they meant it.
Mike Mastracci is a nationally recognized family law attorney and is the author of the newly released and highly praised book, Stop Fighting Over the Kids: Resolving Day-to-Day Custody Conflict in Divorce Situations. He maintains a very popular family law Blog: www.DivorceWithoutDishonor.com For more information visit www.StopFightingOverTheKids.com
Posted by: ChildSharing.com
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
ChildSharing, Inc Provides $10 Off Classes for Parents During National Child-Centered Divorce
The third annual recognition of National Child-Centered Divorce Month is being launched with complimentary gifts for parents throughout the month of July.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PRLog (Press Release) – Jul 01, 2009 – Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. “These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce.”
To help spread the word throughout North America, ChildSharing, Inc. ,along with a group of other leading divorce experts, will be providing free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.
As a participant, ChildSharing, Inc. will be offering a $10 discount during the month of July, to individuals in an effort to better educate divorcing/separating parents who have been court ordered to attend a parenting program
Julie Johnson, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Vice President, says “We are happy to be supporting National Child Centered Divorce Month in an effort to bring about more awareness of the children and their specific needs. Cost-effective educational programs to aid parents in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and residents new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
“I am thrilled to have an award winning website such as ChildSharing.com participating with us during National Child-Centered Divorce Month,” adds Sedacca. “This website and resource is a welcome addition to our outstanding team of participants.”
Parents can access all the divorce and parenting-related gifts by visiting http://www.ChildSharing.com/ChildCenteredDivorceMonth where they can click on descriptions of each item as well as background information about each expert.
To learn more about the free teleseminar series and other activities connected with National Child-Centered Divorce Month visit: www.childcentereddivorce.com or www.childsharing.com/ChildCenteredDivorceMonth. Media are invited to contact Sedacca directly at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Julie Johnson in the development planning office at: 949-275-3127 or Julie@ChildSharing.com.
# # #
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PRLog (Press Release) – Jul 01, 2009 – Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. “These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce.”
To help spread the word throughout North America, ChildSharing, Inc. ,along with a group of other leading divorce experts, will be providing free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.
As a participant, ChildSharing, Inc. will be offering a $10 discount during the month of July, to individuals in an effort to better educate divorcing/separating parents who have been court ordered to attend a parenting program
Julie Johnson, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Vice President, says “We are happy to be supporting National Child Centered Divorce Month in an effort to bring about more awareness of the children and their specific needs. Cost-effective educational programs to aid parents in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and residents new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
“I am thrilled to have an award winning website such as ChildSharing.com participating with us during National Child-Centered Divorce Month,” adds Sedacca. “This website and resource is a welcome addition to our outstanding team of participants.”
Parents can access all the divorce and parenting-related gifts by visiting http://www.ChildSharing.com/ChildCenteredDivorceMonth where they can click on descriptions of each item as well as background information about each expert.
To learn more about the free teleseminar series and other activities connected with National Child-Centered Divorce Month visit: www.childcentereddivorce.com or www.childsharing.com/ChildCenteredDivorceMonth. Media are invited to contact Sedacca directly at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Julie Johnson in the development planning office at: 949-275-3127 or Julie@ChildSharing.com.
# # #
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
National Child-Centered Divorce Month
West Palm Beach, FL: The third annual National Child-Centered Divorce Month, taking place throughout July, will be launched with a series of complimentary teleseminars and bonus gifts for parents.
Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, a certified corporate trainer recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. "These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce"
To help spread the word throughout North America a series of free teleseminars are being offered for parents, educators and others who care about these issues. "Leading professionals within the "peaceful divorce" community will be presenting vital information parents can immediately put to use as they transition through and beyond divorce," says Sedacca, who is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network.
The schedule of teleseminar topics and dates will be announced shortly.
On July 1st, the website, www.childsharing.com will be providing a link to free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.
Professionals who share Sedacca's concerns, including therapists, attorneys, mediators, financial planners, coaches, educators, clergy and others, will be providing articles, interviews, seminars, coaching sessions and other events geared toward helping parents create a peaceful and successful Child-Centered Divorce in the months and years following divorce. Their message: Regardless of your own emotional state, think first about your children's emotional and psychological needs when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
"While our divorce legal system needs considerable reform, it is also essential for us to bring a heightened awareness to parents about their responsibility to their children's well-being before, during and after divorce," says Sedacca, who is the author of the professionally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
"Parenting is a life-long process, even when you get a divorce," she adds. "We need to provide better resources and teach better coping skills to parents so they can understand the short- and long-term effects of divorce upon their children"
Parents, the media and divorce professionals interested in learning more about activities related to National Child-Centered Divorce Month can learn more at: www.childcentereddivorce.com, www.childsharing.com and www.childcentereddivorce.blogspot.com. Media are invited to contact Sedacca directly at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Rosalind Sedacca
Pressident
Child-Centered Divorce Network
Boynton Beach, FL
561-742-3537
561 742-3537
www.ChildSharing.com
Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, a certified corporate trainer recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. "These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce"
To help spread the word throughout North America a series of free teleseminars are being offered for parents, educators and others who care about these issues. "Leading professionals within the "peaceful divorce" community will be presenting vital information parents can immediately put to use as they transition through and beyond divorce," says Sedacca, who is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network.
The schedule of teleseminar topics and dates will be announced shortly.
On July 1st, the website, www.childsharing.com will be providing a link to free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.
Professionals who share Sedacca's concerns, including therapists, attorneys, mediators, financial planners, coaches, educators, clergy and others, will be providing articles, interviews, seminars, coaching sessions and other events geared toward helping parents create a peaceful and successful Child-Centered Divorce in the months and years following divorce. Their message: Regardless of your own emotional state, think first about your children's emotional and psychological needs when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
"While our divorce legal system needs considerable reform, it is also essential for us to bring a heightened awareness to parents about their responsibility to their children's well-being before, during and after divorce," says Sedacca, who is the author of the professionally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
"Parenting is a life-long process, even when you get a divorce," she adds. "We need to provide better resources and teach better coping skills to parents so they can understand the short- and long-term effects of divorce upon their children"
Parents, the media and divorce professionals interested in learning more about activities related to National Child-Centered Divorce Month can learn more at: www.childcentereddivorce.com, www.childsharing.com and www.childcentereddivorce.blogspot.com. Media are invited to contact Sedacca directly at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Rosalind Sedacca
Pressident
Child-Centered Divorce Network
Boynton Beach, FL
561-742-3537
561 742-3537
www.ChildSharing.com
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Divorce Poll Results for Boomers Shows Need for Coping & Communication Skills
A first-of-its-kind national poll to determine if a consensus exists about how divorced baby boomers are holding up was conducted by the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and the Baby Boomer [Knowledge Center].
Participants in the poll were asked three fundamental questions about the divorce process, their relationship with their "former" spouse and the affects of divorce on the dynamics of the family.
1. What was the most challenging part of getting a divorce: custody of the children, dividing the assets or finances?
2. What life skills would have been helpful when going through your divorce: stress management, coping skills and/or communication skills?
3. What is your relationship now with your former spouse: amicable, have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children or can't be in the same room together and do not speak to each other?
Results:
Of the people participating in the poll, it was not surprising to learn a majority (41%) report that dealing with finances was the most challenging part of getting divorced. Second most challenging was dividing the assets (19%). A surprise was that custody of the children received the lowest percentage (13%).
The majority of the participants (41%) report that coping skills would have been most helpful during their divorce. Stress management was 28% with communication skills a close third at 26%. This clearly indicates the emotional toll divorce plays in most people’s lives.
Although the results show that 55% of the participants reported having an amicable relationship with their former spouse after their divorce, the comments did not coincide with that high percentage (see respondent testimonials below). Participants reported:
• 15% cannot be in the same room with their former spouse and do not speak to each other
• Only 4% have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children.
• "Other" came in at a high 19%.
While finances were said to be the most challenging part of getting a divorce, the comments revealed more about the sadness and embarrassment of divorce. These included: "tearing apart the family," "becoming a single mom," "telling my friends I was divorced," "realizing that I had failed," "learning to be on my own” and “not growing old with my husband."
While the majority of respondents stated they had amicable relationships with their former spouse, many of the comments were far more negative, such as: "no relationship as we hardly speak," "nonexistent," "never see or speak to him," "only e-mail," "no contact," "over--not part of my future," and "not involved in each other's lives at all."
A total of 1,876 people responded. All responses were anonymous.
The www.NADWC.org is a 24/7 on-line Resource Center to support, encourage and inspire women going through a life-changing experience such as divorce who want to rejuvenate their own lives and the lives of their children.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, is one of the expert advisors for the organization.
So what does this poll mean for those who provide services to divorcing couples? How can we help ease the emotional turmoil especially when children are involved? These are some of the questions we hope to discuss through interviews and the free teleseminar series taking place during National Child-Centered Divorce Month in July.
We encourage media contact, questions and exploration of new alternatives available especially for parents as they move through the divorce maze.
To learn more about National Child-Centered Divorce Month contact Rosalind Sedacca at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com or visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Posted: www.ChildSharing.com
Participants in the poll were asked three fundamental questions about the divorce process, their relationship with their "former" spouse and the affects of divorce on the dynamics of the family.
1. What was the most challenging part of getting a divorce: custody of the children, dividing the assets or finances?
2. What life skills would have been helpful when going through your divorce: stress management, coping skills and/or communication skills?
3. What is your relationship now with your former spouse: amicable, have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children or can't be in the same room together and do not speak to each other?
Results:
Of the people participating in the poll, it was not surprising to learn a majority (41%) report that dealing with finances was the most challenging part of getting divorced. Second most challenging was dividing the assets (19%). A surprise was that custody of the children received the lowest percentage (13%).
The majority of the participants (41%) report that coping skills would have been most helpful during their divorce. Stress management was 28% with communication skills a close third at 26%. This clearly indicates the emotional toll divorce plays in most people’s lives.
Although the results show that 55% of the participants reported having an amicable relationship with their former spouse after their divorce, the comments did not coincide with that high percentage (see respondent testimonials below). Participants reported:
• 15% cannot be in the same room with their former spouse and do not speak to each other
• Only 4% have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children.
• "Other" came in at a high 19%.
While finances were said to be the most challenging part of getting a divorce, the comments revealed more about the sadness and embarrassment of divorce. These included: "tearing apart the family," "becoming a single mom," "telling my friends I was divorced," "realizing that I had failed," "learning to be on my own” and “not growing old with my husband."
While the majority of respondents stated they had amicable relationships with their former spouse, many of the comments were far more negative, such as: "no relationship as we hardly speak," "nonexistent," "never see or speak to him," "only e-mail," "no contact," "over--not part of my future," and "not involved in each other's lives at all."
A total of 1,876 people responded. All responses were anonymous.
The www.NADWC.org is a 24/7 on-line Resource Center to support, encourage and inspire women going through a life-changing experience such as divorce who want to rejuvenate their own lives and the lives of their children.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, is one of the expert advisors for the organization.
So what does this poll mean for those who provide services to divorcing couples? How can we help ease the emotional turmoil especially when children are involved? These are some of the questions we hope to discuss through interviews and the free teleseminar series taking place during National Child-Centered Divorce Month in July.
We encourage media contact, questions and exploration of new alternatives available especially for parents as they move through the divorce maze.
To learn more about National Child-Centered Divorce Month contact Rosalind Sedacca at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com or visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Posted: www.ChildSharing.com
Natl Child-Centered Divorce Month
launched with free teleseminars and gifts for parents!
West Palm Beach, FL: The third annual National Child-Centered Divorce Month, taking place throughout July, will be launched with a series of complimentary teleseminars and bonus gifts for parents.
Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, a certified corporate trainer recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. “These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce.”
To help spread the word throughout North America a series of free teleseminars are being offered for parents, educators and others who care about these issues. “Leading professionals within the “peaceful divorce” community will be presenting vital information parents can immediately put to use as they transition through and beyond divorce,” says Sedacca, who is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network.
The schedule of teleseminar topics and dates will be announced shortly.
On July 1st, the website, www.childsharing.com will be providing a link to free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.
Professionals who share Sedacca’s concerns, including therapists, attorneys, mediators, financial planners, coaches, educators, clergy and others, will be providing articles, interviews, seminars, coaching sessions and other events geared toward helping parents create a peaceful and successful Child-Centered Divorce in the months and years following divorce. Their message: Regardless of your own emotional state, think first about your children's emotional and psychological needs when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
“While our divorce legal system needs considerable reform, it is also essential for us to bring a heightened awareness to parents about their responsibility to their children’s well-being before, during and after divorce,” says Sedacca, who is the author of the professionally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
“Parenting is a life-long process, even when you get a divorce,” she adds. “We need to provide better resources and teach better coping skills to parents so they can understand the short- and long-term effects of divorce upon their children.”
Parents, the media and divorce professionals interested in learning more about activities related to National Child-Centered Divorce Month can learn more at: www.childcentereddivorce.com, www.childsharing.com and www.childcentereddivorce.blogspot.com. Media are invited to contact Sedacca directly at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Posted: www.ChildSharing.com
West Palm Beach, FL: The third annual National Child-Centered Divorce Month, taking place throughout July, will be launched with a series of complimentary teleseminars and bonus gifts for parents.
Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, a certified corporate trainer recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. “These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce.”
To help spread the word throughout North America a series of free teleseminars are being offered for parents, educators and others who care about these issues. “Leading professionals within the “peaceful divorce” community will be presenting vital information parents can immediately put to use as they transition through and beyond divorce,” says Sedacca, who is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network.
The schedule of teleseminar topics and dates will be announced shortly.
On July 1st, the website, www.childsharing.com will be providing a link to free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.
Professionals who share Sedacca’s concerns, including therapists, attorneys, mediators, financial planners, coaches, educators, clergy and others, will be providing articles, interviews, seminars, coaching sessions and other events geared toward helping parents create a peaceful and successful Child-Centered Divorce in the months and years following divorce. Their message: Regardless of your own emotional state, think first about your children's emotional and psychological needs when making decisions related to divorce or separation.
“While our divorce legal system needs considerable reform, it is also essential for us to bring a heightened awareness to parents about their responsibility to their children’s well-being before, during and after divorce,” says Sedacca, who is the author of the professionally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
“Parenting is a life-long process, even when you get a divorce,” she adds. “We need to provide better resources and teach better coping skills to parents so they can understand the short- and long-term effects of divorce upon their children.”
Parents, the media and divorce professionals interested in learning more about activities related to National Child-Centered Divorce Month can learn more at: www.childcentereddivorce.com, www.childsharing.com and www.childcentereddivorce.blogspot.com. Media are invited to contact Sedacca directly at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.
Posted: www.ChildSharing.com
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Divorces cause children to turn to alcohol
Taken From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5552846/Divorces-cause-children-to-turn-to-alcohol.html
A quarter of children whose parents divorce before they reach 18 turn to alcohol, a survey shows.
Published: 7:00AM BST 17 Jun 2009
Children whose parents go through an acrimonious separation or divorce are being failed by the law, with one in 10 turning to crime and 8 per cent considering suicide, the study suggested.
Couples who use youngsters as "emotional footballs" during custody battles can leave children so traumatised that a third seek solace in drugs or alcohol, according to a poll of 2,000 people.
The study of individuals who had experienced a divorce as a child in the last 20 years was commissioned by law firm Mishcon de Reya to mark the 20th anniversary of the Children Act.
The survey also revealed that 42 per cent of children witnessed aggressive rows between their parents, with almost half (49%) forced to comfort an upset mother or father.
Just under a quarter (24 per) admit they were forced by one parent to lie to the other and a further 15 per centwere asked to spy on a parent.
With Legal Aid funding for parents to litigate over child related issues in divorce or separation costing the nation £151 million a year, according to the latest figures from the Legal Services Commission, leading lawyers are calling for the Government to act by helping separating couples avoid costly and potentially damaging court battles through measures such as mediation and parenting classes.
Family lawyer Sandra Davis, from Mishcon de Reya, said: "This research demonstrates that the legal process is not working because parents continue to use their children as emotional footballs.
"Not only are warring mothers and fathers damaging their children, they are costing the taxpayer millions which could be spent so much more constructively.
"We need to take parents out of the legal arena and do more to encourage them to make use of parenting classes. It is proven that classes where children are involved can settle disputes much more quickly and with less acrimony."
She said the study showed the court process "undermines the good intentions of the legislation which was intended to put children first".
Half of those surveyed believe more should be done to put the feelings of children first during divorce and 37 per cent said they had no idea where to turn for support.
Mishcon de Reya hopes to work with a charity to support children with online support and a downloadable Separation Manifesto which youngsters could get their parents to sign up to.
"It could help make parents act more responsibly but it is a drop in the ocean of what is needed," said Ms Davis. "It's time the Government reassessed a failing process and looked to find solutions to protect kids caught in the middle."
Maureen Nuttall, strategy development manager at Action for Children, said: "Divorce can be a difficult time for families and children can often be left isolated if they do not get appropriate understanding and guidance.
"These findings highlight the need for targeted support for both parents and children at what can be a complicated and confusing time.
"The emotional wellbeing of children must be a priority for parents, the legal profession and support services to ensure the impact of divorce is kept to a minimum."
:: Research was carried out online between March 13 and 19 by OnePoll among a representative sample of 2,000 individuals who had experienced a divorce as a child in the past 20 years.
ChildSharing: www.ChildSharing.com
A quarter of children whose parents divorce before they reach 18 turn to alcohol, a survey shows.
Published: 7:00AM BST 17 Jun 2009
Children whose parents go through an acrimonious separation or divorce are being failed by the law, with one in 10 turning to crime and 8 per cent considering suicide, the study suggested.
Couples who use youngsters as "emotional footballs" during custody battles can leave children so traumatised that a third seek solace in drugs or alcohol, according to a poll of 2,000 people.
The study of individuals who had experienced a divorce as a child in the last 20 years was commissioned by law firm Mishcon de Reya to mark the 20th anniversary of the Children Act.
The survey also revealed that 42 per cent of children witnessed aggressive rows between their parents, with almost half (49%) forced to comfort an upset mother or father.
Just under a quarter (24 per) admit they were forced by one parent to lie to the other and a further 15 per centwere asked to spy on a parent.
With Legal Aid funding for parents to litigate over child related issues in divorce or separation costing the nation £151 million a year, according to the latest figures from the Legal Services Commission, leading lawyers are calling for the Government to act by helping separating couples avoid costly and potentially damaging court battles through measures such as mediation and parenting classes.
Family lawyer Sandra Davis, from Mishcon de Reya, said: "This research demonstrates that the legal process is not working because parents continue to use their children as emotional footballs.
"Not only are warring mothers and fathers damaging their children, they are costing the taxpayer millions which could be spent so much more constructively.
"We need to take parents out of the legal arena and do more to encourage them to make use of parenting classes. It is proven that classes where children are involved can settle disputes much more quickly and with less acrimony."
She said the study showed the court process "undermines the good intentions of the legislation which was intended to put children first".
Half of those surveyed believe more should be done to put the feelings of children first during divorce and 37 per cent said they had no idea where to turn for support.
Mishcon de Reya hopes to work with a charity to support children with online support and a downloadable Separation Manifesto which youngsters could get their parents to sign up to.
"It could help make parents act more responsibly but it is a drop in the ocean of what is needed," said Ms Davis. "It's time the Government reassessed a failing process and looked to find solutions to protect kids caught in the middle."
Maureen Nuttall, strategy development manager at Action for Children, said: "Divorce can be a difficult time for families and children can often be left isolated if they do not get appropriate understanding and guidance.
"These findings highlight the need for targeted support for both parents and children at what can be a complicated and confusing time.
"The emotional wellbeing of children must be a priority for parents, the legal profession and support services to ensure the impact of divorce is kept to a minimum."
:: Research was carried out online between March 13 and 19 by OnePoll among a representative sample of 2,000 individuals who had experienced a divorce as a child in the past 20 years.
ChildSharing: www.ChildSharing.com
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
ChildSharing.com Winner 2009 Communicator Interactive Award
CHILDSHARING, INC. EARNS INTERNATIONAL AWARD FOR WEB SITE
Online Classes to Assist Co-Parents Offer An Alternative and Attract a New Audience.
Carson City, NV (May 29, 2009) – ChildSharing, Inc., received two awards in the 15th Annual Communicator Awards; Award of Excellence for Academic Education and Award of Distinction for Family/Parenting. The Award of Excellence, the highest honor, is given to those entries whose ability to communicate puts them among the best in the field. The Award of Distinction is presented for projects that exceed industry standards in quality and achievement.
The 2009 Communicator Awards received over 7,500 entries from across the US and around the world; the Communicator Awards is the largest and most competitive awards program in the category. They are judged by the International Academy of the Visual Arts (IAVA), an organization of communications experts from a variety of disciplines within the visual arts community. They are dedicated to embracing progress and the evolving nature of traditional and interactive media.
ChildSharing.com launched in late 2008 and provides interactive co-parenting classes, family law information as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge and resources they need as they transition through divorce into their new lives.
Julie Johnson, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Vice President, says “We are thrilled with this distinct honor. Recognizing the need for cost-effective online educational programs in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and residents new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
About the Communicator Awards
The Communicator Awards is the leading international creative awards program honoring creative excellence for communication professionals. Founded by communication professionals over a decade ago, The Communicator Awards is an annual competition honoring the best in advertising, corporate communications, public relations and identity work for print, video, interactive and audio. The 2009 Communicator Awards received over 7,500 entries from ad agencies, interactive agencies, production firms, in-house creative professionals, graphic designers, design firms, and public relations firms. For more information about the Communicator Awards, please visit www.communicatorawards.com or www.iavisarts.org for a full member list and more information.
Contact:
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Julie Johnson in the development planning office at: 949-275-3127 or Julie@ChildSharing.com.
# # #
Online Classes to Assist Co-Parents Offer An Alternative and Attract a New Audience.
Carson City, NV (May 29, 2009) – ChildSharing, Inc., received two awards in the 15th Annual Communicator Awards; Award of Excellence for Academic Education and Award of Distinction for Family/Parenting. The Award of Excellence, the highest honor, is given to those entries whose ability to communicate puts them among the best in the field. The Award of Distinction is presented for projects that exceed industry standards in quality and achievement.
The 2009 Communicator Awards received over 7,500 entries from across the US and around the world; the Communicator Awards is the largest and most competitive awards program in the category. They are judged by the International Academy of the Visual Arts (IAVA), an organization of communications experts from a variety of disciplines within the visual arts community. They are dedicated to embracing progress and the evolving nature of traditional and interactive media.
ChildSharing.com launched in late 2008 and provides interactive co-parenting classes, family law information as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge and resources they need as they transition through divorce into their new lives.
Julie Johnson, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Vice President, says “We are thrilled with this distinct honor. Recognizing the need for cost-effective online educational programs in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and residents new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
About the Communicator Awards
The Communicator Awards is the leading international creative awards program honoring creative excellence for communication professionals. Founded by communication professionals over a decade ago, The Communicator Awards is an annual competition honoring the best in advertising, corporate communications, public relations and identity work for print, video, interactive and audio. The 2009 Communicator Awards received over 7,500 entries from ad agencies, interactive agencies, production firms, in-house creative professionals, graphic designers, design firms, and public relations firms. For more information about the Communicator Awards, please visit www.communicatorawards.com or www.iavisarts.org for a full member list and more information.
Contact:
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Julie Johnson in the development planning office at: 949-275-3127 or Julie@ChildSharing.com.
# # #
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Top 10 Ways To Be A Great Dad - Teach, Train and Nourish With Love
Nothing touches the heart more deeply than hearing, "I love you Daddy." I have heard that the gift
of happiness belongs to those who unwrap it. Your children are that gift. Be an active,
participating dad. The years fly by too quickly to do otherwise.
1. Cease "put downs" directed toward the child/children and other people living in the
home.
2. Never compare one sibling to another
3. Give as many hugs as possible, especially at the beginning and end of each day.
4. When disciplining, be calm, clear, firm, fast and fair.
5. Listen to the meaning behind the words your children say. What do they feel?
6. Teach that every behavior has consequences, both good and bad.
7. Encourage strength, positivity, helpfulness, humor and compassion by role modeling.
8. Encourage open communication, humor and actively listen.
9. Make time to say, "I love you."
10. Be there to share quality time with your child/children.
LEN BRASS IS THE AUTHOR OF CHILDREN FIRST: A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR PARENTING THROUGH THE
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL YEARS. LEN IS A SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO, CALIFORNIA RESIDENT, A 26-YEAR SCHOOL
EDUCATOR AS WELL AS A LECTURER, BUSINESS MEDIATOR, AND FATHER OF FIVE.
www.ChildSharing.com: 39.99 Online Co-Parenting Classes
of happiness belongs to those who unwrap it. Your children are that gift. Be an active,
participating dad. The years fly by too quickly to do otherwise.
1. Cease "put downs" directed toward the child/children and other people living in the
home.
2. Never compare one sibling to another
3. Give as many hugs as possible, especially at the beginning and end of each day.
4. When disciplining, be calm, clear, firm, fast and fair.
5. Listen to the meaning behind the words your children say. What do they feel?
6. Teach that every behavior has consequences, both good and bad.
7. Encourage strength, positivity, helpfulness, humor and compassion by role modeling.
8. Encourage open communication, humor and actively listen.
9. Make time to say, "I love you."
10. Be there to share quality time with your child/children.
LEN BRASS IS THE AUTHOR OF CHILDREN FIRST: A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR PARENTING THROUGH THE
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL YEARS. LEN IS A SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO, CALIFORNIA RESIDENT, A 26-YEAR SCHOOL
EDUCATOR AS WELL AS A LECTURER, BUSINESS MEDIATOR, AND FATHER OF FIVE.
www.ChildSharing.com: 39.99 Online Co-Parenting Classes
Sunday, May 17, 2009
High School Students Pitch to Strengthen Marriages and Families
High School Students Pitch to Strengthen Marriages and Families Takes Top Award at 2009 DECA International Competition
The top award at the 2009 annual DECA conference in Anaheim went to an internet business plan for strengthening marriages and families. Nearly 15,000 teenagers representing 185,000 of their peers in over 4,500 chapters across the US, Canada, Germany, Mexico, Guam and Puerto Rico gathered several blocks from Disney Land recently to pitch the next big idea in a fiercely competitive contest for the best internet marketing plan. A three-member team from Cypress Bay High School in Weston, Florida brought home their school's first top international award with a pitch to harness the power of the Internet to teach relationship skills that strengthen marriages and families.
Anaheim, CA (PRWEB) May 15, 2009 -- The top award at this year's annual DECA meeting in Anaheim went to an internet business plan for strengthening marriages and families. Nearly 15,000 teenagers representing over 185,000 of their peers in 5,000 chapters across the US, Canada, Germany, Mexico and Puerto Rico gathered just blocks from Disney Land recently to pitch the next big idea in a fiercely competitive contest for the best internet marketing plan. A three-member team from Cypress Bay High School in Weston, Florida brought home their school's first top international award with a pitch to harness the power of the Internet to teach relationship skills that strengthen marriages and families.
Cypress Bay seniors Stephanie Castano, Ale Azor and junior Michael Eisenberg spent nearly eight months developing their plan to bring relationship skills training classes to the Internet.
"We wanted to create a business plan that would make a difference for people all over the world," Michael Eisenberg, 17, said. "Our research showed that when people learn relationship skills, they have happier, more successful lives. They do better in school, with their friends, at home, and one day with their own families. Our plan is to bring these skills to millions of people through the power of the Internet," Eisenberg said. His hope, he added, is that "stronger, healthier, more loving relationships would lead to fewer divorces and reduce many of the things that are more likely when families break-up, like drug and alcohol addictions, teen pregnancies, dropping out of school, homelessness, and poverty."
Stephanie Castano, 18, said she was sold on a plan for relationship skills classes after attending a PAIRS (PAIRS Online) marriage education program at a local YMCA in Fort Lauderdale. "I saw couples who came to class looking so unhappy and distant. By the end of the class, they were in love again," she said. "I've seen the impact on so many of my friends and peers of their families breaking up," she said. "I realized from the class that many of these marriages that are ending in divorce could be saved through relationship skills training. We thought that if we could bring this concept to the Internet, it would make it possible for everyone, everywhere to benefit."
"When marriages and families are strong," Castano said, "everything goes better."
"It's so hard for students to concentrate at school and do well academically when there's instability, unhappiness, and turmoil at home," she added. "I can't think of many better ways of helping my peers become more successful and happy then helping their parents get it together," she said. "The skills also help kids talk to their parents and have better relationships with their siblings, friends, teachers and others," Castano said. "It's great for any human relationship."
Two of the three team members are themselves children of divorce. One commented that if their parents could have attended a relationship skills class like PAIRS before they broke up, their lives might have been different.
"Helping people learn to communicate, fight fair, express their emotions, and deal with their problems takes skill," Ale Azor, 18, said. "I saw firsthand in the PAIRS classes that these skills are easy to learn if two people are open to learning and want their relationship to succeed," she said. "The idea of bringing this to the Internet," Azor added, "is because some people may be shy about attending a class about relationships, others are so busy they can't get to a class, and many people live in places where classes aren't offered. The Internet makes it possible for anyone to participate."
Azor said she was surprised to learn how inexpensive it is for couples to learn relationship skills. "It's really something anyone can afford, especially over the Internet," Azor said. "And when you compare it to the cost of breaking up, especially the impact on kids, the cost is inconsequential," she added.
Michael Eisenberg said his team spent eight months researching and developing their plan. "We attended PAIRS classes and also went to see some of the competitors," he said. "Then we interviewed participants from the classes and others who did not attend. We realized that with the right marketing plan and the power of the Internet, our idea could really change the world," he said. "We want relationship skills classes to be as normal as drivers education," he added. "Just like you have to learn to drive a car or learn skills to be successful in sports or your career, successful, lasting relationships take learning specific skills too. We want everyone to have these skills."
The trio's business plan got the attention of executives at the PAIRS Foundation early on. Diana Ossa, PAIRS Foundation's National Project Coordinator, said the company has already begun implementing the award winning plan. "From the beginning, we saw these teenagers brought powerful, fresh ideas to the table in a plan that was creative, affordable, and well conceived," Ossa said.
"We began testing their ideas several months ago and have already begun delivering PAIRS classes over the Internet based on their plan," she said. "We've had people from across the United States, Europe, South America, Asia, and as far away as the Middle East participate in online classes in recent months based on the plan these youngsters brought to us," she said.
"The students helped so many people realize that the foundation of everything is relationships," Ossa said. "Reading, writing and arithmetic won't get anyone very far anymore without a foundation of healthy relationships. I hope their plan will help us bring relationship education to many who wouldn't have otherwise benefited," she said. "All around the world," she added, "people's hearts are in the same place. This plan will help us touch many hearts and help many children and their parents have better lives." she said. "We're so proud and happy they won!"
DECA is the Delta Epsilon Chi international association of high school and college students studying marketing, management and entrepreneurship in business, finance, hospitality and marketing sales and service. DECA chapters operate in over 4,500 high schools and 200 colleges across the U.S., Puerto Rico, Guam, Canada, and Germany. Delta Epsilon Chi/DECA
PAIRS Foundation is a 501(c)(3) non-profit established by Drs. Lori and Morris Gordon in 1983 to develop and deliver relationship skills training programs. The organization has over 2,000 facilitators worldwide and serves tens of thousands of teenagers and adults in all stages of relationship. PAIRS Foundation.
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The top award at the 2009 annual DECA conference in Anaheim went to an internet business plan for strengthening marriages and families. Nearly 15,000 teenagers representing 185,000 of their peers in over 4,500 chapters across the US, Canada, Germany, Mexico, Guam and Puerto Rico gathered several blocks from Disney Land recently to pitch the next big idea in a fiercely competitive contest for the best internet marketing plan. A three-member team from Cypress Bay High School in Weston, Florida brought home their school's first top international award with a pitch to harness the power of the Internet to teach relationship skills that strengthen marriages and families.
Anaheim, CA (PRWEB) May 15, 2009 -- The top award at this year's annual DECA meeting in Anaheim went to an internet business plan for strengthening marriages and families. Nearly 15,000 teenagers representing over 185,000 of their peers in 5,000 chapters across the US, Canada, Germany, Mexico and Puerto Rico gathered just blocks from Disney Land recently to pitch the next big idea in a fiercely competitive contest for the best internet marketing plan. A three-member team from Cypress Bay High School in Weston, Florida brought home their school's first top international award with a pitch to harness the power of the Internet to teach relationship skills that strengthen marriages and families.
Cypress Bay seniors Stephanie Castano, Ale Azor and junior Michael Eisenberg spent nearly eight months developing their plan to bring relationship skills training classes to the Internet.
"We wanted to create a business plan that would make a difference for people all over the world," Michael Eisenberg, 17, said. "Our research showed that when people learn relationship skills, they have happier, more successful lives. They do better in school, with their friends, at home, and one day with their own families. Our plan is to bring these skills to millions of people through the power of the Internet," Eisenberg said. His hope, he added, is that "stronger, healthier, more loving relationships would lead to fewer divorces and reduce many of the things that are more likely when families break-up, like drug and alcohol addictions, teen pregnancies, dropping out of school, homelessness, and poverty."
Stephanie Castano, 18, said she was sold on a plan for relationship skills classes after attending a PAIRS (PAIRS Online) marriage education program at a local YMCA in Fort Lauderdale. "I saw couples who came to class looking so unhappy and distant. By the end of the class, they were in love again," she said. "I've seen the impact on so many of my friends and peers of their families breaking up," she said. "I realized from the class that many of these marriages that are ending in divorce could be saved through relationship skills training. We thought that if we could bring this concept to the Internet, it would make it possible for everyone, everywhere to benefit."
"When marriages and families are strong," Castano said, "everything goes better."
"It's so hard for students to concentrate at school and do well academically when there's instability, unhappiness, and turmoil at home," she added. "I can't think of many better ways of helping my peers become more successful and happy then helping their parents get it together," she said. "The skills also help kids talk to their parents and have better relationships with their siblings, friends, teachers and others," Castano said. "It's great for any human relationship."
Two of the three team members are themselves children of divorce. One commented that if their parents could have attended a relationship skills class like PAIRS before they broke up, their lives might have been different.
"Helping people learn to communicate, fight fair, express their emotions, and deal with their problems takes skill," Ale Azor, 18, said. "I saw firsthand in the PAIRS classes that these skills are easy to learn if two people are open to learning and want their relationship to succeed," she said. "The idea of bringing this to the Internet," Azor added, "is because some people may be shy about attending a class about relationships, others are so busy they can't get to a class, and many people live in places where classes aren't offered. The Internet makes it possible for anyone to participate."
Azor said she was surprised to learn how inexpensive it is for couples to learn relationship skills. "It's really something anyone can afford, especially over the Internet," Azor said. "And when you compare it to the cost of breaking up, especially the impact on kids, the cost is inconsequential," she added.
Michael Eisenberg said his team spent eight months researching and developing their plan. "We attended PAIRS classes and also went to see some of the competitors," he said. "Then we interviewed participants from the classes and others who did not attend. We realized that with the right marketing plan and the power of the Internet, our idea could really change the world," he said. "We want relationship skills classes to be as normal as drivers education," he added. "Just like you have to learn to drive a car or learn skills to be successful in sports or your career, successful, lasting relationships take learning specific skills too. We want everyone to have these skills."
The trio's business plan got the attention of executives at the PAIRS Foundation early on. Diana Ossa, PAIRS Foundation's National Project Coordinator, said the company has already begun implementing the award winning plan. "From the beginning, we saw these teenagers brought powerful, fresh ideas to the table in a plan that was creative, affordable, and well conceived," Ossa said.
"We began testing their ideas several months ago and have already begun delivering PAIRS classes over the Internet based on their plan," she said. "We've had people from across the United States, Europe, South America, Asia, and as far away as the Middle East participate in online classes in recent months based on the plan these youngsters brought to us," she said.
"The students helped so many people realize that the foundation of everything is relationships," Ossa said. "Reading, writing and arithmetic won't get anyone very far anymore without a foundation of healthy relationships. I hope their plan will help us bring relationship education to many who wouldn't have otherwise benefited," she said. "All around the world," she added, "people's hearts are in the same place. This plan will help us touch many hearts and help many children and their parents have better lives." she said. "We're so proud and happy they won!"
DECA is the Delta Epsilon Chi international association of high school and college students studying marketing, management and entrepreneurship in business, finance, hospitality and marketing sales and service. DECA chapters operate in over 4,500 high schools and 200 colleges across the U.S., Puerto Rico, Guam, Canada, and Germany. Delta Epsilon Chi/DECA
PAIRS Foundation is a 501(c)(3) non-profit established by Drs. Lori and Morris Gordon in 1983 to develop and deliver relationship skills training programs. The organization has over 2,000 facilitators worldwide and serves tens of thousands of teenagers and adults in all stages of relationship. PAIRS Foundation.
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