Want to wake up jazzed about the day ahead?
By Dr. Laura Markham http://ahaparenting.com/
"Want to feel as playful and vibrant as your children? Want to feel an abundance of energy? Want to experience greater clarity in all you do? Want to wake up jazzed about the day ahead? Imagine taking care of yourself in all the marvelous ways you take care of others. It makes sense that, if you shifted self-care onto the top of your priority list, you would feel more rested, more centered, more present to your loved ones, more joyful..." -- womansfieldguide.com
Yesterday my weekly newsletter included the article "10 Commitments You Can Make to Become a More Inspired Parent -- and a Happier Person!" A number of readers wrote asking me to cover each of these commitments in more detail. Today, we begin with #1:
Commit to taking care of yourself and staying centered so you can be the happy, patient, encouraging parent your child deserves.
Nobody is centered all the time. This commitment is about noticing when you get off balance and finding ways to course-correct. Equally important, it's about creating a healthy foundation so the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (and children!) don't faze you. How? Integrate daily sustainable self-nurturing into your life, to keep your mood happy and resourceful:
* Make a list of things that make you feel joyful, and do at least one thing from your Joy list every single day. It can be as simple as a hot bath or as elaborate as getting a sitter so you can spend the evening out.
* Make a list of things you can do with your kids to shift the mood and energy when things get tough: Put on music and dance? Make popcorn? Spend the afternoon snuggling on the couch with a blanket and a pile of books? Get everyone outside for an hour?
* The minute your mood veers from loving to frazzled, stop. Breathe deep. Remind yourself that everything is better when you stay calm. Hug your children and regroup.
* Start going to bed an hour earlier so you're better rested in the morning.
* Notice the times each day that stress you (bedtime? dinner prep? getting dressed?). Write out a routine for that time of day, post it, and keep refining it until you can enjoy it stress-free.
* Figure out healthful snacks and meals that you actually love eating and can prepare quickly.
* Drop the addictions that are sapping your energy (you know what they are) and substitute other ways to recharge your batteries and indulge yourself. Get help if you need to as you break old habits.
* Slow down your pace so you can enjoy your life. Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Just say no to everything you can that doesn’t bring you joy.
* Forget about having a calm and orderly life. (You have kids, right?) Instead, aspire to remain gracious in the face of the unexpected. Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong.
* Adopt a simple mindfulness practice to stay in balance. It can be as simple as putting post-its reminding you to Breathe on your dashboard, mirror, and fridge.
* Transform those inner negative voices in your head into your inner cheerleader and shower yourself with encouragement.
* Forgive yourself every day for all the ways you aren't perfect, and accept yourself, warts and all. Only parents who can make peace with their own imperfection can fully accept and love their children (who are by definition imperfect.)
* Count your blessings and say thank you for everything good in your life, every single day.
Make sure your child gets the best of you, not what's left of you after life wears you down each day. What’s your plan today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
All Rights Reserved: http://ahaparenting.com/
www.ChildSharing.com
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Monday, January 11, 2010
Monday, December 21, 2009
Holiday Survival Guide
Disrupted schedules, traveling with little ones, the crash and burn from all the excitement -- Holidays can easily be a recipe for tears and tantrums. How can parents manage life during the holidays to maximize the joy and minimize the tears? Here, our top ten tips for creating a season of meaning and wonderful memories for yourself and your kids.
1. Keep to your usual schedule as much as possible. Kids need the security of familiar routines. They’re stressed by unfamiliar events and what feels to them like chaotic unpredictability. Do what you can to keep them on schedule and be patient when they get hyped-up or irritable.
2. Give kids plenty of warning about travel and upcoming events so they feel less pushed around and taken by surprise. At the beginning of the holidays, you might use a calendar to show them what will happen each day. (“Then the day before Christmas we leave for Grandma’s, where you’ll get to play with all the cousins.”) Many kids love to make a little book, where each page represents a new day and they draw a picture of what will be happening. Sit down for a snuggle every morning and describe the day ahead.
3. Plan no more than one event per day. If you’re taking the kids to the Christmas pageant in the afternoon, don’t expect them to sit still for dinner at Grandma’s that night. If you’re visiting your inlaws, don’t plan the morning with the cousins and the afternoon at Aunt Betty’s. Kids need downtime, just to chill out, snuggle, and do whatever relaxes them. If they don’t get it, they can’t really be blamed for melting down when the over-stimulation gets to them.
4. Have age-appropriate expectations and plan accordingly. A four year old can’t be expected to sit quietly while you enjoy dinner at the home of your best friend from high school, for instance. If you’re doing a lot of visiting with adults, be sure the kids have something to occupy them. If they can read, buy them a new book for the occasion, one they can’t wait to get into. If they’re too young to stay absorbed in a book, bring a video tape. Be sure your schedule includes visits to the playground or other opportunities for the kids to get some fresh air and physical activity.
If you’re flying with kids, be sure to arrive early enough that they get to “run” a bit in the airport hallway after sitting still in the car and before sitting still on the plane. Special secret for painless flights: Bring small wrapped “presents” – books, treats, chapstick, puzzles, simple crafts – for each child. Kids can look forward to getting one as soon as they’ve buckled their seat belts, and several more whenever you need a distraction mid-flight. Be sure to bring bottles, sugar-free lollipops or something else to suck on during take-off and landing.
5. Coach your kids about the social behavior you expect. Role play with them in the car before you arrive, or make a game of it before you go. “What do you say when Aunt Susie gives you a present?” “What if you don’t like the present?” “What do you when Uncle Norman wants to hug you hello?” “What if you don’t like the dinner that’s served?” “When you want to leave the table, how do you ask?” “What will you do if the cousins start arguing?”
6. Watch your kids’ food intake in the midst of too many treats and hyped-up schedules. Many tantrums originate from hunger. And all parents recognize the sugar high that sends kids bouncing off walls and then crashing into tears. If necessary, speak with your parents in advance about limiting treats. And carry small protein-rich snacks with you so your child doesn’t have a melt-down while the adults are negotiating where to go to dinner.
7. Give kids the traditions they love, which offer an experience of security and wonder. Focus on traditions that connect your family, such as telling your holiday story around the fire (or a table-full of candles), stringing popcorn for your tree, playing dreidel, or singing holiday songs togethe r. Be sure to include a tradition that gives your child the opportunity to feel good as a giver (buying and wrapping a book to donate, making a present for Grandma).
8. Don’t torture yourself and your kids by dragging them with you when you go shopping. You might be able to create a positive experience for yourself without them, but that’s almost impossible to do with them in tow. Trade off with a friend to watch all the kids while the other shops. (Too stressful to have all those kids underfoot? This is a great opportunity to launch a holiday tradition by watching Miracle on 34th Street!) Or limit yourself to buying online. Better yet, forgo most presents and make cookies with your kids instead for anyone you want to gift.
9. If you go on vacation, be sure it recharges and reconnects your family. Some of us look forward to the kids’ school vacations as a chance to leave town in search of warm weather or winter sports. That can give you plenty of chances for family connection, especially if you forgo organized evenings in favor of family board games. What you want to avoid, of course, is racing around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy trip, and returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get cranky and stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do less, rather than more.
10. The most important tip, as always in parenting, is to manage yourself so you can stay calm. Remember that the holidays are stressful for kids, and your kids depend on you not only to regulate their environment, but also to help them regulate their moods.
If you’re out of balance, you won’t be able to help your kids stay on an even keel. In fact, if you’re anxious about everything you have to get done, your children will almost certainly begin to act out.
Your kids don’t need a magazine-spread holiday. They need you, in a good mood, living the spirit of the season and spreading love and good cheer. Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong, and be sure your own expectations of the season are reasonable. (What makes you think your difficult relative will suddenly be less difficult this year?!) Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Make sure you nurture yourself and stay in balance. The minute your mood veers from loving to frenzied, STOP. Hug your children and regroup. And at New Years, pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on a job well done, not just in December, but all year long.
Dr. Laura Markham copywrite - https://yps1.worldsecuresystems.com/
Happy Holidays from ChildSharing.com
Disrupted schedules, traveling with little ones, the crash and burn from all the excitement -- Holidays can easily be a recipe for tears and tantrums. How can parents manage life during the holidays to maximize the joy and minimize the tears? Here, our top ten tips for creating a season of meaning and wonderful memories for yourself and your kids.
1. Keep to your usual schedule as much as possible. Kids need the security of familiar routines. They’re stressed by unfamiliar events and what feels to them like chaotic unpredictability. Do what you can to keep them on schedule and be patient when they get hyped-up or irritable.
2. Give kids plenty of warning about travel and upcoming events so they feel less pushed around and taken by surprise. At the beginning of the holidays, you might use a calendar to show them what will happen each day. (“Then the day before Christmas we leave for Grandma’s, where you’ll get to play with all the cousins.”) Many kids love to make a little book, where each page represents a new day and they draw a picture of what will be happening. Sit down for a snuggle every morning and describe the day ahead.
3. Plan no more than one event per day. If you’re taking the kids to the Christmas pageant in the afternoon, don’t expect them to sit still for dinner at Grandma’s that night. If you’re visiting your inlaws, don’t plan the morning with the cousins and the afternoon at Aunt Betty’s. Kids need downtime, just to chill out, snuggle, and do whatever relaxes them. If they don’t get it, they can’t really be blamed for melting down when the over-stimulation gets to them.
4. Have age-appropriate expectations and plan accordingly. A four year old can’t be expected to sit quietly while you enjoy dinner at the home of your best friend from high school, for instance. If you’re doing a lot of visiting with adults, be sure the kids have something to occupy them. If they can read, buy them a new book for the occasion, one they can’t wait to get into. If they’re too young to stay absorbed in a book, bring a video tape. Be sure your schedule includes visits to the playground or other opportunities for the kids to get some fresh air and physical activity.
If you’re flying with kids, be sure to arrive early enough that they get to “run” a bit in the airport hallway after sitting still in the car and before sitting still on the plane. Special secret for painless flights: Bring small wrapped “presents” – books, treats, chapstick, puzzles, simple crafts – for each child. Kids can look forward to getting one as soon as they’ve buckled their seat belts, and several more whenever you need a distraction mid-flight. Be sure to bring bottles, sugar-free lollipops or something else to suck on during take-off and landing.
5. Coach your kids about the social behavior you expect. Role play with them in the car before you arrive, or make a game of it before you go. “What do you say when Aunt Susie gives you a present?” “What if you don’t like the present?” “What do you when Uncle Norman wants to hug you hello?” “What if you don’t like the dinner that’s served?” “When you want to leave the table, how do you ask?” “What will you do if the cousins start arguing?”
6. Watch your kids’ food intake in the midst of too many treats and hyped-up schedules. Many tantrums originate from hunger. And all parents recognize the sugar high that sends kids bouncing off walls and then crashing into tears. If necessary, speak with your parents in advance about limiting treats. And carry small protein-rich snacks with you so your child doesn’t have a melt-down while the adults are negotiating where to go to dinner.
7. Give kids the traditions they love, which offer an experience of security and wonder. Focus on traditions that connect your family, such as telling your holiday story around the fire (or a table-full of candles), stringing popcorn for your tree, playing dreidel, or singing holiday songs togethe r. Be sure to include a tradition that gives your child the opportunity to feel good as a giver (buying and wrapping a book to donate, making a present for Grandma).
8. Don’t torture yourself and your kids by dragging them with you when you go shopping. You might be able to create a positive experience for yourself without them, but that’s almost impossible to do with them in tow. Trade off with a friend to watch all the kids while the other shops. (Too stressful to have all those kids underfoot? This is a great opportunity to launch a holiday tradition by watching Miracle on 34th Street!) Or limit yourself to buying online. Better yet, forgo most presents and make cookies with your kids instead for anyone you want to gift.
9. If you go on vacation, be sure it recharges and reconnects your family. Some of us look forward to the kids’ school vacations as a chance to leave town in search of warm weather or winter sports. That can give you plenty of chances for family connection, especially if you forgo organized evenings in favor of family board games. What you want to avoid, of course, is racing around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy trip, and returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get cranky and stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do less, rather than more.
10. The most important tip, as always in parenting, is to manage yourself so you can stay calm. Remember that the holidays are stressful for kids, and your kids depend on you not only to regulate their environment, but also to help them regulate their moods.
If you’re out of balance, you won’t be able to help your kids stay on an even keel. In fact, if you’re anxious about everything you have to get done, your children will almost certainly begin to act out.
Your kids don’t need a magazine-spread holiday. They need you, in a good mood, living the spirit of the season and spreading love and good cheer. Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong, and be sure your own expectations of the season are reasonable. (What makes you think your difficult relative will suddenly be less difficult this year?!) Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Make sure you nurture yourself and stay in balance. The minute your mood veers from loving to frenzied, STOP. Hug your children and regroup. And at New Years, pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on a job well done, not just in December, but all year long.
Dr. Laura Markham copywrite - https://yps1.worldsecuresystems.com/
Happy Holidays from ChildSharing.com
Monday, November 9, 2009
How to Raise an Intelligent, Creative Child
Raise Great Kids
How to Raise an Intelligent, Creative Child
by: DrLauraMarkham@AhaParenting.com
We all want our kids to reach their full intellectual and creative potential, to love learning, to enjoy reading. And there's no question that doing well academically gives kids huge advantages for the rest of their lives. Here's how to raise a child who's intellectually curious, creative, and excited about learning on every level -- for the long haul.
How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Managing anxiety in order to tackle a big project, managing anger in order to work through a marital conflict, managing fear in order to apply for a job -- the ability of a human being to manage his or her emotions in a healthy way will determine the quality of his life in a much more fundamental way than his IQ. In fact, psychologists have come to call this ability EQ, or Emotional Intelligence Quotient. How to raise a child with a high EQ, which, you'll be happy to find, also means happier and better behaved.
How to Raise a Socially Intelligent Child
Your child lives in a complicated social world. This has always been true for children: all parents can remember their own tears or rage at the cruelty of another child; all parents can remember wanting desperately to be accepted and approved of by other kids. Things are even more complicated for children now, as media has introduced children to the world of adult mores before they are emotionally ready. Our children do not know, just instinctively, how to build good relationships with other children in such a culture of shifting rules. If children have good relationships at home they have a healthy head start, but they still need your help in learning to navigate a complex social world.
How to Raise a Child of Character
Parents often ask how to raise a child with good character and values, in the context of a culture that seems to reward the opposite. The simplest answer is that children learn what they live, so if you live your values, your kids are likely to as well. It's also true that talking explicitly about our values helps kids to develop them, especially in the face of teachings from the media or their peers that might go against what you believe. And there are definitely ways that you can encourage your child to be thoughtful, generous, responsible, and courageous -- in short, a person of character.
Posting courtesy of Dr. Laura Markham - ahaParenting.com
ChildSharing.com - Online Parenting Classes for Families Raising Children Between Two Homes
How to Raise an Intelligent, Creative Child
by: DrLauraMarkham@AhaParenting.com
We all want our kids to reach their full intellectual and creative potential, to love learning, to enjoy reading. And there's no question that doing well academically gives kids huge advantages for the rest of their lives. Here's how to raise a child who's intellectually curious, creative, and excited about learning on every level -- for the long haul.
How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Managing anxiety in order to tackle a big project, managing anger in order to work through a marital conflict, managing fear in order to apply for a job -- the ability of a human being to manage his or her emotions in a healthy way will determine the quality of his life in a much more fundamental way than his IQ. In fact, psychologists have come to call this ability EQ, or Emotional Intelligence Quotient. How to raise a child with a high EQ, which, you'll be happy to find, also means happier and better behaved.
How to Raise a Socially Intelligent Child
Your child lives in a complicated social world. This has always been true for children: all parents can remember their own tears or rage at the cruelty of another child; all parents can remember wanting desperately to be accepted and approved of by other kids. Things are even more complicated for children now, as media has introduced children to the world of adult mores before they are emotionally ready. Our children do not know, just instinctively, how to build good relationships with other children in such a culture of shifting rules. If children have good relationships at home they have a healthy head start, but they still need your help in learning to navigate a complex social world.
How to Raise a Child of Character
Parents often ask how to raise a child with good character and values, in the context of a culture that seems to reward the opposite. The simplest answer is that children learn what they live, so if you live your values, your kids are likely to as well. It's also true that talking explicitly about our values helps kids to develop them, especially in the face of teachings from the media or their peers that might go against what you believe. And there are definitely ways that you can encourage your child to be thoughtful, generous, responsible, and courageous -- in short, a person of character.
Posting courtesy of Dr. Laura Markham - ahaParenting.com
ChildSharing.com - Online Parenting Classes for Families Raising Children Between Two Homes
Friday, September 11, 2009
Surviving Arsenic Hour - by Dr. Laura Markham
Surviving Arsenic Hour
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
Friday, August 14, 2009
Preparing Your Child for the New School Year
Preparing Your Child for the New School Year
The last weeks of summer are already upon us, and the new school year is right around the corner. Whether you can’t wait till your kids are back in school or dread the more regimented days ahead, there’s one thing you can count on: Back to School is always a big transition.
Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means coping with a new teacher, more academic demands and a changing social circle. Start preparing now to make those first weeks easier for your kids – and yourself! Here’s how:
Make sure your child is familiar with the school. If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year. (“Now that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground, and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.” “Now that you’ll be in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.” “Now that you’ll be in middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself. We’ll need to practice crossing Main Street.” )
But if this is her first year at this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there. Even if there is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by taking a trip to the school. If you can get access to the playground, that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school. If not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the slide or climbing structure.
If the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out. If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot. You may not get much further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like, and introduce her to the front office staff. Either way, the more your child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.
2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities. Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come to school for an orientation session before school begins. If the school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school starts. Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that helps her students settle into the school year.
3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher. All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in the classroom. Until they do, they are not ready to learn. Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students emotionally at the start of the school year. Obviously, if you can arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do so. But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows even a teacher he’s never met.
Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms. (“When you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads stories to the kids, she might read your favorite book if we bring it to school.”) If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly (“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”) If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her.
Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day, and to pick out a shiny red apple for her. Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your child will feel a fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably. Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with her.
If you notice in the first week of school that your child doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to immediately contact her. Just explain that your child was excited before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet. You’re hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him so he connects with her and feels at home. Virtually all teachers understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during that first week if you make a nice request. My own daughter cried every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to school in the morning.
4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the other kids, they’ll feel more at ease. If you’re new in town, make a special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood. Often schools are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts. Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease last minute jitters.
5. Practice saying goodbye. If your child is beginning school for the first time and has not had previous daycare or preschool experience, his or her biggest challenge will be saying goodbye to you. Explain that all children go to school to learn, which is a child’s job just like parents work at jobs. Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”
You might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you, such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while you’re apart and give back upon your return. Most kids like to have a picture of the family in their backpacks. Be sure to use the suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to successfully let you go.
6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher. Find out how long you will be able to stay. If you suspect that your child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day. Maybe every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and distract her.
Once you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at school. But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how fun the day will be: “Every morning you will pick a book for me to read to you. When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams together. We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to work. You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and have lunch. Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear what you built in the block corner that day.”
7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school. One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade. Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan & Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.
Get your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art. If you know other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to mention that he will see or play with them. Share your own stories about things you loved about school.
Encourage her questions by asking what she thinks school will be like. Emphasize the things you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every conversation with “and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.
8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you, be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like a big kid. Explain that every day after school you will have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack together.
9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts. Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months. But kids need 9 1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age. (Teens need a minimum of 9.5; toddlers usually do best with 11). Getting them back on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm to be up at 7am for school takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.
Imposing an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in that morning and with the night-before-school jitters. In that situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate. So keep an eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also good for their reading skills.
10. Wake up your child’s brain. You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math problems. On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot during the summer. If your child has been reading through the summer months, congratulations! If not, this is the time to start. Visit the library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy. Introduce the idea that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour every day.
And if your child has assignments to complete, don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was supposed to write a book report. Get summer work out of the way at least a week before school starts so he can relax for the rest of vacation!
11. Let your child choose his own school supplies, whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.
12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day to give your child a comfortable mental movie:
“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class. We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her. She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower. Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go. There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class. You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids. And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”
Be alert for signs that your child is worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new classroom soon.
13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school so you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute crises. Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and a healthy breakfast. Plan to arrive at school early so you have time for meaningful goodbyes. And don’t forget that “first day of school” photo before you leave home!
14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her at the end of the day. Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and then hand her off to her teacher. Don’t leave her adrift without a new attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry. Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long. If your child continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the teacher. Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.
15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school. Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may panic him altogether. If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t worry. You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all day and be a big boy. Your return signals that it’s safe to be his babyself again, take it as a compliment.
This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts. Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums. Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.
Copyright © 2009, Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved.
www.ChildSharing.com - Online Co Parenting Classes
The last weeks of summer are already upon us, and the new school year is right around the corner. Whether you can’t wait till your kids are back in school or dread the more regimented days ahead, there’s one thing you can count on: Back to School is always a big transition.
Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means coping with a new teacher, more academic demands and a changing social circle. Start preparing now to make those first weeks easier for your kids – and yourself! Here’s how:
Make sure your child is familiar with the school. If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year. (“Now that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground, and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.” “Now that you’ll be in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.” “Now that you’ll be in middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself. We’ll need to practice crossing Main Street.” )
But if this is her first year at this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there. Even if there is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by taking a trip to the school. If you can get access to the playground, that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school. If not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the slide or climbing structure.
If the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out. If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot. You may not get much further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like, and introduce her to the front office staff. Either way, the more your child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.
2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities. Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come to school for an orientation session before school begins. If the school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school starts. Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that helps her students settle into the school year.
3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher. All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in the classroom. Until they do, they are not ready to learn. Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students emotionally at the start of the school year. Obviously, if you can arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do so. But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows even a teacher he’s never met.
Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms. (“When you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads stories to the kids, she might read your favorite book if we bring it to school.”) If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly (“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”) If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her.
Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day, and to pick out a shiny red apple for her. Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your child will feel a fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably. Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with her.
If you notice in the first week of school that your child doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to immediately contact her. Just explain that your child was excited before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet. You’re hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him so he connects with her and feels at home. Virtually all teachers understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during that first week if you make a nice request. My own daughter cried every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to school in the morning.
4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids. Kids are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the other kids, they’ll feel more at ease. If you’re new in town, make a special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood. Often schools are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts. Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease last minute jitters.
5. Practice saying goodbye. If your child is beginning school for the first time and has not had previous daycare or preschool experience, his or her biggest challenge will be saying goodbye to you. Explain that all children go to school to learn, which is a child’s job just like parents work at jobs. Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like “I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”
You might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you, such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while you’re apart and give back upon your return. Most kids like to have a picture of the family in their backpacks. Be sure to use the suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to successfully let you go.
6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher. Find out how long you will be able to stay. If you suspect that your child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day. Maybe every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and distract her.
Once you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at school. But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how fun the day will be: “Every morning you will pick a book for me to read to you. When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams together. We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to work. You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and have lunch. Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear what you built in the block corner that day.”
7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school. One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade. Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan & Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.
Get your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art. If you know other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to mention that he will see or play with them. Share your own stories about things you loved about school.
Encourage her questions by asking what she thinks school will be like. Emphasize the things you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every conversation with “and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.
8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you, be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like a big kid. Explain that every day after school you will have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack together.
9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts. Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months. But kids need 9 1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age. (Teens need a minimum of 9.5; toddlers usually do best with 11). Getting them back on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm to be up at 7am for school takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.
Imposing an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in that morning and with the night-before-school jitters. In that situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate. So keep an eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also good for their reading skills.
10. Wake up your child’s brain. You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math problems. On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot during the summer. If your child has been reading through the summer months, congratulations! If not, this is the time to start. Visit the library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy. Introduce the idea that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour every day.
And if your child has assignments to complete, don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was supposed to write a book report. Get summer work out of the way at least a week before school starts so he can relax for the rest of vacation!
11. Let your child choose his own school supplies, whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.
12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day to give your child a comfortable mental movie:
“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class. We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her. She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower. Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go. There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class. You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids. And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”
Be alert for signs that your child is worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new classroom soon.
13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school so you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute crises. Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and a healthy breakfast. Plan to arrive at school early so you have time for meaningful goodbyes. And don’t forget that “first day of school” photo before you leave home!
14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her at the end of the day. Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and then hand her off to her teacher. Don’t leave her adrift without a new attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry. Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long. If your child continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the teacher. Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.
15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school. Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may panic him altogether. If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t worry. You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all day and be a big boy. Your return signals that it’s safe to be his babyself again, take it as a compliment.
This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts. Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums. Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.
Copyright © 2009, Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved.
www.ChildSharing.com - Online Co Parenting Classes
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Dr. Phil on the Damage of Putting Kids in the Middle
Did anyone see Dr. Phil yesterday Feb. 4th 2009 regarding the damage you can do to your children by putting them in the middle. It was clear that the child was suffering and needed the love and nurturing from him mother.
Unfortunately to many times during the divorce process and after parents lose sight of their value and significance in their childcare's lives. The mother of this child had every excuse as to why she was not available to her son - time, circumstance and money.
The child made a great point - if nothing else, go down to a pay phone and call for .25 cents.
Your children just need to know you are there for them, that you care and love them. A little bit goes a long way and if they feel safe and secure their chances for success will increase exponentially.
I think too many times as parents we assume that we need to buy our kids - but love does not cost a thing and if you as a parent go outside of yourself and look beyond - or simply just down you will see eyes staring up at you with full faith that you are special - your kids love you faults and all so take some time out and simply love them - the returns are eternal.
For more information on the show you can check out: www.DrPhil.com
Cheers and best wishes - if you feel like you would like to brush up on your personal parenting skills check out www.childsharing.com
Unfortunately to many times during the divorce process and after parents lose sight of their value and significance in their childcare's lives. The mother of this child had every excuse as to why she was not available to her son - time, circumstance and money.
The child made a great point - if nothing else, go down to a pay phone and call for .25 cents.
Your children just need to know you are there for them, that you care and love them. A little bit goes a long way and if they feel safe and secure their chances for success will increase exponentially.
I think too many times as parents we assume that we need to buy our kids - but love does not cost a thing and if you as a parent go outside of yourself and look beyond - or simply just down you will see eyes staring up at you with full faith that you are special - your kids love you faults and all so take some time out and simply love them - the returns are eternal.
For more information on the show you can check out: www.DrPhil.com
Cheers and best wishes - if you feel like you would like to brush up on your personal parenting skills check out www.childsharing.com
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