Want to wake up jazzed about the day ahead?
By Dr. Laura Markham http://ahaparenting.com/
"Want to feel as playful and vibrant as your children? Want to feel an abundance of energy? Want to experience greater clarity in all you do? Want to wake up jazzed about the day ahead? Imagine taking care of yourself in all the marvelous ways you take care of others. It makes sense that, if you shifted self-care onto the top of your priority list, you would feel more rested, more centered, more present to your loved ones, more joyful..." -- womansfieldguide.com
Yesterday my weekly newsletter included the article "10 Commitments You Can Make to Become a More Inspired Parent -- and a Happier Person!" A number of readers wrote asking me to cover each of these commitments in more detail. Today, we begin with #1:
Commit to taking care of yourself and staying centered so you can be the happy, patient, encouraging parent your child deserves.
Nobody is centered all the time. This commitment is about noticing when you get off balance and finding ways to course-correct. Equally important, it's about creating a healthy foundation so the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (and children!) don't faze you. How? Integrate daily sustainable self-nurturing into your life, to keep your mood happy and resourceful:
* Make a list of things that make you feel joyful, and do at least one thing from your Joy list every single day. It can be as simple as a hot bath or as elaborate as getting a sitter so you can spend the evening out.
* Make a list of things you can do with your kids to shift the mood and energy when things get tough: Put on music and dance? Make popcorn? Spend the afternoon snuggling on the couch with a blanket and a pile of books? Get everyone outside for an hour?
* The minute your mood veers from loving to frazzled, stop. Breathe deep. Remind yourself that everything is better when you stay calm. Hug your children and regroup.
* Start going to bed an hour earlier so you're better rested in the morning.
* Notice the times each day that stress you (bedtime? dinner prep? getting dressed?). Write out a routine for that time of day, post it, and keep refining it until you can enjoy it stress-free.
* Figure out healthful snacks and meals that you actually love eating and can prepare quickly.
* Drop the addictions that are sapping your energy (you know what they are) and substitute other ways to recharge your batteries and indulge yourself. Get help if you need to as you break old habits.
* Slow down your pace so you can enjoy your life. Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Just say no to everything you can that doesn’t bring you joy.
* Forget about having a calm and orderly life. (You have kids, right?) Instead, aspire to remain gracious in the face of the unexpected. Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong.
* Adopt a simple mindfulness practice to stay in balance. It can be as simple as putting post-its reminding you to Breathe on your dashboard, mirror, and fridge.
* Transform those inner negative voices in your head into your inner cheerleader and shower yourself with encouragement.
* Forgive yourself every day for all the ways you aren't perfect, and accept yourself, warts and all. Only parents who can make peace with their own imperfection can fully accept and love their children (who are by definition imperfect.)
* Count your blessings and say thank you for everything good in your life, every single day.
Make sure your child gets the best of you, not what's left of you after life wears you down each day. What’s your plan today to fill your own cup with love and joy?
All Rights Reserved: http://ahaparenting.com/
www.ChildSharing.com
Showing posts with label parenting tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting tips. Show all posts
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Mark Gregston on parenting Today's Teens
Teenagers are stepping over the line when they speak disrespectfully or take your stuff without asking.
Another word for the proverbial “line” not to cross is “boundaries.” Defining your boundaries will help an immature child learn how to respond and relate to others. For instance, “We will talk with respect to one another,” or, “We will respect each other’s property.”
But does your teenager know what your boundaries are? I advocate writing down your boundaries and posting them front and center so they are clear, including the associated consequences for stepping over the line, so he also knows the penalty for immature behavior.
Doing so will bring peace to your home and help your teen learn the right way to behave in every relationship.
from "Parenting Today's Teens Radio"
Another word for the proverbial “line” not to cross is “boundaries.” Defining your boundaries will help an immature child learn how to respond and relate to others. For instance, “We will talk with respect to one another,” or, “We will respect each other’s property.”
But does your teenager know what your boundaries are? I advocate writing down your boundaries and posting them front and center so they are clear, including the associated consequences for stepping over the line, so he also knows the penalty for immature behavior.
Doing so will bring peace to your home and help your teen learn the right way to behave in every relationship.
from "Parenting Today's Teens Radio"
Friday, September 11, 2009
Surviving Arsenic Hour - by Dr. Laura Markham
Surviving Arsenic Hour
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
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