Child-Centered Divorce: Is there a "gift" in your divorce? Is there a "gift" in your divorce? Find it and you will flourish!

Child-Centered Divorce: Is there a "gift" in your divorce?
Is there a "gift" in your divorce? Find it and you will flourish!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

When we are in the midst of life trauma it is very difficult to
experience anything but the pain, disappointment, hurt and anguish
related to that experience. That's only natural. But very often,
looking back in hindsight, we can find meaning, relevance, valuable
lessons and insights that were the direct result of those major
life challenges. Without that life-altering event we would not
become the successes we are today.

Many people look upon that result as the "gift" they received from
the experience - the wisdom they gleaned, the turning point they
needed to move on to a new chapter in their lives. They look back
and can say the lesson was tough, but they don't regret it in the
least.

I believe divorce can be looked upon as one of those "gifts" and
life lessons if we choose to look for the reward. What did you
learn as a result of this experience? Who are you today that you
would not have been had you not divorced? Do you see inner wisdom
or strength that makes you proud? Have you made decisions that are
more supportive of your life and values? Do you like yourself
better? Have you found new career directions or new meaning in life
as a direct result of your divorce?

If you can't yet answer yes to any of these questions, give
yourself time. Perhaps you have not fully moved through the inner
and outer transitions resulting from your divorce. Perhaps you are
still holding on to resentment, anger, jealousy or other negative
emotions that are keeping you from experiencing the freedom from
old programming and patterns.

I believe there is a gift in every tough experience in our lives -
if we choose to see it. And why shouldn't we put our energy in that
direction? What good does it do to hold on to a past that has
slipped away - or to people who are not giving us the love and
support we deserve? When we let go of the past, we open the door to
a new future - and only then can we empower ourselves to create
that future as a much better outcome for ourselves and those we love.

Shelley Stile is a professionally trained Life Coach
(http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=9v06h&m=L30NJb5mNUZMxH&b=DV5U6GqGCUheWTql2nqIBQ) specializing in divorce issues.
She has written about this topic and her advice is worth sharing
with you:

"Everything that occurs in our lives and everything that we are
(warts and all) has a hidden gift. If you speak to someone who has
survived divorce and has gone on to create a vibrant life based
upon their own passions and values, they will certainly tell you
that their divorce was the best thing that happened to them. That
may not be true for you but there is a gift waiting for you to
find. My ex likes to say that he is responsible for my new career
and to a certain extent he has played a part. Oftentimes it takes a
good whack on the head to awaken us to life's possibilities and our
own happiness.

It's the old adage: Every cloud has a silver lining. It is true.
Search for the gifts of your divorce and it becomes yet another
step toward a successful recovery from the trauma of divorce.

Successful divorce recovery takes inner work. Much like a flower,
the work that has taken place underneath the surface of the ground,
invisible to the human eye, is the crucial aspect. Without that
subterranean work, there would be no flower. The reward of the
flower is dependent upon the inner work of the seed and the root
system. It is the same with humans. Do the inner work and you will
ultimately see the outer rewards."

Don't be afraid to go within and plant the seeds for the tomorrow
you dream about. With love, patience and gratitude I know your
garden will ultimately grow and flourish!

* * * *

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and
author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the
Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children --
with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for
customizing a personal family storybook that guides children
through this difficult transition with optimum results. For more
information about the book, Rosalind's free articles and free ezine
visit http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=9v06h&m=L30NJb5mNUZMxH&b=ph_0ZOqrnZDnB6znFwjg5Q.

© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved.