5 Ways to Safeguard Your Children During and After Divorce
Communication with our children is always important, but never as
essential as when they are touched by separation or divorce.
Children are vulnerable and easily frightened by changes in their
routines. The more you talk to and comfort them, the less stress
and anxiety they'll experience. This is the time to reassure your
children that you are taking care of matters and everyone in the
family will be okay, Then, of course, take responsibility for doing
what needs to be done to assure their well-being.
Here are five important ways you can help your children to thrive
during and after your divorce.
1. Strive to keep as much normalcy in your children's lives as is
feasible. Maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors
provides a sense of stability and continuity. Keeping children in
the same school and remaining in the same house, when possible,
serves to remind children that life is still going on as usual in
many ways. That awareness makes it easier to adapt to the other
changes happening at the same time. Always make decisions based on
their emotional security.
2. Make spending time and attention with your children a priority.
With all the stress in your life it's easy to overlook your kid's
need for stability and security. The best source for that is you.
It's easy to take solace with friends or bury yourself in work, but
your children need you more than ever right now. Your love and
attention are the most valuable resources you can share with them.
Make sure you are generous with both!
3. Talk to your children about ways to discuss the divorce with
their friends and extended family. Coach them on answers to probing
questions from the outside, such as, "I don't know. My mom and dad
are working on that." Or "You'll have to ask my mom about that." Do
whatever it takes to remember that your children deserve to have
and keep their childhood. Let them be kids. Never burden them with
adult responsibilities or communication.
4. Seek out other families who have experienced divorce as part of
a new network. This can provide support and new friends for you as
well as your children. They will appreciate meeting other kids who
know what they are going through and can share feelings and
stories. School guidance counselors may be able to help you find
support groups, clubs or other gatherings.
5. Don't wait for emotional or behavior problems to appear. It is
often wise to talk to a family therapist in advance about issues to
be aware of. Or schedule a few sessions with your children so they
can express their anxiety, fear, anger, etc. and feel "heard" by an
objective third party. Ask friends, pediatricians or school
professionals for referrals to therapists experienced with divorce.
Some days you may want to hide in a closet or under the blankets in
bed. So may your children. But they can't always express what they
are feeling and why. It is your responsibility to be diligent in
protecting your children -- emotionally as well as physically. Keep
the doors to communication open as non-judgmentally as you can.
This will go a long way toward helping the children you love get
through these challenging times with the best possible outcome.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and
author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the
Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children --
with Love! For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on
child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to:
www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Communication with our children is always important, but never as
essential as when they are touched by separation or divorce.
Children are vulnerable and easily frightened by changes in their
routines. The more you talk to and comfort them, the less stress
and anxiety they'll experience. This is the time to reassure your
children that you are taking care of matters and everyone in the
family will be okay, Then, of course, take responsibility for doing
what needs to be done to assure their well-being.
Here are five important ways you can help your children to thrive
during and after your divorce.
1. Strive to keep as much normalcy in your children's lives as is
feasible. Maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors
provides a sense of stability and continuity. Keeping children in
the same school and remaining in the same house, when possible,
serves to remind children that life is still going on as usual in
many ways. That awareness makes it easier to adapt to the other
changes happening at the same time. Always make decisions based on
their emotional security.
2, Make spending time and attention with your children a priority.
With all the stress in your life it's easy to overlook your kid's
need for stability and security. The best source for that is you.
It's easy to take solace with friends or bury yourself in work, but
your children need you more than ever right now. Your love and
attention are the most valuable resources you can share with them.
Make sure you are generous with both!
3. Talk to your children about ways to discuss the divorce with
their friends and extended family. Coach them on answers to probing
questions from the outside, such as, "I don't know. My mom and dad
are working on that." Or "You'll have to ask my mom about that." Do
whatever it takes to remember that your children deserve to have
and keep their childhood. Let them be kids. Never burden them with
adult responsibilities or communication.
4. Seek out other families who have experienced divorce as part of
a new network. This can provide support and new friends for you as
well as your children. They will appreciate meeting other kids who
know what they are going through and can share feelings and
stories. School guidance counselors may be able to help you find
support groups, clubs or other gatherings.
5. Don't wait for emotional or behavior problems to appear. It is
often wise to talk to a family therapist in advance about issues to
be aware of. Or schedule a few sessions with your children so they
can express their anxiety, fear, anger, etc. and feel "heard" by an
objective third party. Ask friends, pediatricians or school
professionals for referrals to therapists experienced with divorce.
Some days you may want to hide in a closet or under the blankets in
bed. So may your children. But they can't always express what they
are feeling and why. It is your responsibility to be diligent in
protecting your children -- emotionally as well as physically. Keep
the doors to communication open as non-judgmentally as you can.
This will go a long way toward helping the children you love get
through these challenging times with the best possible outcome.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and
author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the
Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children --
with Love! For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on
child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to:
www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Communication with our children is always important, but never as
essential as when they are touched by separation or divorce.
Children are vulnerable and easily frightened by changes in their
routines. The more you talk to and comfort them, the less stress
and anxiety they'll experience. This is the time to reassure your
children that you are taking care of matters and everyone in the
family will be okay, Then, of course, take responsibility for doing
what needs to be done to assure their well-being.
Here are five important ways you can help your children to thrive
during and after your divorce.
1. Strive to keep as much normalcy in your children's lives as is
feasible. Maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors
provides a sense of stability and continuity. Keeping children in
the same school and remaining in the same house, when possible,
serves to remind children that life is still going on as usual in
many ways. That awareness makes it easier to adapt to the other
changes happening at the same time. Always make decisions based on
their emotional security.
2, Make spending time and attention with your children a priority.
With all the stress in your life it's easy to overlook your kid's
need for stability and security. The best source for that is you.
It's easy to take solace with friends or bury yourself in work, but
your children need you more than ever right now. Your love and
attention are the most valuable resources you can share with them.
Make sure you are generous with both!
3. Talk to your children about ways to discuss the divorce with
their friends and extended family. Coach them on answers to probing
questions from the outside, such as, "I don't know. My mom and dad
are working on that." Or "You'll have to ask my mom about that." Do
whatever it takes to remember that your children deserve to have
and keep their childhood. Let them be kids. Never burden them with
adult responsibilities or communication.
4. Seek out other families who have experienced divorce as part of
a new network. This can provide support and new friends for you as
well as your children. They will appreciate meeting other kids who
know what they are going through and can share feelings and
stories. School guidance counselors may be able to help you find
support groups, clubs or other gatherings.
5. Don't wait for emotional or behavior problems to appear. It is
often wise to talk to a family therapist in advance about issues to
be aware of. Or schedule a few sessions with your children so they
can express their anxiety, fear, anger, etc. and feel "heard" by an
objective third party. Ask friends, pediatricians or school
professionals for referrals to therapists experienced with divorce.
Some days you may want to hide in a closet or under the blankets in
bed. So may your children. But they can't always express what they
are feeling and why. It is your responsibility to be diligent in
protecting your children -- emotionally as well as physically. Keep
the doors to communication open as non-judgmentally as you can.
This will go a long way toward helping the children you love get
through these challenging times with the best possible outcome.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and
author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the
Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children --
with Love! For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on
child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to:
www.childcentereddivorce.com.
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