Child-Centered Divorce: 3 Big Lies Women Believe about Divorced Dads Three big lies women believe about divorced Dads.

Child-Centered Divorce: 3 Big Lies Women Believe about Divorced Dads
Three big lies women believe about divorced Dads.
Do you know the truth?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Many children grow up as adults and find they are duped into
believing negative things about one parent or another as a
consequence of a divorce. Our society, legal system and gender
biases all play a role in creating negative stereotypes connected
to divorced women and men. Men are especially liable to some
sweeping generalizations regarding post-divorce behaviors. Whether
they are based on anecdotal stories passed among family members,
popular movies or sensational celebrity headlines in recent years,
men are often portrayed as the aggressors and winners when it comes
to divorce. Here are some common mistruths that deserve clarity and
further exploration.

1. The husband usually initiates the divorce.

In today's culture women are finally free - both emotionally and
economically - to take the reigns and ask for a divorce. They may
feel unfulfilled or unappreciated in their marriage, emotionally or
physically abused, exploited or disrespected. They may discover
that their husband has been unfaithful - or they themselves may
have entered into sexual affairs as an outlet for frustration or a
variety of incompatibilities. Regardless of the cause, men are not
the exclusive initiators of divorce and should not bear the blame
as a gender. Often it is the husband who is the last to know that
his wife wants out.

2. Most divorced fathers do not make their child support payments.

While some fathers abuse their responsibilities in this regard -
and the courts are filled with such cases - the majority of
divorced Dads feel deeply concerned about the well-being of their
children and want to support their families in every possible way.
They also want to remain actively involved in their children's
lives. Like Moms, Dads love their children and are hurt if the
connections with them are cut off. This is especially painful if a
vindictive mother is trying to get back at Dad through the kids. In
these cases it's the children who are ultimately hurt the most.
Another related untruth is that most fathers are far better off
financially after a divorce. As in all things, it depends on the
parties and circumstances involved.

3. Only rarely does a mother try to keep the father from seeing his
children.

Unfortunately this is more common than most people believe. In
recent years the situation has been given a name and is finally
being recognized as an injustice to children of divorce. Parental
Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a problem initiated by both genders.
However, more women use this emotional and psychological weapon
against their former husbands because they can. What they don't
understand is that they are deeply wounding their children through
this alienation and ultimately, when the kids are grown, quite
often they are resentful at the parent that created the separation.
No good can come from this tactic for anyone in the family.
Regardless of how angry and upset you might be at your ex, do not
use the children as pawns or punishment to derive your own
satisfaction.

* * *

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author How Do I Tell the Kids ... about
the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children
-- with Love! The new ebook provides expert advice that helps
parents create a unique personal family storybook with
fill-in-the-blank templates.