Child-Centered Divorce: Significant Advice from Noted Attorney

Child-Centered Divorce: Significant Advice from Noted Attorney
Significant Advice from Karen Covy, author of "When Happily Ever
After Ends: How to Survive Your Divorce- Emotionally, Financially
and Legally"

Think that hiring a high-profile divorce lawyer is the best way to
get through the process? Chicago author and family attorney Karen
Covy takes the global view about the necessary ingredients to get
you through your divorce with the least amount of damage, for now
and in the future:
· Karma (what goes around comes around);
· Taking responsibility for yourself and your divorce
· Control (controlling your own emotions and not trying to
control your spouse)
· Using common sense in a divorce proceeding: What is best for
the kids? (caring negotiating regarding the holidays and
visitation in a divorce situation).

Karen shares her advice with ...

Ten Things You Should Never Do in Your Divorce -- some of which may
surprise you!

1. Never put your children in the middle of your divorce. It is not
your children's job to relay messages to your spouse, drop off your
child support check, or deal with your spouse simply because you
don't want to do it yourself.

2. Never do anything that will harm your children's relationship
with your spouse. Children love their parents. Bad-mouthing your
spouse, treating your spouse badly in front of the children or
purposely doing things to screw up your spouse's time with the
children doesn't just hurt your spouse. It hurts your kids. Don't
do it.

3. Never purposely destroy your property or your spouse's property
during the divorce. You might think you will feel better if you
slice up your spouse' clothing, destroy your spouse's family
photos, or ruin whatever it is that your spouse holds dear, but you
won't feel nearly as good about it when the judge in your case
orders you to pay for the things you destroyed.

4. Never purposely do anything just to inflict pain on your spouse.
In the heat of the moment you might think that making your spouse
miserable will make you feel better. For a short time, maybe it
even will. But what goes around, comes around. If you do something
mean and terrible to your spouse, just to make your spouse
miserable, someday, somehow, it will come back to you.

5. Never cancel your spouse's health insurance. If your spouse gets
hit by a truck while you're still married, who do you think is
going to be responsible for paying the bill? (Hint: It's not going
to be your spouse.)

6. Never quit your job just so you don't have to pay child support,
or so that your spouse has to pay to support you. Again, it sounds
good in theory, but don't be surprised if a judge isn't sympathetic
to your situation and orders you to go back to work and to pay your
spouse what you should have been paying in child support all along,
or refuses to order your spouse to pay to support you when you are
perfectly capable of supporting yourself.

7. Never take your children and move out of state, vacation out of
the country, or simply run away with them, without telling your
spouse. If you know your spouse (or your ex-spouse) is going to
object to your moving to Alaska with the children, don't think that
you can do it anyway, and as long as your spouse doesn't stop you
in advance, you'll get away with it. The quickest way to lose
custody of your children is to deprive your spouse of time with them.

8. Never stalk your spouse, break into your ex's house, or tamper
with the mail. A crime is a crime. If you commit a crime, you are
going to jail. There is no such thing as a "not guilty by reason of
insanity due to a divorce" defense.

9. Never intentionally blow off a court order. Your spouse might be
willing to put up with your excuses, avoidance activities, and bad
behavior, but a judge won't be so forgiving. If the judge has
ordered you to do something: do it. If you don't like the judge's
order, talk to your lawyer about finding a way to change it. But,
whatever you do, don't just blow off the court order because you
don't agree with what it says.

10. Never be afraid to let your spouse take credit for what you've
done. If you are married to the kind of spouse who needs to be in
control -- someone who needs to be "right" or needs to be a big
shot, and you come up with a way to settle your case, but your
spouse won't buy it because its your idea, then let your spouse
think the settlement was his or her idea. As long as you've got a
settlement that works, one in which your needs, and your children's
needs are being met, who cares who created that settlement? What's
important is getting what you need. Getting credit for getting what
you need doesn't matter.

Karen A. Covy, J.D., received her law degree magna cum laude from
the University of Notre Dame Law School. Since opening her own
Chicago practice in 1995, Covy focuses on family law, including
divorce, custody and parenting. Covy dedicates herself -- and her
practice -- to helping hundreds survive divorce and walk away with
grace.
* * *

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and
author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the
Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children --
with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for
customizing a personal family storybook that guides children
through this difficult transition with optimum results. For free
articles on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free
ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved.

8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA