Collaborative Divorce -- Robin Williams Sets a Good Example
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
We all know what poor role models celebrities can be when it comes to taking the moral high road. Divorce is an area that has offered too few examples of positive behavior, especially regarding issues affecting celebrity children. For this reason I am constantly seeking out those in the limelight who are, in fact, demonstrating positive alternatives because of their enormous influence in our culture.
Fortunately the world of divorce now has a new figure speaking out on the side of sanity and positive outcomes. The actor Robin Williams and his wife Marsha chose not to create a messy, expensive divorce battle in the courts, taking instead a responsible and respectful course of action for the sake of their children.
Even more impressive, Williams went public with his story on national TV shows, acknowledging his wife and emphasizing the importance of keeping it clean so that their children needn't suffer the consequences.
"I'm lucky... with someone like Marsha. We have amazing kids and it's not a slash and burn," said Williams when talking to Ellen DeGeneres. "I think a lot of times divorce can be like circumcision with a weed whacker," the comedian added, making a significant point in his own colorful style.
Here's the part that really deserves our attention - and recognition. The two made public their decision to create a written agreement outlining their goals and stating their intention to remain respectful of each other during the upcoming divorce proceedings.
Their agreement stated, "We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families." Of special interest to me is the following statement in the agreement: "We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably."
That means Robin and Marsha have chosen the Collaborative Divorce model which has received little media attention as an alternative to adversarial litigation. As a strong proponent of Child-Centered Divorce, I heartily endorse this decision and hope it will become an example for other couples facing divorce decisions when children are involved.
What makes a divorce "Collaborative"? In the simplest terms:
1. Attorneys and clients sign a written agreement to work toward settlement and not go to court.
2. Neutral experts are hired by the parties (financial, parenting, etc.) - no battle of the experts.
3. Parties agree to make a full and candid exchange of information - no hiding the ball.
Not every divorce case can be settled collaboratively, but if more couples were aware of this option and agreed to strive for the best interest of the entire family, how different long-term outcomes of divorce would be!
Robin and Marsha Williams had been married for 19 years and have two children together. No one wishes divorce upon any family, but the Williams' children are fortunate to have such caring, enlightened parents
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Child-Centered Divorce: Working with Divorce Professionals Finding the Right Divorce Professionals
Child-Centered Divorce: Working with Divorce Professionals
Finding the Right Divorce Professionals
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Over the past six months, through marketing my new book, I have met a remarkable community of experts. Each of them has focused their careers on supporting and assisting people moving through and beyond divorce. Impressively, some are collaborative or child-centered attorneys. This special breed really cares about helping families avoid unnecessary litigation to save couples both money and sanity, especially when children are concerned.
Others are mediators devoted to assisting couples to move through the maze of decisions regarding divorce and come out on the other side with a win/win resolution. I've also met many very devoted Divorce Coaches who can guide you through every facet of the divorce process, answering questions and helping you determine the best outcome for your personal needs, especially post-divorce.
I'm always impressed with the wonderful mental health counselors and therapists who lend their expertise to divorce-related issues. They understand the emotional, psychological, physical and mental dynamics that come about through separation and divorce. These counselors always provide a fresh, supportive perspective on how to overcome your challenges in the best way for your own well-being and that of your family.
I've met wonderful people specializing in financial, mortgage and related issues specifically focused on the consequences of divorce. There's much to learn from these professionals so you are financially prepared to encounter your life experiences without regrets in the months and years following your divorce. And equally important are the career counselors and other transition professionals who understand the challenges you face and can guide you in creating fulfillment and prosperity in the years ahead.
Don't hesitate to take advantage of this wealth of knowledge, compassion and enlightened vision that you can find from the right professionals. And if the people you are dealing with don't make you feel supported and cared about, fire them and move on to another. It is essential to find the right fit and feel comfortable in seeking out experts with whom you can share your concerns at this very vulnerable time in your life.
If you are not a surgeon you would not operate on yourself or a loved one when they are in need. Why not trust the expertise of a divorce professional when you need guidance in this challenging arena? Ask around for referrals, interview your candidates in detail, trust your gut - and then make a commitment to getting the professional assistance you need from just the right person.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For more information about the book, Rosalind's free articles and free ezine visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved.
Finding the Right Divorce Professionals
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Over the past six months, through marketing my new book, I have met a remarkable community of experts. Each of them has focused their careers on supporting and assisting people moving through and beyond divorce. Impressively, some are collaborative or child-centered attorneys. This special breed really cares about helping families avoid unnecessary litigation to save couples both money and sanity, especially when children are concerned.
Others are mediators devoted to assisting couples to move through the maze of decisions regarding divorce and come out on the other side with a win/win resolution. I've also met many very devoted Divorce Coaches who can guide you through every facet of the divorce process, answering questions and helping you determine the best outcome for your personal needs, especially post-divorce.
I'm always impressed with the wonderful mental health counselors and therapists who lend their expertise to divorce-related issues. They understand the emotional, psychological, physical and mental dynamics that come about through separation and divorce. These counselors always provide a fresh, supportive perspective on how to overcome your challenges in the best way for your own well-being and that of your family.
I've met wonderful people specializing in financial, mortgage and related issues specifically focused on the consequences of divorce. There's much to learn from these professionals so you are financially prepared to encounter your life experiences without regrets in the months and years following your divorce. And equally important are the career counselors and other transition professionals who understand the challenges you face and can guide you in creating fulfillment and prosperity in the years ahead.
Don't hesitate to take advantage of this wealth of knowledge, compassion and enlightened vision that you can find from the right professionals. And if the people you are dealing with don't make you feel supported and cared about, fire them and move on to another. It is essential to find the right fit and feel comfortable in seeking out experts with whom you can share your concerns at this very vulnerable time in your life.
If you are not a surgeon you would not operate on yourself or a loved one when they are in need. Why not trust the expertise of a divorce professional when you need guidance in this challenging arena? Ask around for referrals, interview your candidates in detail, trust your gut - and then make a commitment to getting the professional assistance you need from just the right person.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! The book provides fill-in-the-blank templates for customizing a personal family storybook that guides children through this difficult transition with optimum results. For more information about the book, Rosalind's free articles and free ezine visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Divorce Done Wrong: Outrageous Parental Outbursts
Divorce Done Wrong: Outrageous Parental Outbursts
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Because I'm recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, my first concern revolves around children and divorce. This is my take on the many divorce-in-the-news cases that attract public attention. With new technology such as YouTube.com, social media sites, email alerts, MP3 files, etc. now available to anyone who wants their day in public, there's a new array of divorce-related venting, ranting and raving for all to see. The actress Trisha Walsh Smith's YouTube public blast about her husband and their divorce is one such example.
Trisha used the video format to put down her husband for not giving her a fair deal in their marriage and divorce. Fortunately Trisha does not have young children because they would be dramatically affected by such an ego-centric outburst. Should parents experiencing divorce follow her example, they will be doing lifelong damage to their innocent children (who have to "handle" the public attention to their parents' divorce!)
Even without young children, her "tirade" affected the personal lives of many members of her and his family, forcing them into the limelight without their consent. This is a very selfish approach to bringing attention to her personal plight. Right or wrong in her gripe, she had no right to drag others into this embarrassing outburst. Showing photos and criticizing his family in public went way beyond venting about her circumstances. She would have been mortified if her husband had behaved in the same manner.
Ultimately she received a lot of media attention, which was her goal. However I don't believe it worked in her favor. I believe we must remind adults that just because new technology is available in our world, it does not mean we should break the boundaries of civility, respect and maturity in trying to make our points. We can't use naivety about the consequences as an excuse for poor taste, emotional abuse, or immature behavior. Those boundaries should come from within.
What frightens me most is the fear that divorcing parents might emulate this behavior without thinking about how it would affect their children. Even grown children will be mortified by parents hauling their dirty laundry up the flag pole in public arenas, just because they can.
I believe this kind of behavior, in the future, will come to be known as pulling a "Trisha." Let's hope Trisha becomes a poster child for how not to conduct yourself when your divorce gets dirty and you feel like lashing out!
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For more information about the book, her free articles, ezine and other valuable resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Because I'm recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, my first concern revolves around children and divorce. This is my take on the many divorce-in-the-news cases that attract public attention. With new technology such as YouTube.com, social media sites, email alerts, MP3 files, etc. now available to anyone who wants their day in public, there's a new array of divorce-related venting, ranting and raving for all to see. The actress Trisha Walsh Smith's YouTube public blast about her husband and their divorce is one such example.
Trisha used the video format to put down her husband for not giving her a fair deal in their marriage and divorce. Fortunately Trisha does not have young children because they would be dramatically affected by such an ego-centric outburst. Should parents experiencing divorce follow her example, they will be doing lifelong damage to their innocent children (who have to "handle" the public attention to their parents' divorce!)
Even without young children, her "tirade" affected the personal lives of many members of her and his family, forcing them into the limelight without their consent. This is a very selfish approach to bringing attention to her personal plight. Right or wrong in her gripe, she had no right to drag others into this embarrassing outburst. Showing photos and criticizing his family in public went way beyond venting about her circumstances. She would have been mortified if her husband had behaved in the same manner.
Ultimately she received a lot of media attention, which was her goal. However I don't believe it worked in her favor. I believe we must remind adults that just because new technology is available in our world, it does not mean we should break the boundaries of civility, respect and maturity in trying to make our points. We can't use naivety about the consequences as an excuse for poor taste, emotional abuse, or immature behavior. Those boundaries should come from within.
What frightens me most is the fear that divorcing parents might emulate this behavior without thinking about how it would affect their children. Even grown children will be mortified by parents hauling their dirty laundry up the flag pole in public arenas, just because they can.
I believe this kind of behavior, in the future, will come to be known as pulling a "Trisha." Let's hope Trisha becomes a poster child for how not to conduct yourself when your divorce gets dirty and you feel like lashing out!
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For more information about the book, her free articles, ezine and other valuable resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Divorcing Parents: Don't Bring Your Battles to Court
Divorcing Parents: Don't Bring Your Battles to Court
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
You're getting divorced and you're angry, resentful, hurt, vindictive or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out, to get back at your spouse or boost your own sense of esteem. Hiring the most aggressive litigious divorce lawyer you can find seems like your smartest choice. Your ex is in for a fight!
If you're a parent who is thinking along those lines, you're making a choice you may long regret.
If you choose a lawyer who directs you straight into a vicious court battle, the costs to you will be insurmountable - not only in financial outlay, but in emotional turmoil as well. Think long and hard before you move your divorce battle into the legal system. It is likely to take its toll on every member of your family - including your children - in the most destructive and gut-wrenching ways. It happens all the time. But it need not happen to you.
When you give your divorce outcome over to the courts, you are paving the way to unimaginable stress and frustration compounded by a sense of powerlessness that is hard to comprehend until you are in its grips. As you stand by and watch attorneys and judges make decisions about your life and your future you can't help but feel violated and helpless. The taste of revenge that you were after can easily turn into anxiety and shock when issues get twisted and victors become victims right before your eyes. The consequences can play out for years, and often decades, to come.
Sadly, your children are not protected from the emotional and psychological repercussions. When custody decisions are made by those who are focused more on financial issues than family issues, children's needs often get pushed aside in favor of other objectives. Relationships, balance and good will are not prime objectives in the battle of divorce, and the scars on your children's psyches are often overlooked in the legal blood-bath that ensues.
There are other ways. Better ways. And more ways than ever before to create a divorce that respects the rights of every one in the family.
Before engaging that "killer" attorney, talk to a Collaborative Divorce attorney who specializes in creating peaceful outcomes without going to court. Collaborative Lawyers are trained to use their own special skills along with the aid of financial planners, therapists, mediators and other resources to bring both sides into conversation about win-win outcomes. Children's needs get high consideration.
Certified Mediators offer another opportunity to create a fair settlement without litigation at a considerable cost savings. Many mediators are former divorce attorneys who have battled it out in court and know there are saner solutions for all concerned. They care about creating peaceful resolutions.
Learn from the lessons and mistakes of others. If you want to save yourself considerable expense - both emotionally and financially - and if you want your children to thank you when they are grown up for creating a civilized, sensible, harmonious divorce - make the right decisions today. Stay out of court. Stay out of the hands of killer attorneys. Stay in the good graces of your children. Create a Child-Centered Divorce - and reap the rewards for years to come!
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For free articles on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
You're getting divorced and you're angry, resentful, hurt, vindictive or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out, to get back at your spouse or boost your own sense of esteem. Hiring the most aggressive litigious divorce lawyer you can find seems like your smartest choice. Your ex is in for a fight!
If you're a parent who is thinking along those lines, you're making a choice you may long regret.
If you choose a lawyer who directs you straight into a vicious court battle, the costs to you will be insurmountable - not only in financial outlay, but in emotional turmoil as well. Think long and hard before you move your divorce battle into the legal system. It is likely to take its toll on every member of your family - including your children - in the most destructive and gut-wrenching ways. It happens all the time. But it need not happen to you.
When you give your divorce outcome over to the courts, you are paving the way to unimaginable stress and frustration compounded by a sense of powerlessness that is hard to comprehend until you are in its grips. As you stand by and watch attorneys and judges make decisions about your life and your future you can't help but feel violated and helpless. The taste of revenge that you were after can easily turn into anxiety and shock when issues get twisted and victors become victims right before your eyes. The consequences can play out for years, and often decades, to come.
Sadly, your children are not protected from the emotional and psychological repercussions. When custody decisions are made by those who are focused more on financial issues than family issues, children's needs often get pushed aside in favor of other objectives. Relationships, balance and good will are not prime objectives in the battle of divorce, and the scars on your children's psyches are often overlooked in the legal blood-bath that ensues.
There are other ways. Better ways. And more ways than ever before to create a divorce that respects the rights of every one in the family.
Before engaging that "killer" attorney, talk to a Collaborative Divorce attorney who specializes in creating peaceful outcomes without going to court. Collaborative Lawyers are trained to use their own special skills along with the aid of financial planners, therapists, mediators and other resources to bring both sides into conversation about win-win outcomes. Children's needs get high consideration.
Certified Mediators offer another opportunity to create a fair settlement without litigation at a considerable cost savings. Many mediators are former divorce attorneys who have battled it out in court and know there are saner solutions for all concerned. They care about creating peaceful resolutions.
Learn from the lessons and mistakes of others. If you want to save yourself considerable expense - both emotionally and financially - and if you want your children to thank you when they are grown up for creating a civilized, sensible, harmonious divorce - make the right decisions today. Stay out of court. Stay out of the hands of killer attorneys. Stay in the good graces of your children. Create a Child-Centered Divorce - and reap the rewards for years to come!
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For free articles on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
