Teenagers are stepping over the line when they speak disrespectfully or take your stuff without asking.
Another word for the proverbial “line” not to cross is “boundaries.” Defining your boundaries will help an immature child learn how to respond and relate to others. For instance, “We will talk with respect to one another,” or, “We will respect each other’s property.”
But does your teenager know what your boundaries are? I advocate writing down your boundaries and posting them front and center so they are clear, including the associated consequences for stepping over the line, so he also knows the penalty for immature behavior.
Doing so will bring peace to your home and help your teen learn the right way to behave in every relationship.
from "Parenting Today's Teens Radio"
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
End of Month
It is the close of September and business is steady. Know October will be a good month for US here @ ChildSharing
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
ChildSharing Secures New Relationship with Multiple Counties in Washington State
Online Classes and a Host of Resource Tools Assist Washington Family Courts in Offering Online Education for Families Raising Children Between Two Homes.
ChildSharing, Inc. has announced its new relationship with six counties in Washington State today. Klickitat, Skamania, Grant, Ferry, Pend Oreille, Stevens Counties within the State of Washington have all responded to our online co-parenting program as a viable option to their current offering. This relationship will enable ChildSharing, Inc. the ability to offer certified parenting classes throughout these counties. This provides parents greater flexibility and options when selecting a class to suit their needs.
Griff Hopkins, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Development Planners, says “The need for cost-effective educational co-parenting programs in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and families new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
ChildSharing.com provides interactive educational classes, resource articles as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge they need as they transition into their new lives.
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Michelle Muncy in the Marketing office at: 805.550.3663 or michelle@ChildSharing.com.
###
ChildSharing, Inc. has announced its new relationship with six counties in Washington State today. Klickitat, Skamania, Grant, Ferry, Pend Oreille, Stevens Counties within the State of Washington have all responded to our online co-parenting program as a viable option to their current offering. This relationship will enable ChildSharing, Inc. the ability to offer certified parenting classes throughout these counties. This provides parents greater flexibility and options when selecting a class to suit their needs.
Griff Hopkins, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Development Planners, says “The need for cost-effective educational co-parenting programs in today’s economy is ever present. As counties across the nation adopt new processes and procedures and become aware of advancing technologies, we are happy to provide both counties and families new alternatives to meet the changing demand. ChildSharing is a cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the court mandated parent education requirement.”
ChildSharing.com provides interactive educational classes, resource articles as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge they need as they transition into their new lives.
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding its online program should contact Michelle Muncy in the Marketing office at: 805.550.3663 or michelle@ChildSharing.com.
###
Tuesday Sept 29
We are staying busy and great that we can be of benefical to co-parents that need our service.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday
Busy day here. Working on posting ad's with Craiglist and several newpapers. Great way to start off week
Friday, September 25, 2009
Learning more and more each day about co-parenting. As a single parent and what I have instilled with my children I think I have done a good job "sharing" their future with their dad. I am also a step-parent (11yr old) and learned so much about not interferring with "his" parents interactions. Thank you ChildSharing.com
Adultery: Does It Make Any Difference?
Title: Adultery: Does It Make Any Difference?
Author: Dianna J. Gould-Saltman, Esq.
Date: Winter, 1998
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. As we watched the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal unfold in Washington, and as we got the sound bites of the Starr report hot off the presses (or the computer screens), that age-old question arises for family law attorneys: does adultery even matter in family law? We don't know the answer in the 40 other states, but in California, the answer is maybe, but not necessarily in ways you think.
WHAT DOES NO FAULT DIVORCE REALLY MEAN?
Most people are aware that California is a "no fault" divorce state, that is, one is not required to prove that one's spouse has done something "wrong" in order to obtain a divorce. the only two grounds from which to choose to dissolve a marriage here in California is (a). irreconcilable differences have arisen which have caused a complete break down of the marriage; or (b) incurable insanity. While many are tempted to plead the latter (ie. He must have been CRAZY to think he wouldn't get caught!"), it's much more technical than that and most people choose a. Some other states, and California prior to 1970 required "proof" of "fault" (eg. Cruelty, abandonment, adultery, etc.). The result of being the party "at fault" can, in some states, affect the allocation of marital property or the amount or duration of spousal support (alimony). In a "no fault" state, marital infidelity is irrelevant to obtaining a divorce or to the division of property.
Additionally, while California once permitted people to sue for alienation of affection, criminal conversion (spouse stealing), seduction of a person over the age of legal consent and breach of promise to marry, they were done away with some time ago.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN
If an extramarital relationship has carried over after the parties separate, many people wonder whether the fact that the "new girlfriend" or "new boyfriend" is around is reason enough to restrict child custody or visitation. Aside from the anger and embarrassment of the cuckolded spouse, I am frequently asked whether that doesn't confuse the children ("This is contrary to everything we've raised the children to value and believe") and whether, if the new "significant other" spends the night, isn't that teaching the children that sex without marriage is OK, when the parents have always told the children it isn't. The answer is , under the law, the court must make custody orders consistent with the best interests of the children and, unless evidence contradicts the assumption, it is assumed that the children need frequent and continuing contact with each parent. Actually having sex in front of the children is never condoned and shows a gross lack of good judgment. Short of that, while such relationships might be an affront to the dignity of the offended spouse, it is unlikely to have a significant impact on a child custody order.
SO WHERE MIGHT "ADULTEROUS BEHAVIOR" COME INTO PLAY IN FAMILY LAW?
Misappropriation: During marriage each spouse is charged with the duty to manage marital assets (including income) in a way which hopefully benefits, and, at a minimum, does not harm, the family. If one spouse takes money away from the family for a purpose contrary to the family, that is called a misappropriation. Spending community money on a girlfriend or boyfriend, especially expensive gifts, paying for rent or mortgage, or vacations can be deemed a misappropriation for which the "injured" party is entitled to reimbursement for one half of the funds spent, possibly with interest, from the date of the misappropriation.
Interspousal tort. Under non-criminal law, an intentional, unlawful and harmful or offensive contact by one person with the person of another may be considered "battery", for which damages (money) may be assessed. Should an extramarital affair result in the offending party contracting, and giving to the "innocent" party a sexually transmitted disease, that may constitute civil "battery". Such an action might need to be prosecuted in a separate civil action apart from the divorce case, but the two cases can be consolidated upon appropriate motion to the court.
Supported Spouse. Where one spouse is paying spousal support to the other, if the supported spouse thereafter "cohabits" with a member of the opposite sex, there is a rebuttable presumption that the supported person has a decreased need for spousal support. The supported spouse then has the burden of proving continued need. This does NOT, however, affect child support. cohabitation has been defined in cases over the years as being something more than roommates, probably requiring romantic involvement, but not necessarily sexual relations. The income of the new boyfriend or girlfriend or even a new spouse of the payor is irrelevant.
CONCLUSION
Infidelity most affects divorce in the negotiation process. Rarely does infidelity fail to elicit a strong, negative emotional response from the "wronged" spouse. In turn, the party who is engaged in the affair may respond out of guilt, become defensive or turn blame onto the other party again, all strong, negative emotional responses. Strong negative emotions are among the things which make divorces more acrimonious, protracted and painful.
The law will be applied neutrally and there may be little legal detriment to adultery. All actions, however have their consequences, whether around a negotiating table, in a court of law, or on the Senate floor.
**Originally published in the Gould-Saltman Family Law Forum (Winter, 1998). Reprinted with permission.
DIANNA J. GOULD-SALTMAN IS A PARTNER IN THE GOULD-SALTMAN LAW OFFICES, LLP, A FIRM DEDICATED TO THE HIGHEST QUALITY FAMILY LAW MEDIATION AND REPRESENTATION. SHE MAY BE REACHED AT 323-939-8400.
Author: Dianna J. Gould-Saltman, Esq.
Date: Winter, 1998
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT. As we watched the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal unfold in Washington, and as we got the sound bites of the Starr report hot off the presses (or the computer screens), that age-old question arises for family law attorneys: does adultery even matter in family law? We don't know the answer in the 40 other states, but in California, the answer is maybe, but not necessarily in ways you think.
WHAT DOES NO FAULT DIVORCE REALLY MEAN?
Most people are aware that California is a "no fault" divorce state, that is, one is not required to prove that one's spouse has done something "wrong" in order to obtain a divorce. the only two grounds from which to choose to dissolve a marriage here in California is (a). irreconcilable differences have arisen which have caused a complete break down of the marriage; or (b) incurable insanity. While many are tempted to plead the latter (ie. He must have been CRAZY to think he wouldn't get caught!"), it's much more technical than that and most people choose a. Some other states, and California prior to 1970 required "proof" of "fault" (eg. Cruelty, abandonment, adultery, etc.). The result of being the party "at fault" can, in some states, affect the allocation of marital property or the amount or duration of spousal support (alimony). In a "no fault" state, marital infidelity is irrelevant to obtaining a divorce or to the division of property.
Additionally, while California once permitted people to sue for alienation of affection, criminal conversion (spouse stealing), seduction of a person over the age of legal consent and breach of promise to marry, they were done away with some time ago.
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN
If an extramarital relationship has carried over after the parties separate, many people wonder whether the fact that the "new girlfriend" or "new boyfriend" is around is reason enough to restrict child custody or visitation. Aside from the anger and embarrassment of the cuckolded spouse, I am frequently asked whether that doesn't confuse the children ("This is contrary to everything we've raised the children to value and believe") and whether, if the new "significant other" spends the night, isn't that teaching the children that sex without marriage is OK, when the parents have always told the children it isn't. The answer is , under the law, the court must make custody orders consistent with the best interests of the children and, unless evidence contradicts the assumption, it is assumed that the children need frequent and continuing contact with each parent. Actually having sex in front of the children is never condoned and shows a gross lack of good judgment. Short of that, while such relationships might be an affront to the dignity of the offended spouse, it is unlikely to have a significant impact on a child custody order.
SO WHERE MIGHT "ADULTEROUS BEHAVIOR" COME INTO PLAY IN FAMILY LAW?
Misappropriation: During marriage each spouse is charged with the duty to manage marital assets (including income) in a way which hopefully benefits, and, at a minimum, does not harm, the family. If one spouse takes money away from the family for a purpose contrary to the family, that is called a misappropriation. Spending community money on a girlfriend or boyfriend, especially expensive gifts, paying for rent or mortgage, or vacations can be deemed a misappropriation for which the "injured" party is entitled to reimbursement for one half of the funds spent, possibly with interest, from the date of the misappropriation.
Interspousal tort. Under non-criminal law, an intentional, unlawful and harmful or offensive contact by one person with the person of another may be considered "battery", for which damages (money) may be assessed. Should an extramarital affair result in the offending party contracting, and giving to the "innocent" party a sexually transmitted disease, that may constitute civil "battery". Such an action might need to be prosecuted in a separate civil action apart from the divorce case, but the two cases can be consolidated upon appropriate motion to the court.
Supported Spouse. Where one spouse is paying spousal support to the other, if the supported spouse thereafter "cohabits" with a member of the opposite sex, there is a rebuttable presumption that the supported person has a decreased need for spousal support. The supported spouse then has the burden of proving continued need. This does NOT, however, affect child support. cohabitation has been defined in cases over the years as being something more than roommates, probably requiring romantic involvement, but not necessarily sexual relations. The income of the new boyfriend or girlfriend or even a new spouse of the payor is irrelevant.
CONCLUSION
Infidelity most affects divorce in the negotiation process. Rarely does infidelity fail to elicit a strong, negative emotional response from the "wronged" spouse. In turn, the party who is engaged in the affair may respond out of guilt, become defensive or turn blame onto the other party again, all strong, negative emotional responses. Strong negative emotions are among the things which make divorces more acrimonious, protracted and painful.
The law will be applied neutrally and there may be little legal detriment to adultery. All actions, however have their consequences, whether around a negotiating table, in a court of law, or on the Senate floor.
**Originally published in the Gould-Saltman Family Law Forum (Winter, 1998). Reprinted with permission.
DIANNA J. GOULD-SALTMAN IS A PARTNER IN THE GOULD-SALTMAN LAW OFFICES, LLP, A FIRM DEDICATED TO THE HIGHEST QUALITY FAMILY LAW MEDIATION AND REPRESENTATION. SHE MAY BE REACHED AT 323-939-8400.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
In California, justice takes a day off
The state's chief justice says shutting down the courts one day a month will be a burden -- and a test of our ability to deal with fiscal crisis.
* Related
*
Discuss Ronald M. George's Sept. 14 Op-Ed article.
By Ronald M. George
September 14, 2009Starting Sept. 16, the largest court system in the nation will be closing the doors of courthouses across the state one day each month. On Wednesday, an estimated 3 million cases will be delayed, 150 jury trials interrupted and 250 child custody cases unheard. Jails will be more crowded as arraignment and release dates are postponed; attorneys and their clients will be inconvenienced, as will jurors; and the public will experience longer lines, more delays and more crowded courtrooms.
Wednesday is the first of 10 monthly statewide closure days (uniformly the third Wednesday of each month) authorized by the Judicial Council, the constitutionally created body that administers California's court system. As in many other states, the council was created in the 1920s, an outgrowth of the Progressive movement, which sought to make government more efficient, more effective and more accountable. The mission of the council today remains largely unchanged: to ensure the consistent, impartial and accessible administration of justice in the state.
Why then is the council, a body created to protect and increase access to justice in California, allowing our courts to close for even one day a month?
California's economic crisis has affected government at all levels and in nearly every area of service, as well as every aspect of private life and business. For seven months, Californians have endured the effects of mandatory furloughs for many state workers, first two days a month and now three. But courts are not state agencies. And courthouses -- known earlier in our history as "temples of justice" -- are not just office buildings; they are the repository of our fundamental commitment to justice for all. The unintended yet inevitable symbolism of "Closed" signs on institutions that embody our democratic ideals is yet another tragic indicator of the severity of California's economic crisis.
The Judicial Council, with express authorization from the Legislature and the governor, made the difficult decision to close courts one day a month to avoid even more damaging consequences of reductions in the judicial branch's budget. This course of action was taken with great reluctance at an emergency public meeting in July, after substantial input from local courts and after months of examining alternatives. In the end, court closures proved to be the only rational option available to address budget realities while protecting skilled employees from massive layoffs, maintaining a consistent level of court services for litigants and their lawyers, and preserving equal access to justice. Indeed, the Superior Court of Los Angeles County had already concluded that closures were inevitable and in July became the first court in the state to implement monthly closures.
At the emergency meeting, I pledged to reduce my own salary to share in the sacrifice we are asking of the majority of the 21,000 men and women who work in the California judicial branch. I also encouraged my judicial colleagues across the state -- more than 1,600 trial judges and an additional 111 appellate justices -- to join me in voluntarily waiving their salaries for one day a month or donating a portion of their salaries to support court operations. I am gratified to report that a very high percentage of the judges in the state have pledged to either participate in the waiver or to make private donations to their respective courts. As The Times recently reported, that figure is exceptionally high in Los Angeles, where 423 of the 430 judges are participating in voluntary pay reductions.
At this critical juncture in our state's history, even as the judicial branch is forced to close courts one day a month, the state court system itself remains stronger and better able to deliver on the promise of equal justice under law because of the many changes we have made in the last several years. In the years I have served as California's chief justice and chairman of the Judicial Council, the judicial branch has undergone the most significant structural reforms in our state's history.
The court reforms of recent years rival those of the Progressive era and will exceed them in the benefits they provide to the public. Legislation in 1997 that allowed for statewide funding of the trial courts addressed historic inequities in the quality of justice dispensed among California's 58 counties. In 1998, California voters approved an amendment to the state Constitution to permit the unification of the 220 Superior and Municipal courts into 58 trial courts -- one in each county. Unification has allowed greater flexibility in the use of judicial and staff resources, eliminated duplicative services and led to the creation of additional services for the public, such as collaborative justice courts, domestic violence courts, drug courts and complex litigation courts. Finally, the Trial Court Facilities Act of 2002 called for the transfer of responsibility for court facilities from the counties to the state. This allowed the judicial branch for the first time to assume responsibility for the buildings in which judges and court staff work and the public is served, and to do so economically and effectively. To date, 503 (more than 90%) of our court structures have been transferred to the state's ownership under judicial branch management.
These historic changes and the growing responsibilities of the council have been a means to an end. They have strengthened the judiciary as a coequal and independent branch of government and secured the system of checks and balances essential to a robust democracy. They have addressed budget inequities among trial courts around the state. They have improved our branch's accountability to our sister branches of government for the financial appropriations provided to the courts. And ultimately they have enhanced equal access to justice and provided a greater degree of accountability.
One irony of the current crisis is that it restricts court services at a time when the need for them is increasing. The economic downturn has produced a sharp spike in civil filings, especially in the areas of contract and unlawful detainer, which includes evictions. This increase has more than offset a small decline in criminal filings. What this means to judges and court staff is that we are asking them to do more with less. What this means for all Californians is that we must provide adequate resources for courts to resolve disputes in an orderly manner, or suffer the consequences of being unable to meet the public's needs.
When I served as a trial judge in Los Angeles during the 1970s and '80s, California was still in its age of abundance. Today we are in a far more challenging time. The fiscal crisis in our state will have profound effects on many aspects of public service, including the courts, in the next fiscal year and for several years to come. I am committed to protecting the public from the full impact of further reductions in court services, and from any decline in the high quality of justice that so many have worked so long to achieve.
My hope is that as we are tested by this crisis, all of us -- state government officers, justices and judges, court employees and Californians everywhere -- will join together in meeting these challenges. How we proceed will tell us a great deal about the prospects for our state in the years ahead.
Ronald M. George is chief justice of California and chairman of the state Judicial Council.
Copyright © 2009, The Los Angeles Times
* Related
*
Discuss Ronald M. George's Sept. 14 Op-Ed article.
By Ronald M. George
September 14, 2009Starting Sept. 16, the largest court system in the nation will be closing the doors of courthouses across the state one day each month. On Wednesday, an estimated 3 million cases will be delayed, 150 jury trials interrupted and 250 child custody cases unheard. Jails will be more crowded as arraignment and release dates are postponed; attorneys and their clients will be inconvenienced, as will jurors; and the public will experience longer lines, more delays and more crowded courtrooms.
Wednesday is the first of 10 monthly statewide closure days (uniformly the third Wednesday of each month) authorized by the Judicial Council, the constitutionally created body that administers California's court system. As in many other states, the council was created in the 1920s, an outgrowth of the Progressive movement, which sought to make government more efficient, more effective and more accountable. The mission of the council today remains largely unchanged: to ensure the consistent, impartial and accessible administration of justice in the state.
Why then is the council, a body created to protect and increase access to justice in California, allowing our courts to close for even one day a month?
California's economic crisis has affected government at all levels and in nearly every area of service, as well as every aspect of private life and business. For seven months, Californians have endured the effects of mandatory furloughs for many state workers, first two days a month and now three. But courts are not state agencies. And courthouses -- known earlier in our history as "temples of justice" -- are not just office buildings; they are the repository of our fundamental commitment to justice for all. The unintended yet inevitable symbolism of "Closed" signs on institutions that embody our democratic ideals is yet another tragic indicator of the severity of California's economic crisis.
The Judicial Council, with express authorization from the Legislature and the governor, made the difficult decision to close courts one day a month to avoid even more damaging consequences of reductions in the judicial branch's budget. This course of action was taken with great reluctance at an emergency public meeting in July, after substantial input from local courts and after months of examining alternatives. In the end, court closures proved to be the only rational option available to address budget realities while protecting skilled employees from massive layoffs, maintaining a consistent level of court services for litigants and their lawyers, and preserving equal access to justice. Indeed, the Superior Court of Los Angeles County had already concluded that closures were inevitable and in July became the first court in the state to implement monthly closures.
At the emergency meeting, I pledged to reduce my own salary to share in the sacrifice we are asking of the majority of the 21,000 men and women who work in the California judicial branch. I also encouraged my judicial colleagues across the state -- more than 1,600 trial judges and an additional 111 appellate justices -- to join me in voluntarily waiving their salaries for one day a month or donating a portion of their salaries to support court operations. I am gratified to report that a very high percentage of the judges in the state have pledged to either participate in the waiver or to make private donations to their respective courts. As The Times recently reported, that figure is exceptionally high in Los Angeles, where 423 of the 430 judges are participating in voluntary pay reductions.
At this critical juncture in our state's history, even as the judicial branch is forced to close courts one day a month, the state court system itself remains stronger and better able to deliver on the promise of equal justice under law because of the many changes we have made in the last several years. In the years I have served as California's chief justice and chairman of the Judicial Council, the judicial branch has undergone the most significant structural reforms in our state's history.
The court reforms of recent years rival those of the Progressive era and will exceed them in the benefits they provide to the public. Legislation in 1997 that allowed for statewide funding of the trial courts addressed historic inequities in the quality of justice dispensed among California's 58 counties. In 1998, California voters approved an amendment to the state Constitution to permit the unification of the 220 Superior and Municipal courts into 58 trial courts -- one in each county. Unification has allowed greater flexibility in the use of judicial and staff resources, eliminated duplicative services and led to the creation of additional services for the public, such as collaborative justice courts, domestic violence courts, drug courts and complex litigation courts. Finally, the Trial Court Facilities Act of 2002 called for the transfer of responsibility for court facilities from the counties to the state. This allowed the judicial branch for the first time to assume responsibility for the buildings in which judges and court staff work and the public is served, and to do so economically and effectively. To date, 503 (more than 90%) of our court structures have been transferred to the state's ownership under judicial branch management.
These historic changes and the growing responsibilities of the council have been a means to an end. They have strengthened the judiciary as a coequal and independent branch of government and secured the system of checks and balances essential to a robust democracy. They have addressed budget inequities among trial courts around the state. They have improved our branch's accountability to our sister branches of government for the financial appropriations provided to the courts. And ultimately they have enhanced equal access to justice and provided a greater degree of accountability.
One irony of the current crisis is that it restricts court services at a time when the need for them is increasing. The economic downturn has produced a sharp spike in civil filings, especially in the areas of contract and unlawful detainer, which includes evictions. This increase has more than offset a small decline in criminal filings. What this means to judges and court staff is that we are asking them to do more with less. What this means for all Californians is that we must provide adequate resources for courts to resolve disputes in an orderly manner, or suffer the consequences of being unable to meet the public's needs.
When I served as a trial judge in Los Angeles during the 1970s and '80s, California was still in its age of abundance. Today we are in a far more challenging time. The fiscal crisis in our state will have profound effects on many aspects of public service, including the courts, in the next fiscal year and for several years to come. I am committed to protecting the public from the full impact of further reductions in court services, and from any decline in the high quality of justice that so many have worked so long to achieve.
My hope is that as we are tested by this crisis, all of us -- state government officers, justices and judges, court employees and Californians everywhere -- will join together in meeting these challenges. How we proceed will tell us a great deal about the prospects for our state in the years ahead.
Ronald M. George is chief justice of California and chairman of the state Judicial Council.
Copyright © 2009, The Los Angeles Times
Friday, September 11, 2009
Surviving Arsenic Hour - by Dr. Laura Markham
Surviving Arsenic Hour
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
Every mother knows arsenic hour, when hunger, homework, and exhaustion merge into one big emotional accident waiting to happen. One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired, whether they've been home with you or out at school.
It's also classic for kids who are at daycare or school all day to lose it when they're reunited with you. It's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges, disappointments and rules. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom. Be ready to be emotionally present for your kids, and you'll stave off some meltdowns and set a pleasant tone for the evening. How?
1. If you can manage it, change into your jeans before you leave the office. I know, it sounds crazy. But the minute you do, you begin to relax. And make sure to use the bathroom before you leave the office! What if you've been home with little ones all day? Steal five minutes to wash your face, have a cup of tea, and do nothing. Really, nothing.
2. Then, before you pick up your kids, sit in the car for five minutes by yourself. Put on a soothing tape. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself what a good job you did all day. Think of one nice thing you can do for yourself this evening (A glass of wine with your husband? A hot bubble bath? Call an old friend? Go to bed early?) and promise yourself that present tonight. Acknowledge that after the kids go to sleep is your time, this next few hours is "kid time." Then, get in touch with how much you love your kids and how much you want a nice connection with them. Once you've filled your own cup, you'll find you have a lot more to offer your kids.
3. Give your kids lots of hugs and "pre-emptive" attention when you pick them up. When your kids get in the car, turn off the radio and focus on them. Make a ritual of starting with the youngest, and ask them about their days. Be sure to ask open-ended questions to get them talking while you drive. You'll find your kids will come to love this ritual and wait for their turn with great anticipation.
4. Keep your kids with you when you walk into the kitchen to start dinner. Why? Because they haven't seen you all day and they need to reconnect with you. Until they do, they're much harder to manage, and much more likely to fight with each other. They're also more likely to get into trouble while you're preoccupied with getting dinner on the table -- most pediatricians will tell you that kids have more accidents at this time of day. And using TV will just rev them up more, when they're already overstimulated from being tired (which means they have stress hormones coursing through their veins -- that's how kids manage to get through the afternoon when they're tired, and it's what makes them so cranky and often hyperactive at this time of day.) Instead, start a routine of sitting your kids down at a little table in the kitchen with a snack to draw if they're toddlers or preschoolers. If they're older, they can sit at the kitchen table and do homework while they snack.
5. Put healthy snacks in front of the kids as soon as you walk in the door. Set up a low table in the kitchen that your kids can sit at and draw and snack. Worried that you'll spoil their appetites? Make sure the snacks are healthy. Carrots, olives, cheese slices, broccoli florets, raisins, crackers with peanut butter, bananas, apple slices, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, red pepper slices, raw or cooked green beans, hard boiled eggs, even a healthy smoothie.....anything nutritious that takes less than five minutes to prepare. In fact, think of this snack as the first course of dinner, and make sure your kids are getting protein or vitamins from it. It's amazing how many more vegies kids consume when they're served as a snack rather than competing with the carbs on the dinner plate. Don't forget to feed yourself a bit as you prep dinner, so you recharge your own batteries.
6. Are your kids antsy, not able to sit in one place to draw and snack? Put them to work and tell them how much you value their help. As you chop the vegies, they can put them in the bowl. Or they can get ingredients out of the fridge for you. When it's time to eat, have everyone set the table together.
7. What to do when your youngest is a baby or toddler who is just too tired even to sit and snack in a high chair? Get out the baby backpack and let her watch over your shoulder as you make dinner.
8. Simplify. Don't answer the phone and don't return phone calls before dinner. Don't go through the mail or complete school forms. Do not turn on your computer to "quickly check email." Just get everyone fed as soon as possible. Once that's completed, everyone will have more internal resources to draw on to tend to any other tasks that need to be accomplished, including any kid chores.
9. Use the power of music. Research shows that music can lift our moods, calm us down, make us happy. As soon as you walk in the door, put on soothing music.
10. As a matter of simple survival, don't spend more than 20 minutes getting dinner on the table. Anything that's quick and nutritious is fine to serve for dinner on weeknights. When you cook a meal on the weekend, always cook several batches and freeze some (Stews, soups, beans, lasagna, casseroles.) You should be able to get out a frozen meal twice a week before you leave for work, and just add a salad and bread that evening as the meal is heating. The other three meals? Pasta, eggs, and broiled fish or meat. If your gourmet sensibilities are offended by this simplicity, think about what's more important -- an easy, happy family evening, or a gourmet meal. You can always cook on weekends when you have all day and (hopefully) adult backup.
I know it seems like extra work to cook and plan ahead. But the daily stress of being hungry and not knowing what you'll serve hungry kids for dinner can ruin your life and sabotage everything positive you do with your kids. If you're more of a free spirit, you don't have to plan, just look in your freezer every morning. If you can't find anything, make the decision right then: Will you order pizza or make scrambled eggs?
11. Feed young kids as early as possible. Seriously, why wait? They're starving. They're tired. You need to get on with their baths and get them to bed. Why not feed little ones at 5:30pm, 5pm, even 4:30pm? What if one spouse can't get home until later and the kids are too young to wait? Feed the kids early. Finish homework, bathe everyone. When the other spouse gets home, everyone can sit down for Happy Hour together. Serve fresh fruit to the kids while Mom or Dad eats. (Or maybe both parents eat at this point.) That way, kids get some experience with family meals even during the week, and get to connect with both parents, but they get fed at a developmentally appropriate hour, they have time for a soothing bath, and they get to bed on time.
Dr. Laura Markham. All rights reserved - http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour
Posted: ChildSharing.com
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