Carson City, Nevada (PRWEB) April 05, 2012
ChildSharing.com Online High Conflict Programs meet necessary requirements for placement on the Los Angeles Superior Court's Parent Education Referral List.
ChildSharing.com online programs recently secured approval on the Los Angeles Superior Court's Parent Education Referral List for High Conflict Parents. ChildSharing.com has been successfully offering online Co-Parenting Programs to Los Angeles County for the past year and adding High Conflict Programs will allow additional options for parents mandated to attend one or more parent programs.
An estimated 20% of the one million divorces each year in the U.S. involve high-conflict relationships. ChildSharing.com offers an alternative way to educate families in high conflict situations. Emotional and angry disputes related to custody, parenting time, child support payments, visitation and other issues may go on for years and ChildSharing.com online anger management classes allows parents to examine what triggers their anger, strategies for managing their anger, alternate ways for expressing their anger and the consequences of anger. ChildSharing.com strives encourage families to get along in a positive and healthy manor. Online programs are designed to educate parents and families on what they can do to in order to better parent and co-parent in order to increase the parent/child relationship and sustain long term family relationships.
"We are excited to be working with LA County and offer conflict resolution and anger management programs to parents within the Los Angeles County area,” stated Lori LaVigne, Education Director for ChildSharing.com. “Conflict is a healthy and important factor in personal growth, but it is essential to understand 'Danger vs. Opportunity'. Our innovative online programs review the reality that conflict exists and how to resolve it in order to successfully sustain healthy relationships."
ChildShairng.com online programs start at $39.99. Anger Management for Co-Parents offers 8 and 10 hour option and are a convenient and flexible way for parents in high conflict situations to comply with court ordered mandates in an effort to keep their families functioning peacefully. Classes are available in multiple languages. Discounts are also available to low-income families and military.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to better educating and supporting families. ChildSharing.com classes are accepted in over 600 counties across the country and works with experts in an effort to properly educate families in transition. For more information on our experts, or for additional questions regarding ChildSharing, Inc., visit ChildSharing.com.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thanksgiving doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect
"It's especially important during the holidays to remember that aiming for a PERFECT holiday ritual is actually a bad goal. Not only is perfection impossible and striving for it adds stress, but honestly, the holidays families remember most fondly are those when the dog ate the cake, or everybody got the flu on Thanksgiving. Play it loose, have a sense of humor..." -- Meg Cox
Are you trying to figure out how to get everything done this week? Or how to go beyond delicious food and family time (or mere gluttony!) to add some meaning and gratitude in between courses? I'm the first to trumpet the benefit to our kids -- and ourselves -- of rituals, and of learning the habit of gratitude. And you'll find plenty of ideas on the Aha! website to add meaning and Aha! moments to your family's Thanksgiving.
But my plea to you this week is to remember that perfection is not attainable, but something better is. Yes, you guessed it. Love. (Been reading these posts, huh? I'm honored.)
As Charles Henderson says, "Thanksgiving involves an act of the will. It's not a question of pretending that everything is bright and beautiful when you know its not. To give thanks is to stand up in the face of the storm and declare that life is worth living."
So maybe perfection isn't the goal. Maybe what's perfect is finding what's meaningful, what makes life worth living. Which might be another word for gratitude.
You know those moments when pandemonium reigns, and your kids are spinning out of control, and your difficult relative is acting, well, difficult, and you have to choose between those visions of a storybook Thanksgiving versus grabbing your kids and getting them outside for some old fashioned fresh air before everyone loses their mind? There's not really a choice. Give up on perfection and go for love.
Storybook holidays are limited to storybooks. Real parents get reality parenting, complete with cranky kids, messy kitchens, and store-bought pie. But extraordinary moments often masquerade as ordinary life. So look around the pandemonium and remind yourself to be grateful for every minute you get to spend with your children as they grow. For me, there's no gratitude deeper than that.
Dr. Laura Markham
Are you trying to figure out how to get everything done this week? Or how to go beyond delicious food and family time (or mere gluttony!) to add some meaning and gratitude in between courses? I'm the first to trumpet the benefit to our kids -- and ourselves -- of rituals, and of learning the habit of gratitude. And you'll find plenty of ideas on the Aha! website to add meaning and Aha! moments to your family's Thanksgiving.
But my plea to you this week is to remember that perfection is not attainable, but something better is. Yes, you guessed it. Love. (Been reading these posts, huh? I'm honored.)
As Charles Henderson says, "Thanksgiving involves an act of the will. It's not a question of pretending that everything is bright and beautiful when you know its not. To give thanks is to stand up in the face of the storm and declare that life is worth living."
So maybe perfection isn't the goal. Maybe what's perfect is finding what's meaningful, what makes life worth living. Which might be another word for gratitude.
You know those moments when pandemonium reigns, and your kids are spinning out of control, and your difficult relative is acting, well, difficult, and you have to choose between those visions of a storybook Thanksgiving versus grabbing your kids and getting them outside for some old fashioned fresh air before everyone loses their mind? There's not really a choice. Give up on perfection and go for love.
Storybook holidays are limited to storybooks. Real parents get reality parenting, complete with cranky kids, messy kitchens, and store-bought pie. But extraordinary moments often masquerade as ordinary life. So look around the pandemonium and remind yourself to be grateful for every minute you get to spend with your children as they grow. For me, there's no gratitude deeper than that.
Dr. Laura Markham
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Does a Child's Gender Correlate With the Divorce Rate? This Study Says Yes!
A recent study shows that parents are somewhat more likely to get divorced -- if their first child is a girl! So says an article written by veteran newspaper editor and reporter Don Moore, recently retired from the Port Charlotte, FL Sun-Herald. He talks about a report produced by Dr. Enrico Moretti, an economics professor at the University of California, Berkeley and Dr. Gordon Dahl, professor of economics at the University of California, San Diego.
Their report, "The Demand for Sons," appeared in a recent edition of "The Review of Economic Studies." Your divorce rate increases approximately four percent if you have a daughter as a first child instead of a son," Moretti says.
"We did compare families who had two daughters with families that had two sons. What we discovered was that a couple with two daughters is more likely to have a third child trying to have a son," Moretti explained.
The professor said he didn't believe there is any difference between races, but it's hard to compare divorce rates across races.
He also added that, "Women whose first child is a boy are four percent more likely to remain married than those whose first child is a girl. In general, the better the woman's education, the later the fertility, the lower the divorce rate."
The 50-page study on gender and divorce also found that a first-born daughter is significantly less likely to be living with their father compared to a first-born son.
The three reasons for this conclusion include:
1. Women who have daughters first are less likely to be married.
2. Parents with first born daughters are more likely to be divorced.
3. Fathers are more likely to obtain custody of a son than a daughter.
"The effect is quantitatively substantial, accounting for a 3.1 percent lower probability of a resident father for families with a first-born girl. We estimate that in any given year (in the U.S.) roughly 52,000 first-born daughters under the age of 12 would have had a resident father if they had been boys," the report says.
The article says there are other statistical differences caused by families with first-born daughters. These families have lower incomes and higher poverty rates. "For children in families with an absentee father due to the first-born daughter effect, family income is reduced by 50 percent and the chances of poverty are increased by 34 percent. Notably, children whose first-born sibling is a girl have lower educational achievement," the study indicates.
Professor Alan Booth, a professor of sociology, human development and demography at Pennsylvania State University, generally agreed with most of Moretti's and Dahl's findings. "I know this to be true. Families that have a boy as a first child are more likely to stay together than if their first child is a female," Professor Booth said. "Gender bias in the U.S. favors boys."
According to Dr. Booth, one of the reasons married couples prefer boys in the U.S. is that when they grow up they are more likely to make more money than girls. Another factor affecting economics is that couples whose first two children are girls are more likely to have a third child than if they have two boys.
This may come as a surprise to many of us who thought that gender bias on this level was unlikely in America. Dr. Booth does go on to say, "More recently the gender preference in the U.S. is beginning to be more positive for girls. This is because there are more women in the labor force today, women are more independent today than they once were, and women's attitudes are less traditional and there are also other factors involved."
I don't know if any of these statistics are relevant to the divorces of any of my readers. But I thought I'd share this as a point for conversation and introspection. Would your marital circumstances be any different today had your children been of a different gender? Would your relationship have been different? What about your financial circumstances? Something to contemplate.
As always, I welcome your feedback.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca,CCT is a Certified Corporate Trainer and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! which can be found at http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Her free articles and ezine are available at www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Copyright Rosalind Sedacca 2009
Their report, "The Demand for Sons," appeared in a recent edition of "The Review of Economic Studies." Your divorce rate increases approximately four percent if you have a daughter as a first child instead of a son," Moretti says.
"We did compare families who had two daughters with families that had two sons. What we discovered was that a couple with two daughters is more likely to have a third child trying to have a son," Moretti explained.
The professor said he didn't believe there is any difference between races, but it's hard to compare divorce rates across races.
He also added that, "Women whose first child is a boy are four percent more likely to remain married than those whose first child is a girl. In general, the better the woman's education, the later the fertility, the lower the divorce rate."
The 50-page study on gender and divorce also found that a first-born daughter is significantly less likely to be living with their father compared to a first-born son.
The three reasons for this conclusion include:
1. Women who have daughters first are less likely to be married.
2. Parents with first born daughters are more likely to be divorced.
3. Fathers are more likely to obtain custody of a son than a daughter.
"The effect is quantitatively substantial, accounting for a 3.1 percent lower probability of a resident father for families with a first-born girl. We estimate that in any given year (in the U.S.) roughly 52,000 first-born daughters under the age of 12 would have had a resident father if they had been boys," the report says.
The article says there are other statistical differences caused by families with first-born daughters. These families have lower incomes and higher poverty rates. "For children in families with an absentee father due to the first-born daughter effect, family income is reduced by 50 percent and the chances of poverty are increased by 34 percent. Notably, children whose first-born sibling is a girl have lower educational achievement," the study indicates.
Professor Alan Booth, a professor of sociology, human development and demography at Pennsylvania State University, generally agreed with most of Moretti's and Dahl's findings. "I know this to be true. Families that have a boy as a first child are more likely to stay together than if their first child is a female," Professor Booth said. "Gender bias in the U.S. favors boys."
According to Dr. Booth, one of the reasons married couples prefer boys in the U.S. is that when they grow up they are more likely to make more money than girls. Another factor affecting economics is that couples whose first two children are girls are more likely to have a third child than if they have two boys.
This may come as a surprise to many of us who thought that gender bias on this level was unlikely in America. Dr. Booth does go on to say, "More recently the gender preference in the U.S. is beginning to be more positive for girls. This is because there are more women in the labor force today, women are more independent today than they once were, and women's attitudes are less traditional and there are also other factors involved."
I don't know if any of these statistics are relevant to the divorces of any of my readers. But I thought I'd share this as a point for conversation and introspection. Would your marital circumstances be any different today had your children been of a different gender? Would your relationship have been different? What about your financial circumstances? Something to contemplate.
As always, I welcome your feedback.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca,CCT is a Certified Corporate Trainer and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! which can be found at http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Her free articles and ezine are available at www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Copyright Rosalind Sedacca 2009
Thursday, October 20, 2011
ChildSharing Introduces its Newest Course: Anger Management for Co-Parents
ChildSharing, Inc. is pleased to announce the release of their newest course, Anger Management for Co-Parents. This 8-hour program is designed to help divorced or separated parents manage their anger while coping with divorce and parenting issues. It is available for parents who are court-mandated to take the course as well as for those who want to access the material for their own benefit.
The new on-line class is easy to read and comprehend. It includes video segments that illuminate typical challenges co-parents face during and after a divorce. Topics included range from understanding the effect of anger on others to learning alternative communication skills to how to handle anger more productively. Every segment provides advice, tips, resources and skills that are immediately usable offered in a non-judgmental, compassionate format followed by insightful quizzes at the end of each chapter.
The course is self-paced and can be broken down into sections that are completed at the attendee’s convenience. After passing the multiple choice questions in the Final Exam, a completion certificate will be issued and also sent to the court.
The Anger Management for Co-Parents class was created by licensed mental health counselor Amy Sherman, LMHC and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT on behalf of ChildSharing.
ChildSharing.com launched in late 2008 and provides interactive co-parenting classes, family law information as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge and resources they need as they transition through divorce into their new lives.
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s President, says “We are proud to be launching this newest ChildSharing course at this time. Courts around the nation have requesting this material from us and we know it will be a valuable resource for enhancing co-parenting success for many families. This course is another cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the growing need for court-mandated parent education requirements.”
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
Parents interested in accessing the course will find it at http://www.childsharing.com. The 8-hour on-line class costs $159.99.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc. and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the new Anger Management course should contact Michelle Muncy at michelle@childsharing.com or 805-550-3663. Rosalind Sedacca can be reached at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com and Amy Sherman can be reached at amybethsherman@gmail.com.
The new on-line class is easy to read and comprehend. It includes video segments that illuminate typical challenges co-parents face during and after a divorce. Topics included range from understanding the effect of anger on others to learning alternative communication skills to how to handle anger more productively. Every segment provides advice, tips, resources and skills that are immediately usable offered in a non-judgmental, compassionate format followed by insightful quizzes at the end of each chapter.
The course is self-paced and can be broken down into sections that are completed at the attendee’s convenience. After passing the multiple choice questions in the Final Exam, a completion certificate will be issued and also sent to the court.
The Anger Management for Co-Parents class was created by licensed mental health counselor Amy Sherman, LMHC and founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT on behalf of ChildSharing.
ChildSharing.com launched in late 2008 and provides interactive co-parenting classes, family law information as well as county-specific details to provide families with the knowledge and resources they need as they transition through divorce into their new lives.
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s President, says “We are proud to be launching this newest ChildSharing course at this time. Courts around the nation have requesting this material from us and we know it will be a valuable resource for enhancing co-parenting success for many families. This course is another cost effective and efficient solution to meeting the growing need for court-mandated parent education requirements.”
ChildSharing, Inc. is rapidly gaining attention throughout the country because of its innovative approach to disseminating divorce-related content. ChildSharing provides economic relief to the demand on county resources so they may provide education to parents who may not have otherwise received it. The entire program is built for the counties, at no cost to them, to integrate and offer to their residents.
Parents interested in accessing the course will find it at http://www.childsharing.com. The 8-hour on-line class costs $159.99.
About ChildSharing, Inc.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with divorce. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and other resources for educating families in transition. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc. and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in scheduling an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the new Anger Management course should contact Michelle Muncy at michelle@childsharing.com or 805-550-3663. Rosalind Sedacca can be reached at Rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com and Amy Sherman can be reached at amybethsherman@gmail.com.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Advice for Co-Parents and Single Parents After Divorce
Advice for Co-Parents and Single Parents After Divorce
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
A friend of mine, Nancy Michaels, a women I respect in many ways, shared a personal story in one of her blog posts:
At the lowest period in my life about three years ago, after a painful separation from my husband, a life-threatening illness, custody loss of my children, and having to return to my parents' home for them to take care of me - my father said this on a particularly bad day, "Nancy, the only thing you have to do today is get better. Don't worry about anything else."
As simple as those two sentences are, it was exactly what I needed to hear and I started feeling grateful that that truly was my one and only responsibility. If I got better, the rest would fall in place. Thankfully, it has, Dad.
I know Nancy is not alone. There are days - yes, weeks and months - when life can seem awfully low. Often overbearing. The weight can seem just too much to carry. Life changes related to divorce frequently play a part in these circumstances. And when you're a parent at the same time ... well, you know how it feels!
Just know, as well, that you're not alone. Parenting is tough for everyone, even under the best of circumstances. Parenting through and beyond divorce takes enormous focus and a continuous need for compassion, both for yourself and your children. If you take it day by day, you will find the strength and even the wisdom to make decisions that tap into your innate wisdom and love for your children.
But it's also essential to parent and nurture yourself at the same time. Take a tip from the airlines when they instruct you to put your oxygen mask on first before providing oxygen to your children. You need to be alert and functioning well before you can make decisions on behalf of the children who matter so deeply to you.
So get the help you need to recharge, de-stress and unwind from time to time. Share your frustrations with a caring friend or a compassionate counselor who specializes in divorce issues. Join a support group for divorced Moms or Dads. Reach out to churches or other spiritual resources that empower you. Treat yourself to a massage, concert, evening out, weekend away from the kids or other activity that energizes your psyche.
Don't suffer or brood alone. We all need help, support and encouragement from an outside source that we respect. We can't always give it to ourselves - but we can and must let others know when we need a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter for an occasional indulgence or a team of reinforcement when the burden of moving on feels too heavy.
And keep my friend Nancy's advice in mind. Sometimes all you need is to take care of yourself for a day - and you'll have the clearer perspective you need to make sound decisions on behalf of your children. Whether you're a divorced co-parent or single parent, remember your first obligation is to parent yourself with loving compassion. Your family will thank you!
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!. For free articles, her blog, coaching, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
A friend of mine, Nancy Michaels, a women I respect in many ways, shared a personal story in one of her blog posts:
At the lowest period in my life about three years ago, after a painful separation from my husband, a life-threatening illness, custody loss of my children, and having to return to my parents' home for them to take care of me - my father said this on a particularly bad day, "Nancy, the only thing you have to do today is get better. Don't worry about anything else."
As simple as those two sentences are, it was exactly what I needed to hear and I started feeling grateful that that truly was my one and only responsibility. If I got better, the rest would fall in place. Thankfully, it has, Dad.
I know Nancy is not alone. There are days - yes, weeks and months - when life can seem awfully low. Often overbearing. The weight can seem just too much to carry. Life changes related to divorce frequently play a part in these circumstances. And when you're a parent at the same time ... well, you know how it feels!
Just know, as well, that you're not alone. Parenting is tough for everyone, even under the best of circumstances. Parenting through and beyond divorce takes enormous focus and a continuous need for compassion, both for yourself and your children. If you take it day by day, you will find the strength and even the wisdom to make decisions that tap into your innate wisdom and love for your children.
But it's also essential to parent and nurture yourself at the same time. Take a tip from the airlines when they instruct you to put your oxygen mask on first before providing oxygen to your children. You need to be alert and functioning well before you can make decisions on behalf of the children who matter so deeply to you.
So get the help you need to recharge, de-stress and unwind from time to time. Share your frustrations with a caring friend or a compassionate counselor who specializes in divorce issues. Join a support group for divorced Moms or Dads. Reach out to churches or other spiritual resources that empower you. Treat yourself to a massage, concert, evening out, weekend away from the kids or other activity that energizes your psyche.
Don't suffer or brood alone. We all need help, support and encouragement from an outside source that we respect. We can't always give it to ourselves - but we can and must let others know when we need a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter for an occasional indulgence or a team of reinforcement when the burden of moving on feels too heavy.
And keep my friend Nancy's advice in mind. Sometimes all you need is to take care of yourself for a day - and you'll have the clearer perspective you need to make sound decisions on behalf of your children. Whether you're a divorced co-parent or single parent, remember your first obligation is to parent yourself with loving compassion. Your family will thank you!
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!. For free articles, her blog, coaching, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Divorce Poll Results for Boomers Shows Need for Coping & Communication Skills
Divorce Poll Results for Boomers Shows Need for Coping & Communication Skills
A first-of-its-kind national poll to determine if a consensus exists about how divorced baby boomers are holding up was conducted by the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and the Baby Boomer [Knowledge Center].
Participants in the poll were asked three fundamental questions about the divorce process, their relationship with their "former" spouse and the affects of divorce on the dynamics of the family.
1. What was the most challenging part of getting a divorce: custody of the children, dividing the assets or finances?
2. What life skills would have been helpful when going through your divorce: stress management, coping skills and/or communication skills?
3. What is your relationship now with your former spouse: amicable, have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children or can't be in the same room together and do not speak to each other?
Results: Of the people participating in the poll, it was not surprising to learn a majority (41%) report that dealing with finances was the most challenging part of getting divorced. Second most challenging was dividing the assets (19%). A surprise was that custody of the children received the lowest percentage (13%).
The majority of the participants (41%) report that coping skills would have been most helpful during their divorce. Stress management was 28% with communication skills a close third at 26%. This clearly indicates the emotional toll divorce plays in most people's lives.
Although the results show that 55% of the participants reported having an amicable relationship with their former spouse after their divorce, the comments did not coincide with that high percentage (see respondent testimonials below). Participants reported:
• 15% cannot be in the same room with their former spouse and do not speak to each other
• Only 4% have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children.
• "Other" came in at a high 19%.
While finances were said to be the most challenging part of getting a divorce, the comments revealed more about the sadness and embarrassment of divorce. These included: "tearing apart the family," "becoming a single mom," "telling my friends I was divorced," "realizing that I had failed," "learning to be on my own" and "not growing old with my husband."
While the majority of respondents stated they had amicable relationships with their former spouse, many of the comments were far more negative, such as: "no relationship as we hardly speak," "nonexistent," "never see or speak to him," "only e-mail," "no contact," "over--not part of my future," and "not involved in each other's lives at all."
Methodology
During May 2009 the poll was available to both men and women baby boomers on National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and the Baby Boomer [Knowledge Center](TM) websites. To achieve maximum participation the poll was also published on: Menopauserus.com , WrightMinded.com, Wise Heart Coaching, Cyber Hot Flash, the National Association of Baby Boomer Women , Kalon Women, and sent to more than 30 experts from the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children. A total of 1,876 people responded. All responses were anonymous.
About National Association of Divorce for Women and Children The www.NADWC.org is a 24/7 on-line Resource Center to support, encourage and inspire women going through a life-changing experience such as divorce who want to rejuvenate their own lives and the lives of their children.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, is one of the expert advisors for the organization. Through her network and ezine questions about divorce and parenting issues are discussed and sound advice is provided to assist families moving through the divorce maze. To learn more, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA
A first-of-its-kind national poll to determine if a consensus exists about how divorced baby boomers are holding up was conducted by the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and the Baby Boomer [Knowledge Center].
Participants in the poll were asked three fundamental questions about the divorce process, their relationship with their "former" spouse and the affects of divorce on the dynamics of the family.
1. What was the most challenging part of getting a divorce: custody of the children, dividing the assets or finances?
2. What life skills would have been helpful when going through your divorce: stress management, coping skills and/or communication skills?
3. What is your relationship now with your former spouse: amicable, have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children or can't be in the same room together and do not speak to each other?
Results: Of the people participating in the poll, it was not surprising to learn a majority (41%) report that dealing with finances was the most challenging part of getting divorced. Second most challenging was dividing the assets (19%). A surprise was that custody of the children received the lowest percentage (13%).
The majority of the participants (41%) report that coping skills would have been most helpful during their divorce. Stress management was 28% with communication skills a close third at 26%. This clearly indicates the emotional toll divorce plays in most people's lives.
Although the results show that 55% of the participants reported having an amicable relationship with their former spouse after their divorce, the comments did not coincide with that high percentage (see respondent testimonials below). Participants reported:
• 15% cannot be in the same room with their former spouse and do not speak to each other
• Only 4% have learned to tolerate each other for the sake of the children.
• "Other" came in at a high 19%.
While finances were said to be the most challenging part of getting a divorce, the comments revealed more about the sadness and embarrassment of divorce. These included: "tearing apart the family," "becoming a single mom," "telling my friends I was divorced," "realizing that I had failed," "learning to be on my own" and "not growing old with my husband."
While the majority of respondents stated they had amicable relationships with their former spouse, many of the comments were far more negative, such as: "no relationship as we hardly speak," "nonexistent," "never see or speak to him," "only e-mail," "no contact," "over--not part of my future," and "not involved in each other's lives at all."
Methodology
During May 2009 the poll was available to both men and women baby boomers on National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and the Baby Boomer [Knowledge Center](TM) websites. To achieve maximum participation the poll was also published on: Menopauserus.com , WrightMinded.com, Wise Heart Coaching, Cyber Hot Flash, the National Association of Baby Boomer Women , Kalon Women, and sent to more than 30 experts from the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children. A total of 1,876 people responded. All responses were anonymous.
About National Association of Divorce for Women and Children The www.NADWC.org is a 24/7 on-line Resource Center to support, encourage and inspire women going through a life-changing experience such as divorce who want to rejuvenate their own lives and the lives of their children.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, is one of the expert advisors for the organization. Through her network and ezine questions about divorce and parenting issues are discussed and sound advice is provided to assist families moving through the divorce maze. To learn more, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
A Smart Parenting Plan Your Best Asset When Parenting After Divorce.
A Smart Parenting Plan Your Best Asset When Parenting After Divorce.
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Parenting plans are becoming more and more recognized as the way for both parents to coordinate their parenting, their lives and their relationship with their children after divorce.
In its simplest form a parenting plan puts in writing the agreed upon schedule both parents have created regarding most all parenting arrangements. It outlines the days, times and other details of when, where and how each parent will be with the children along with other agreements both parents will follow in the months and years to come
The purpose of the plans is to determine strategies that are in the children's best interest to create smooth, easy and positive transitions. These plans encourage cooperative co-parenting so that the children feel secure, loved, wanted and nurtured by both of their parents.
Plans can vary in depth and scope. Often they include guidelines for routine residential arrangements as well as special occasions, including holidays, birthday and vacation time.Emergency information, decision-making guidelines, processes for sharing information, relocation procedures and means for resolving disputes can also be spelled out to minimize future conflict and provide consistency for the children.
While parenting plans make excellent tools for the family, keep them flexible so that their purpose doesn't get lost in a maze of too rigid rules. Allow for some fluctuation and reassessments as the family ages and also experiences the day-to-day realities of their living arrangements.
No plan can compensate for irresponsible or negligent parenting. Make sure the time you spend with your children is rewarding for them and reinforces the caring, supportive messages you want your children to remember. Don't try to substitute gifts or excursions for the quality parenting time they value and crave.
Parenting after divorce is all about reassurance, safety and security. Allow your children an adjustment period at the beginning and end of visits as they transition from one home to the other. This is not easy to do for adults. Think of what it must be like for children - regardless of their age.
Be sensitive about how and when to introduce your children to your new adult friends, especially dating partners. Children are very possessive of both parents. They need to feel very secure in your love for them before they can accept another parent figure in their lives. Take your time in this regard. Think before you take steps you will regret.
Whenever possible create a sense of consistency between both homes. Children fare best when Mom and Dad agree on basic parenting issues and don't contradict one another from home to home. If you do have differing rules, talk to your children about the differences, explain your own parenting style, and don't put down their other parent - even if you don't agree with their values. Your children will learn to adapt to differences in their parents if you don't make a big deal about those issues.
Never forget that you will be a parent to your children for the rest of your life - and so will their other parent. Keep that perspective and focus on ways to collaborate and join forces whenever possible. Your children will be the winners in the long term.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Certified Corporate Trainer, relationship seminar facilitator and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For free articles, an ezine and other valuable resources about Child-Centered Divorce visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. To order her new ebook, visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com.
.
All rights reserved. © Rosalind Sedacca 2009
8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Parenting plans are becoming more and more recognized as the way for both parents to coordinate their parenting, their lives and their relationship with their children after divorce.
In its simplest form a parenting plan puts in writing the agreed upon schedule both parents have created regarding most all parenting arrangements. It outlines the days, times and other details of when, where and how each parent will be with the children along with other agreements both parents will follow in the months and years to come
The purpose of the plans is to determine strategies that are in the children's best interest to create smooth, easy and positive transitions. These plans encourage cooperative co-parenting so that the children feel secure, loved, wanted and nurtured by both of their parents.
Plans can vary in depth and scope. Often they include guidelines for routine residential arrangements as well as special occasions, including holidays, birthday and vacation time.Emergency information, decision-making guidelines, processes for sharing information, relocation procedures and means for resolving disputes can also be spelled out to minimize future conflict and provide consistency for the children.
While parenting plans make excellent tools for the family, keep them flexible so that their purpose doesn't get lost in a maze of too rigid rules. Allow for some fluctuation and reassessments as the family ages and also experiences the day-to-day realities of their living arrangements.
No plan can compensate for irresponsible or negligent parenting. Make sure the time you spend with your children is rewarding for them and reinforces the caring, supportive messages you want your children to remember. Don't try to substitute gifts or excursions for the quality parenting time they value and crave.
Parenting after divorce is all about reassurance, safety and security. Allow your children an adjustment period at the beginning and end of visits as they transition from one home to the other. This is not easy to do for adults. Think of what it must be like for children - regardless of their age.
Be sensitive about how and when to introduce your children to your new adult friends, especially dating partners. Children are very possessive of both parents. They need to feel very secure in your love for them before they can accept another parent figure in their lives. Take your time in this regard. Think before you take steps you will regret.
Whenever possible create a sense of consistency between both homes. Children fare best when Mom and Dad agree on basic parenting issues and don't contradict one another from home to home. If you do have differing rules, talk to your children about the differences, explain your own parenting style, and don't put down their other parent - even if you don't agree with their values. Your children will learn to adapt to differences in their parents if you don't make a big deal about those issues.
Never forget that you will be a parent to your children for the rest of your life - and so will their other parent. Keep that perspective and focus on ways to collaborate and join forces whenever possible. Your children will be the winners in the long term.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Certified Corporate Trainer, relationship seminar facilitator and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For free articles, an ezine and other valuable resources about Child-Centered Divorce visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. To order her new ebook, visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com.
.
All rights reserved. © Rosalind Sedacca 2009
8095 Popash Court, Boynton Beach, FL 33437, USA
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