Per County Request, Court Mandated Online Co-Parenting Classes Are Now Available to Family Courts Across the Country.
Feb, 26 2010 San Luis Obispo, CA – ChildSharing.com announced the availability of a new online co-parenting program designed to aid families raising children between multiple homes throughout the country. The 4-hour program includes videos, quizzes, and life applications which serves as an alternative for parents who are mandated to take a co-parenting class to obtain a final decree or for those that are seeking to increase positive communication and parenting skills.
The new program is in response to growing county demand for assistance in aiding families as well as with their own budget limitations. As a free resource available to the counties, the option for parents to attend online classes has been gaining popularity throughout the country. Many times, parents who are required to attend classes are constrained by factors such as resource limitations, time, scheduling and training costs. In response to these challenges, ChildSharing.com chose to create the co-parenting class to ensure that the transition between families is smooth and successful.
As an award winning website, ChildSharing.com is continually working with counties that want to move towards online solutions," said Hector Libs, Director of Professional Services. "Our continued outstanding customer service and support as the education market matures, makes this new program easier for counties and families to make the move to ChildSharing.com."
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Marketing Director, commented, “Given ChildSharing.com’s evolving content to meet the demands of the counties, we have successfully developed the new co-parenting program to be a scalable model of this concept while still keeping it visually pleasing. The program is both informative and accessible—a combination that is all too rare in our complex, increasingly technology-driven learning environment. Our hope is that we are able to provide education to parents, at an affordable price who may not have otherwise received it.”
The new program is available immediately on www.ChildSharing.com.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with raising children between multiple homes. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and resources for educating and raising children between multiple homes. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in setting up an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the online program should contact Lori Lavigne in the development planning office (805-354-1139 or lori@ChildSharing.com).
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Parents Aren’t Perfect
Parents pretending to be perfect to their kids in the teen years are actually demonstrating their own imperfection.
When kids are little, mom and dad are like Superman and Wonder Woman, but teenagers can see the cracks in the armor. They know you aren’t perfect, so don’t be hypocritical in trying to be.
Acknowledging that you aren’t perfect won’t destroy your teen’s high regard, nor damage your relationship. In fact, it can bring you two closer and it will affirm what they already know – that nobody’s perfect!
Sharing your own imperfections and lifelong desire to grow into a better person will allow your teen to feel a more comfortable in their own skin, knowing they aren’t the only imperfect ones in the family.
By Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
When kids are little, mom and dad are like Superman and Wonder Woman, but teenagers can see the cracks in the armor. They know you aren’t perfect, so don’t be hypocritical in trying to be.
Acknowledging that you aren’t perfect won’t destroy your teen’s high regard, nor damage your relationship. In fact, it can bring you two closer and it will affirm what they already know – that nobody’s perfect!
Sharing your own imperfections and lifelong desire to grow into a better person will allow your teen to feel a more comfortable in their own skin, knowing they aren’t the only imperfect ones in the family.
By Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Monday, February 22, 2010
Divorce Doesn't Scar Children - Selfish Parents Do!
By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Divorce is a highly emotional topic. When children are involved the consequences are far more dramatic - and, not surprisingly, so are our opinions. I know there are many people who sincerely believe that no divorce is a good divorce. That children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And that parents should - for the sake of the kids - just stick it out and not rock the boat with divorce or separation until the children are grown.
This is a particularly prevalent view for many who are grown children of divorce. These adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result.
This response is certainly understandable. But it's not the final word on this subject. I have another perspective based on the experience of being raised in a family that chose to stay together "for the sake of the kids." My parents should have divorced early in their marriage. They were both miserable together, had little respect for each other, and raised two children in a home fraught with anger, tension, frequent loud arguments and discord.
I remember my mother asking me one day when I was in early adolescence whether she should divorce Dad. "No," I cried. I wanted a Mom and a Dad like the other kids. My childhood was miserable and filled with insecurity. Immersed in that insecurity I feared what life would be like if my parents were divorced. Mom didn't have the courage to do it anyway (those were vastly different times, especially for women) and she continued in her unhappy marriage for decades more.
Looking back, I feel that was an unfortunate mistake. Neither of my parents were bad people. They were both just totally mismatched. Their communication skills were miserably lacking and they were wrapped up in winning every battle at all costs. The cost, of course, was the well-being of their family, especially of their children. I believe that each of them would have been happier and more fulfilled had they parted ways and remained single or chosen another mate.
Based on my own personal experience, I've come to firmly believe that it's not divorce that scars our children. It's wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting their children. It's vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids. It's parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the kid's relationship with the other parent. It's parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love Mommy and Daddy. It's parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.
In essence, it's selfish parents who scar their children through divorce. They put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions. When these parents get a divorce, the consequences are not only sad. Too often they end up wounding innocent psyches. They forget -- or are ignorant about -- how their decisions will affect their children in the months, years and, yes, decades ahead. It is not divorce per se, but the divorce of two parents so enraged by each other that they make decisions based on blind hatred rather than conscious, educated wisdom.
There is much more that can be said on this subject but space prompts me to stop for now. I value your feedback on this controversial topic and encourage thoughtful dialogue within these pages. Please send your comments along to me for more in-depth discussion.
* * * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! For more information about this innovative new approach to that tough conversation, visit www.howdoitellthekids.com. For Rosalind's free ezine and other articles, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
8095 Popash Court
Boynton Beach, FL 33437
Usa
To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:
http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?LEwczEwstCxszCwMjBystGa0jAwc7IyM7A==
Divorce is a highly emotional topic. When children are involved the consequences are far more dramatic - and, not surprisingly, so are our opinions. I know there are many people who sincerely believe that no divorce is a good divorce. That children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And that parents should - for the sake of the kids - just stick it out and not rock the boat with divorce or separation until the children are grown.
This is a particularly prevalent view for many who are grown children of divorce. These adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result.
This response is certainly understandable. But it's not the final word on this subject. I have another perspective based on the experience of being raised in a family that chose to stay together "for the sake of the kids." My parents should have divorced early in their marriage. They were both miserable together, had little respect for each other, and raised two children in a home fraught with anger, tension, frequent loud arguments and discord.
I remember my mother asking me one day when I was in early adolescence whether she should divorce Dad. "No," I cried. I wanted a Mom and a Dad like the other kids. My childhood was miserable and filled with insecurity. Immersed in that insecurity I feared what life would be like if my parents were divorced. Mom didn't have the courage to do it anyway (those were vastly different times, especially for women) and she continued in her unhappy marriage for decades more.
Looking back, I feel that was an unfortunate mistake. Neither of my parents were bad people. They were both just totally mismatched. Their communication skills were miserably lacking and they were wrapped up in winning every battle at all costs. The cost, of course, was the well-being of their family, especially of their children. I believe that each of them would have been happier and more fulfilled had they parted ways and remained single or chosen another mate.
Based on my own personal experience, I've come to firmly believe that it's not divorce that scars our children. It's wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting their children. It's vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids. It's parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the kid's relationship with the other parent. It's parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love Mommy and Daddy. It's parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.
In essence, it's selfish parents who scar their children through divorce. They put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions. When these parents get a divorce, the consequences are not only sad. Too often they end up wounding innocent psyches. They forget -- or are ignorant about -- how their decisions will affect their children in the months, years and, yes, decades ahead. It is not divorce per se, but the divorce of two parents so enraged by each other that they make decisions based on blind hatred rather than conscious, educated wisdom.
There is much more that can be said on this subject but space prompts me to stop for now. I value your feedback on this controversial topic and encourage thoughtful dialogue within these pages. Please send your comments along to me for more in-depth discussion.
* * * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! For more information about this innovative new approach to that tough conversation, visit www.howdoitellthekids.com. For Rosalind's free ezine and other articles, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
8095 Popash Court
Boynton Beach, FL 33437
Usa
To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:
http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?LEwczEwstCxszCwMjBystGa0jAwc7IyM7A==
Friday, February 19, 2010
Success in Life
Have you ever considered the “Train up a child” scriptural reference to have both spiritual and practical implications?
Spiritual training is important, but it’s also important for parents to teach their kids how to handle money, how to work, how to clean, how to plan for the future, and even how to cook and shop for their own needs.
Don’t expect institutions to teach these basics of life. With all your determination, focus on teaching the basics, one by one, until each lesson is learned.
The bottom line is this…it is up to you, and only you, to train your kids for success in life, spiritually and practically.
By Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Spiritual training is important, but it’s also important for parents to teach their kids how to handle money, how to work, how to clean, how to plan for the future, and even how to cook and shop for their own needs.
Don’t expect institutions to teach these basics of life. With all your determination, focus on teaching the basics, one by one, until each lesson is learned.
The bottom line is this…it is up to you, and only you, to train your kids for success in life, spiritually and practically.
By Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Thursday, February 18, 2010
ChildSharing Expands Parent Education Classes Throughout Counties Across the Country, Including Kissimmee, FL Broward, FL and Jefferson, CO
Per County Request, Court Mandated Online Co-Parenting Classes Are Now Available to Family Courts Across the Country.
Feb. 18, 2010 San Luis Obispo, CA – ChildSharing.com announced the availability of a new online co-parenting program designed to aid families raising children between multiple homes throughout the country. The 4-hour program includes videos, quizzes, and life applications which serves as an alternative for parents who are mandated to take a co-parenting class to obtain a final decree or for those that are seeking to increase positive communication and parenting skills.
The new program is in response to growing county demand for assistance in aiding families as well as with their own budget limitations. As a free resource available to the counties, the option for parents to attend online classes has been gaining popularity throughout the country. Many times, parents who are required to attend classes are constrained by factors such as resource limitations, time, scheduling and training costs. In response to these challenges, ChildSharing.com chose to create the co-parenting class to ensure that the transition between families is smooth and successful.
As an award winning website, ChildSharing.com is continually working with counties that want to move towards online solutions," said Hector Libs, Director of Professional Services. "Our continued outstanding customer service and support as the education market matures, makes this new program easier for counties and families to make the move to ChildSharing.com."
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Marketing Director, commented, “Given ChildSharing.com’s evolving content to meet the demands of the counties, we have successfully developed the new co-parenting program to be a scalable model of this concept while still keeping it visually pleasing. The program is both informative and accessible—a combination that is all too rare in our complex, increasingly technology-driven learning environment. Our hope is that we are able to provide education to parents, at an affordable price who may not have otherwise received it.”
The new program is available immediately on www.ChildSharing.com.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with raising children between multiple homes. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and resources for educating and raising children between multiple homes. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in setting up an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the online program should contact Lori Lavigne in the development planning office (805-354-1139 or lori@ChildSharing.com).
###
Feb. 18, 2010 San Luis Obispo, CA – ChildSharing.com announced the availability of a new online co-parenting program designed to aid families raising children between multiple homes throughout the country. The 4-hour program includes videos, quizzes, and life applications which serves as an alternative for parents who are mandated to take a co-parenting class to obtain a final decree or for those that are seeking to increase positive communication and parenting skills.
The new program is in response to growing county demand for assistance in aiding families as well as with their own budget limitations. As a free resource available to the counties, the option for parents to attend online classes has been gaining popularity throughout the country. Many times, parents who are required to attend classes are constrained by factors such as resource limitations, time, scheduling and training costs. In response to these challenges, ChildSharing.com chose to create the co-parenting class to ensure that the transition between families is smooth and successful.
As an award winning website, ChildSharing.com is continually working with counties that want to move towards online solutions," said Hector Libs, Director of Professional Services. "Our continued outstanding customer service and support as the education market matures, makes this new program easier for counties and families to make the move to ChildSharing.com."
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Marketing Director, commented, “Given ChildSharing.com’s evolving content to meet the demands of the counties, we have successfully developed the new co-parenting program to be a scalable model of this concept while still keeping it visually pleasing. The program is both informative and accessible—a combination that is all too rare in our complex, increasingly technology-driven learning environment. Our hope is that we are able to provide education to parents, at an affordable price who may not have otherwise received it.”
The new program is available immediately on www.ChildSharing.com.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with raising children between multiple homes. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and resources for educating and raising children between multiple homes. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in setting up an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the online program should contact Lori Lavigne in the development planning office (805-354-1139 or lori@ChildSharing.com).
###
Mistakes Happen
Mark Twain may well have been giving advice to the parents of teenagers when he quipped, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
When teens begin to experience life, they will make mistakes. Lots of them. That’s natural. It’s even a good sign when they struggle a bit. It means they are interacting with the world and learning through their experiences while they are still at home, when mom and dad can give them guidance and develop appropriate boundaries.
So, look at your teen’s mistakes as golden learning opportunities. Hold them accountable, but do so with an ever deepening relationship that says, “Yes, I know you will make mistakes, but I will continue to love you anyway, and I’ll help you make better choices next time.”
Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
When teens begin to experience life, they will make mistakes. Lots of them. That’s natural. It’s even a good sign when they struggle a bit. It means they are interacting with the world and learning through their experiences while they are still at home, when mom and dad can give them guidance and develop appropriate boundaries.
So, look at your teen’s mistakes as golden learning opportunities. Hold them accountable, but do so with an ever deepening relationship that says, “Yes, I know you will make mistakes, but I will continue to love you anyway, and I’ll help you make better choices next time.”
Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
New Levels of Teen Dishonesty
The latest “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth” (by the Josephson Institute of Ethics) shows that teens are lying more often, and more easily, than ever.
Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems like drug abuse or sexual promiscuity, but it is a vice that parents should never ignore or allow to creep into the teen’s lifestyle.
Dishonesty is rooted in an attitude of disrespect; disrespect for others, for authority, and for your family’s values. It won’t go away with the mere passage of time. It will reappear at significant stress points in your child’s life, and that can land them in real trouble. So, deal immediately with every instance of dishonesty today, and you’ll be avoiding bigger problems tomorrow.
By mark gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems like drug abuse or sexual promiscuity, but it is a vice that parents should never ignore or allow to creep into the teen’s lifestyle.
Dishonesty is rooted in an attitude of disrespect; disrespect for others, for authority, and for your family’s values. It won’t go away with the mere passage of time. It will reappear at significant stress points in your child’s life, and that can land them in real trouble. So, deal immediately with every instance of dishonesty today, and you’ll be avoiding bigger problems tomorrow.
By mark gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
ChildSharing Expands Parent Education Classes Throughout San Diego, Lake, and Ventura County.
News Release
Contact: Lori Lavigne
T: 805.354.1139
F: 805.221.5710
www.ChildSharing.com ChildSharing, Inc.
204 West Spear Street.
Carson City, NV 89703
email: lori@ChildSharing.com
ChildSharing Expands Parent Education Classes Throughout San Diego, Lake, and Ventura County.
Per County Request, Court Mandated Online Co-Parenting Classes Are Now Available to Family Courts in San Diego, Lake, and Ventura County.
Feb. 9, 2010 San Luis Obispo, CA – ChildSharing.com announced the availability of a new online co-parenting program designed to aid families raising children between multiple homes throughout San Bernardino, Fresno, and Alameda County. The 4-hour program includes videos, quizzes, and life applications which serves as an alternative for parents who are mandated to take a parenting class to obtain a final decree or for those that are seeking to increase positive communication and parenting skills.
The new program is in response to growing county demand for assistance in aiding families as well as with their own budget limitations. As a free resource available to the counties, the option for parents to attend online classes has been gaining popularity throughout the country. Many times, parents who are required to attend classes are constrained by factors such as resource limitations, time, scheduling and training costs. In response to these challenges, ChildSharing.com chose to create the co-parenting class to ensure the transition between families is smooth and successful.
As an award winning website, ChildSharing.com is continually working with counties that want to move towards online solutions." said Hector Libs, Director of Professional Services. "Our continued outstanding customer service and support as the education market matures, makes this new program easier for counties and families to make the move to ChildSharing.com."
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Marketing Director, commented, “Given ChildSharing.com’s evolving content to meet the demands of the counties, we have successfully developed the new co-parenting program to be a scalable model of this concept while still keeping it visually pleasing. The program is both informative and accessible—a combination that is all too rare in our complex, increasingly technology-driven learning environment. Our hope is that we are able to provide education to parents, at an affordable price who may not have otherwise received it.”
The new program is available immediately on www.ChildSharing.com.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with raising children between multiple homes. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and resources for educating and raising children between multiple homes. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in setting up an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the online program should contact Lori Lavigne in the development planning office (805-354-1139 or lori@ChildSharing.com).
###
Contact: Lori Lavigne
T: 805.354.1139
F: 805.221.5710
www.ChildSharing.com ChildSharing, Inc.
204 West Spear Street.
Carson City, NV 89703
email: lori@ChildSharing.com
ChildSharing Expands Parent Education Classes Throughout San Diego, Lake, and Ventura County.
Per County Request, Court Mandated Online Co-Parenting Classes Are Now Available to Family Courts in San Diego, Lake, and Ventura County.
Feb. 9, 2010 San Luis Obispo, CA – ChildSharing.com announced the availability of a new online co-parenting program designed to aid families raising children between multiple homes throughout San Bernardino, Fresno, and Alameda County. The 4-hour program includes videos, quizzes, and life applications which serves as an alternative for parents who are mandated to take a parenting class to obtain a final decree or for those that are seeking to increase positive communication and parenting skills.
The new program is in response to growing county demand for assistance in aiding families as well as with their own budget limitations. As a free resource available to the counties, the option for parents to attend online classes has been gaining popularity throughout the country. Many times, parents who are required to attend classes are constrained by factors such as resource limitations, time, scheduling and training costs. In response to these challenges, ChildSharing.com chose to create the co-parenting class to ensure the transition between families is smooth and successful.
As an award winning website, ChildSharing.com is continually working with counties that want to move towards online solutions." said Hector Libs, Director of Professional Services. "Our continued outstanding customer service and support as the education market matures, makes this new program easier for counties and families to make the move to ChildSharing.com."
Michelle Muncy, ChildSharing, Inc.’s Marketing Director, commented, “Given ChildSharing.com’s evolving content to meet the demands of the counties, we have successfully developed the new co-parenting program to be a scalable model of this concept while still keeping it visually pleasing. The program is both informative and accessible—a combination that is all too rare in our complex, increasingly technology-driven learning environment. Our hope is that we are able to provide education to parents, at an affordable price who may not have otherwise received it.”
The new program is available immediately on www.ChildSharing.com.
Founded in 2008, ChildSharing, Inc. is dedicated to advancing the field of child-sharing as a means of better educating families faced with raising children between multiple homes. Guided by a strong development team, ChildSharing works with experts throughout the United States to provide its members with the most comprehensive information and resources for educating and raising children between multiple homes. For more information about ChildSharing, Inc and its team of experts, visit http://www.ChildSharing.com.
Media interested in setting up an interview with ChildSharing, Inc. representatives regarding the online program should contact Lori Lavigne in the development planning office (805-354-1139 or lori@ChildSharing.com).
###
Hidden Causes of Teen Problems (02-08-2010)
Hidden Causes of Teen Problems (02-08-2010)
Mom and dad had no idea their young son was being sexually abused by a friend of the family. On the surface, their child had become angry, irritable, and depressed. They thought he was just being rebellious.
When a teen starts traveling down the wrong road, there may be shocking underlying causes, like abuse, drug use, hormonal imbalances or even bullying in school. So a parent too quick to label their misbehavior “rebellious” might miss the true heart of what’s going on and push the teen even further into despair.
If the behavior you see is unusual for your teenager, look for hidden causes. And spend more time connecting with your teen, seeking professional counsel if help is needed to reveal the problem’s source.
By Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Mom and dad had no idea their young son was being sexually abused by a friend of the family. On the surface, their child had become angry, irritable, and depressed. They thought he was just being rebellious.
When a teen starts traveling down the wrong road, there may be shocking underlying causes, like abuse, drug use, hormonal imbalances or even bullying in school. So a parent too quick to label their misbehavior “rebellious” might miss the true heart of what’s going on and push the teen even further into despair.
If the behavior you see is unusual for your teenager, look for hidden causes. And spend more time connecting with your teen, seeking professional counsel if help is needed to reveal the problem’s source.
By Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Was Your Divorce a Means to Healing Old Baggage?
Here’s a fascinating take on divorce that I find more true than not: We choose our spouses, usually subconsciously, as a means to healing old emotional wounds we have been carrying around our entire life. Our divorce then becomes the wakeup call to clean up that mental baggage we have been lugging around once and for all which in turn allows us to become the person we were always meant to be!
That theory would go a long way to answering the questions we often ask ourselves: How is it I married my Father/Mother? Why do I over-react to certain things my ex did or said? Why do I continue making the same mistakes over and over again? Old emotional baggage has a tendency to run us and limit our freedom of choice. It is revealed in the endless mind chatter that seeks to sabotage us and keep us stuck in the pain of our past. It is seen to our extreme sensitivity to those things that push an emotional button based in our baggage. It creates a huge obstacle to us being our personal best and having the things we so desperately want from life.
Let’s take a couple of specific example of this theory in action so you can get a better idea of it’s implications as it might pertain to you and your divorce:
A woman marries a man who, as it turns out, doesn’t make her feel good about herself or to put it more aptly, she allows herself to feel bad about herself due to her choice of a spouse. He is highly critical of her every move and nothing she does seems to measure up to his standards. She suffers and her sense of self is demeaned. She begins to think about why she would have chosen someone who is so much like her own Father? The pain she is undergoing is a reminder of how her own Dad treated her as kid. He too was highly negative and critical. As a child, she could not separate the facts (a negative father) from the meanings she created about herself, I.E. I am not good enough, I am less than and I am not worthy.
This woman never healed the old emotional scars from her past. She carried a belief around with her that she was not good enough, a belief that she and she alone created. Keep in mind that this would a logical deduction for a child. As an adult, we have the ability to see more clearly and realize that we are good enough and our childhood response is no longer valid, not to mention effective. Perhaps, just perhaps, she chose her husband because it would literally force her to come to grips with this old ‘stuff’, the mind chatter and baggage, that she had to heal and rid herself of if she was going to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Her healing might come in the form of recognizing the fact that her Dad was a negative guy and his treatment of her was no different than his treatment of everyone in his life although perhaps more so with his own child. Unfortunately, not out of the ordinary. That was just who he was and Lord knows he had his own ‘stuff’ too. She begins to see that the core belief she holds about herself is extremely limiting and self-destructive. She sees how it has been running her and how she has enabled this behavior in her ex and undoubtedly others. She knows she must learn to say no to the things that do not serve her. She is on the way t o a new life that reflects her newfound self-respect and confidence. Hallelujah!
Here’s another example of choosing someone who will push you into self examination and renewal: A man chooses a wife who is a control freak in that she must make all the decisions for the family because she knows best. We can only begin to imagine where that ‘stuff’ came from! Ultimately, he feels bad about himself and loses his sense of self and power. Why would he choose such a spouse? Perhaps his own Mother was an over-riding force in his own life and was controlling and manipulative of him. Perhaps there was some sense of security in that relationship. Perhaps he came to believe that he could not trust himself to make his own decisions, that he was incapable. As a result, he chose a woman who would ‘mother’ him in the ways that he came to define as mothering.
Of course, it didn’t work and only served to exacerbate his inner feelings of inadequacy. All the old emotional triggers got activated when his wife bossed him around and didn’t respect his opinion. Even little things became huge triggers for him because of his old emotional baggage. His divorce became his call to arms to clean it up. He also came to understand how he enabled his ex's behavior and also came to know what kind of a relationship would work for him in the future if he was to be happy and the man he was meant to be.
In my own divorce I found a major lesson that I had failed to learn over the years: that I could not control everything in life and that I did not know best all of the time. I also learned that there is a high price to pay in being right. It was both a humbling and liberating experience. I don’t have to control everything because I cannot control everything. Being right is based on my own old emotional stuff and I get that now. That is what I had to learn and my choice in a spouse was the perfect choice to teach me these lessons and gift me this wisdom.
Take a long hard look at your own divorce and see if there just might be any truth to this theory in your own story. Remember, your divorce can serve as an opportunity to rid yourself of any demons that have had control over your life. Your divorce offers you much wisdom that you can apply in order to live the life that you deserve. Every experience in life has something to give us. Do not waste this experience.
That theory would go a long way to answering the questions we often ask ourselves: How is it I married my Father/Mother? Why do I over-react to certain things my ex did or said? Why do I continue making the same mistakes over and over again? Old emotional baggage has a tendency to run us and limit our freedom of choice. It is revealed in the endless mind chatter that seeks to sabotage us and keep us stuck in the pain of our past. It is seen to our extreme sensitivity to those things that push an emotional button based in our baggage. It creates a huge obstacle to us being our personal best and having the things we so desperately want from life.
Let’s take a couple of specific example of this theory in action so you can get a better idea of it’s implications as it might pertain to you and your divorce:
A woman marries a man who, as it turns out, doesn’t make her feel good about herself or to put it more aptly, she allows herself to feel bad about herself due to her choice of a spouse. He is highly critical of her every move and nothing she does seems to measure up to his standards. She suffers and her sense of self is demeaned. She begins to think about why she would have chosen someone who is so much like her own Father? The pain she is undergoing is a reminder of how her own Dad treated her as kid. He too was highly negative and critical. As a child, she could not separate the facts (a negative father) from the meanings she created about herself, I.E. I am not good enough, I am less than and I am not worthy.
This woman never healed the old emotional scars from her past. She carried a belief around with her that she was not good enough, a belief that she and she alone created. Keep in mind that this would a logical deduction for a child. As an adult, we have the ability to see more clearly and realize that we are good enough and our childhood response is no longer valid, not to mention effective. Perhaps, just perhaps, she chose her husband because it would literally force her to come to grips with this old ‘stuff’, the mind chatter and baggage, that she had to heal and rid herself of if she was going to live a happy and fulfilling life.
Her healing might come in the form of recognizing the fact that her Dad was a negative guy and his treatment of her was no different than his treatment of everyone in his life although perhaps more so with his own child. Unfortunately, not out of the ordinary. That was just who he was and Lord knows he had his own ‘stuff’ too. She begins to see that the core belief she holds about herself is extremely limiting and self-destructive. She sees how it has been running her and how she has enabled this behavior in her ex and undoubtedly others. She knows she must learn to say no to the things that do not serve her. She is on the way t o a new life that reflects her newfound self-respect and confidence. Hallelujah!
Here’s another example of choosing someone who will push you into self examination and renewal: A man chooses a wife who is a control freak in that she must make all the decisions for the family because she knows best. We can only begin to imagine where that ‘stuff’ came from! Ultimately, he feels bad about himself and loses his sense of self and power. Why would he choose such a spouse? Perhaps his own Mother was an over-riding force in his own life and was controlling and manipulative of him. Perhaps there was some sense of security in that relationship. Perhaps he came to believe that he could not trust himself to make his own decisions, that he was incapable. As a result, he chose a woman who would ‘mother’ him in the ways that he came to define as mothering.
Of course, it didn’t work and only served to exacerbate his inner feelings of inadequacy. All the old emotional triggers got activated when his wife bossed him around and didn’t respect his opinion. Even little things became huge triggers for him because of his old emotional baggage. His divorce became his call to arms to clean it up. He also came to understand how he enabled his ex's behavior and also came to know what kind of a relationship would work for him in the future if he was to be happy and the man he was meant to be.
In my own divorce I found a major lesson that I had failed to learn over the years: that I could not control everything in life and that I did not know best all of the time. I also learned that there is a high price to pay in being right. It was both a humbling and liberating experience. I don’t have to control everything because I cannot control everything. Being right is based on my own old emotional stuff and I get that now. That is what I had to learn and my choice in a spouse was the perfect choice to teach me these lessons and gift me this wisdom.
Take a long hard look at your own divorce and see if there just might be any truth to this theory in your own story. Remember, your divorce can serve as an opportunity to rid yourself of any demons that have had control over your life. Your divorce offers you much wisdom that you can apply in order to live the life that you deserve. Every experience in life has something to give us. Do not waste this experience.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Overcoming Guilt about the Divorce
Overcoming Guilt about the Divorce
Paul Wanio, PhD, LMFT
Sometimes, an obstacle to listening to one's child is the fear that we will hear something that will produce sadness, anger or guilt in us. It may also be difficult to listen to negative comments or complaints because of feeling the need to be the "perfect parent" and not wanting to hear that we are causing anymore discomfort to our child. There can also be times when your child will see everything that you do as wrong and everything that the other parent does as right. This can easily lead a parent to feeling overly sensitive and defensive.
These emotional situations become obstacles only if you overreact due to taking your child's comments too personally, assume that you cannot handle the situation, assume that you are a "bad" parent or that you cannot make mistakes. Having faith in your abilities as a parent, allowing yourself to make mistakes, being less critical of yourself and taking time to think things through will change obstacles into manageable challenges.
To meet these challenges, keep the following in mind:
[] You're not perfect, and that's OK.
[] You will make mistakes even when doing your best.
[] Divorce is like a death and sometimes the only thing that you can
do is to just be there for your child and understand. That's all.
[] Your child's negative comments may simply be an expression of
distress and not criticism.
[] Your child's blaming of you may be a defense against feeling
overwhelmed and not meant against you personally -- it is
merely a young child's way of coping.
[] Change never happens as quickly as any of us want. Acceptance
and patience will do much to help you through this time.
[] Listen to your child, even when what you hear is hard to accept.
Problems can only be dealt with if allowed to be out in the open.
It is that which is hidden that causes most of the trouble.
[] Distress is less traumatic when met with love
[] One incident will rarely cause trauma. It is the overall feeling,
relationship and track record you have with your child that makes
the difference.
[] Keep things in perspective and you will not be overwhelmed. You
can handle most any one situation simply because it is just that -
one situation. There are few things that you will face that cannot be
fixed, handled and lived with. (After all, look at what you've managed
to handle so far!).
[] Tomorrow is another day.
By keeping these ideas in the back of your mind, you will be able to temporarily put aside your own feelings at the proper time and stay focused upon the feelings of your child. This will not only benefit your child, but will contribute to your own self-esteem and coping skills. This kind of self-discipline will keep you focused and feeling in control of your life.
Paul Wanio, PhD, LMFT
Sometimes, an obstacle to listening to one's child is the fear that we will hear something that will produce sadness, anger or guilt in us. It may also be difficult to listen to negative comments or complaints because of feeling the need to be the "perfect parent" and not wanting to hear that we are causing anymore discomfort to our child. There can also be times when your child will see everything that you do as wrong and everything that the other parent does as right. This can easily lead a parent to feeling overly sensitive and defensive.
These emotional situations become obstacles only if you overreact due to taking your child's comments too personally, assume that you cannot handle the situation, assume that you are a "bad" parent or that you cannot make mistakes. Having faith in your abilities as a parent, allowing yourself to make mistakes, being less critical of yourself and taking time to think things through will change obstacles into manageable challenges.
To meet these challenges, keep the following in mind:
[] You're not perfect, and that's OK.
[] You will make mistakes even when doing your best.
[] Divorce is like a death and sometimes the only thing that you can
do is to just be there for your child and understand. That's all.
[] Your child's negative comments may simply be an expression of
distress and not criticism.
[] Your child's blaming of you may be a defense against feeling
overwhelmed and not meant against you personally -- it is
merely a young child's way of coping.
[] Change never happens as quickly as any of us want. Acceptance
and patience will do much to help you through this time.
[] Listen to your child, even when what you hear is hard to accept.
Problems can only be dealt with if allowed to be out in the open.
It is that which is hidden that causes most of the trouble.
[] Distress is less traumatic when met with love
[] One incident will rarely cause trauma. It is the overall feeling,
relationship and track record you have with your child that makes
the difference.
[] Keep things in perspective and you will not be overwhelmed. You
can handle most any one situation simply because it is just that -
one situation. There are few things that you will face that cannot be
fixed, handled and lived with. (After all, look at what you've managed
to handle so far!).
[] Tomorrow is another day.
By keeping these ideas in the back of your mind, you will be able to temporarily put aside your own feelings at the proper time and stay focused upon the feelings of your child. This will not only benefit your child, but will contribute to your own self-esteem and coping skills. This kind of self-discipline will keep you focused and feeling in control of your life.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Teens Seeking Purpose
Teens Seeking Purpose
As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching for meaning in life and purpose for living.
One of the most important life questions your teen will begin wrestling with is: “Why am I here?” Or “What’s my purpose on this earth?” Without a purpose, life becomes trivial and motion without meaning.
Parents can help their teens discover their gifts and find their purpose by giving them plenty of opportunities to participate in new experiences to stretch their wings.
Remember, God doesn’t give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. So, teach your teen to watch for the road signs along the way.
Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching for meaning in life and purpose for living.
One of the most important life questions your teen will begin wrestling with is: “Why am I here?” Or “What’s my purpose on this earth?” Without a purpose, life becomes trivial and motion without meaning.
Parents can help their teens discover their gifts and find their purpose by giving them plenty of opportunities to participate in new experiences to stretch their wings.
Remember, God doesn’t give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. So, teach your teen to watch for the road signs along the way.
Mark Gregston
Michelle Muncy
Marketing Planner
ChildSharing, Inc.
805.550.3663
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