A Plea to Divorced Parents ... Be Honest With Yourself

A Plea to Divorced Parents ... Be Honest With Yourself

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

South African Wellness Counselor, Nadia Thonnard of Inner Minds Counseling, is a strong proponent of child-centered divorce. She brings great sensitivity to this issue because she not only provides counseling services to clients, she has experienced the sting of divorce in her own life. Her advice to others comes from personal experience as well as professional expertise.

Recently Nadia entered a personal blog post that I want to share with the child-centered divorce community. Read it below followed by my own response.

I get quite a few letters which start by saying that the spouse left one day, without prior warning. Meaning no disrespect, when I read those I can't help but have a smile on my face. This is not because I find it funny but because this is exactly what I said when my husband left me and our 2 children, after 20 years, one morning...without prior warning.

Why I'm raising this and why I'm using this title will hopefully bring some insight.

If you are honest with yourself, you will be able to acknowledge that some "warning" signs were there already, for some quite a while back, and therefore, the day they left was only the result of the accumulation of all these previous warning signs.

Think back on all the times that you felt something was not going 100%. You may say that things are not always 100%, but the reality is, these are warning signs, whether we decide to act on them or not.

Most of us haven't been raised with the knowledge of how to tune in to our emotions, let alone in someone else's emotions. So be honest and allow yourself to remember some of those "warning" signs.

Become aware of some moments you chose, perhaps and most probably unconsciously, to brush them off. Add them up. Does the fatal moment still look like ...one day, without prior warning?

Hope this brings some light.
Your comments/feedback are, as always, welcome.

Lots of Love
Nadia

This is how I replied to her post:

Thanks for this important message, Nadia. I applaud your talking about this topic. What you suggest we do -- the inner work -- moves us from being victims in our lives. It gives us control over tomorrow and our entire future -- which is essential if we are to grow and create better times ahead.

This can be a tough step to take -- accepting responsibility for understanding how we came to this point in our lives -- but it is also a valuable step in the right direction. Letting go of victimhood can lead to personal empowerment, greater self-esteem and the confidence to know we are the creators in our life from this day forward.

Perhaps that is the true "gift" we can receive from the pain of divorce.

We cannot move forward when we are focused on looking behind us. Is it time to let go of some of the blame and anger so you can reframe your life in the direction you want to take it? I sincerely hope so.

If you'd like to share your wisdom on how you took steps toward personal empowerment during or after your divorce, we would all appreciate your contribution.

Wishing bright futures to you all,

Rosalind

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love. For her free articles, blog, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

© Rosalind Sedacca 2008. All rights reserved.